Hi.
I don't really know if I'm going to get much of anyone to talk to here, but I don't want to burden the workers of BeyondBlue, nor am I financially able to see my therapist for the time being.
I don't even know where to start with my problems, but I know that I have them and bottling them up isn't the best.
I think to put it simply, I'm feeling hopeless in my life, that I have little to feel towards myself. I guess I'll start by breaking things down;
I'm struggling to find employment no matter my best efforts, same with trying to get into secondary education such as tafe or a traineeship, I'm struggling financially because I waste my money on needless/momentary things or for other people, I feel isolated by those I once deemed as friends and by my family, and lately, been swallowed whole by past experiences and trauma that makes me feel worse to my core. And it sucks that I don't really know who to turn to because I feel distant from my family unless I'm needed to do something, I don't have any friends to enjoy the comfort of their presence, I don't want to burden online friends because frankly I don't feel that close to any of them, and the more I feel worse about myself, the less I feel motivated to do anything.
It's getting to a point where all I can blame is myself, because that's the one consistent factor on how/why things have gone bad for me that honestly it's a crossroad which I feel I have to choose between the path where I just keep going and hoping that whatever primordial being there is gives me a bone for all my best efforts, or I just eliminate the one core value that keeps holding me back.
