My partner is not very supportive

[Lucyopp188]

Having a newborn, he is not very supportive. He doesn't want have kids and doesn't want to pay child support. Everyday he just watches movies in his room. The way he talks to me so disgusting. It makes me hard to breath .What shall I do?

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Lucyopp,

Your partner, as you said, clearly hasn’t been very supportive at all. It seems like you’re doing everything for your newborn. No wonder, you sound so disappointed and frustrated...it must be very stressful and tiring for you...

I’m not sure what I would suggest as your next step, but perhaps you might like to consider looking up Relationships Australia. I think the Australian Government helps fund its services e.g. family counselling, mediation, etc. If you’re interested, you might like to look up their website and perhaps even give them a call (that information should be on their website). They might be able to offer some suggestions/advice to you...

While you’re here on the forums, would you like to tell us a little more about yourself? It would be lovely to get to know you a little better, but there’s no pressure of course.

Thinking of you and sending kind thoughts,

Pepper

[CaptainSwing]

Hi Lucy, this might be a long shot but your description of your partner sounds a lot like me (although not in that exact situation). He may be suffering from depression himself - sometimes us males are rather stupid and would rather not share our situation with those closest to us.

In my case I had no idea why I was feeling a mixture of hopeless and angry until I went to a GP to look for a referral for marriage counselling after a particularly bad argument with my wife. The psychologist I was referred to listened to all my marriage and employment woes and during that couple of hours explained that it was my frame of reference that was wrong. The depression had caused a lot of problems including that overwhelming desire to withdraw from confrontations and difficult situations. My wife could not understand why I was withdrawn and angry. Now that we both understand what was going on, it doesn't make all the mutual hurt disappear but it does at least give us a clean piece of paper to work with.

If possible, perhaps get him to see a GP at least and do a questionnaire about his current mental state. He might not be willing to share it with you until he has had a chance to share it with a stranger.

It sounds bad and frustrating. I am sorry that you have come up against this at such a difficult time (newborns you feel like should be a joy). Most of all, it's not your fault but you can at least try this approach.

[Lucyopp188]

Young mum, with unplanned baby . Unfinished uni degree.

[Lucyopp188]

Yea we have seen a psychologist. My partner seems OK after seeing her. After one week, he just starts to be depressed again. He thinks the psychologist is trying to against him as well. He thinks he doesn't have enough time for his hobbies. But he literally just comes home from work is only Netflix never even wash one piece clothes for my son. He still spent most time on himself in his room.

[CaptainSwing]

I am sorry to hear that he regresses after a week or so - I'm not sure how far you can get with therapy if you aren't ready to accept that improvement will only come through wanting to change, and that even then for some people it will be a long and painful process.

[Lucyopp188]

True thanks

[paranoid_android]

That entire situation sounds toxic as hell.

So many believe self-worth is derived from others. It's a destructive mindset that needs to be broken out of. People should be independent and confident in themselves before they enter a relationship with someone. You are what you make of yourself. Your partner's opinion of you does not define you - only you can do that.

My initial thought was to say leave, but as has been pointed out there may be other factors at play here. Your partner may be suffering issues as well. Be there as support as he seeks to address those issues but likewise do not suffer him to abuse that support. He needs to be invested in helping himself. You can help show him that and be there for him while he tries but if he doesn't then it is neither your fault nor your responsibility. You do not belong to him nor anyone but yourself.