my dad doesn't acknowledge my depression

[livin-life-I-guess]

Hi guys

I'm new on here but I rly just need advice on how to deal with this situation tbh.

I guess I have been dealing with these issues for a long time now (especially through year 11 and 12) but was only diagnosed after I was admitted to the psych ward in November. I got diagnosed with depression, ADHD and anxiety, and I'm on medication for all of them. 

I started meds in september and its now January and none of my medication has worked, I'm worse than I was before I began lol. I deferred my uni exams around the time I went into the psych ward (november 2022), but now I have to sit them in under a month and I'm still feeling like shit and nothing has worked. 

To make matters worse I am living at home at the moment (during the uni semesters I live at college) and I'm constantly copping mean comments from my dad about how lazy I am, always sitting in my room, apparently all I do is watch TV according to him. Like I have tried to explain the fatigue and lack of motivation is literally a symptom of both depression and ADHD but he just doesnt believe me. When I tried to explain this to him he literally said "if I lived your lifestyle and never left my room or exercised I'd be depressed too." He just doesnt get it. He is already difficult to deal with on his own because I swear he is a narcissist, but on top of the added stress of everything and depression and exams, its unbearable. People from college don't understand why I never visit home but the constant fights, anger, blame and tension in my house is hard to explain and understand unless you have experienced it yourself.

I really need advice on how to deal with this as its starting to effect me and I feel like I can never do anything right. Its hard enough having to deal with all the depression crap without having to feel like anything I do could get me yelled at or in trouble. And on top of this I have to find the motivation to study for exams in like 3 weeks (keeping in mind I was so depressed for the whole of sem 2 that I literally did no work and have to start from scratch on all my subjects so that I can pass my deferred exams that start late january).

help lol, I hate it here

thanks guys sorry for the rant, any advice at all would be appreciated 🙂

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

I have a lot to say. I was originally diagnosed with ADHD in 2003 at 46yo. Took 12 different types of meds for 6 years and none worked!. Then rediagnosed by another psych with bipolar- appropriate meds and off I went enjoying life much more. Moral- the medical profession is humans- they make mistakes, dosages need to be fine tuned, hence psych's appointments are important etc. It's not an exact science.

Your dad doesnt understand, many dont, in fact most dont. This thread sums it up-

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/relationship-and-family-issues/they-just-wont-understand-why/m-p...

Anxiety is curable in most cases but you need to be committed long term

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/anxiety/anxiety-how-l-eliminated-it/td-p/183873

Motivation with depression, you have to work around it. Force yourself to walk around the block daily, minimum.

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/depression/depression-and-the-timing-of-motivation/td-p/149708

Can you control your mind by ignoring it sometimes?

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/switching-mindsets/m-p/274534/highlight/true

Focus when your mind has cleared its fog.

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/focus-and-never-ever-give-up/td-p/205053 

I hope the links help.

TonyWK 

[geoff]

Hello livin life I guess, I'm really sorry this has been happening and know myself that my father at first didn't believe I was also suffering until eventually he changed his mind with the help of an older brother, let's just exclude your dad for the moment, because now you are struggling with being able to even contemplate your studies, so have you thought about deferring this course once again, because that would certainly be better than failing the course.

There is no harm in putting this course on hold, many people who suffer from depression, in one way or another have done exactly the same and then being able to develop a much better life style.

It doesn't matter what your father says and really it's none of his business, so I wouldn't even tell him, but be careful of who you do tell, so that they won't tell him.

First of all you need help with your condition, because without doing this most chores will be a struggle.

You can also contact Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800 who help those from the age of 5 to 25 and some counsellor will adjust to the age of the person they connect with, but please keep talking with us.

Geoff.

Life Member.

You can ring them or talk with them online and can offer you great advice, there is also the BB phone number you can also ring to direct you in the right direction.

[livin-life-I-guess]

Thank you so much! I really appreciate your help. I guess in my mind once I was on medication I assumed I would be on the path to getting better, and I didn't really consider that it could take months or years.

Thank you again!

[livin-life-I-guess]

Thank you for your reply Geoff.

Yea honestly it sucks because even though I deferred my exams, if I was to defer them again I would be allowed to go back to college, and that is my happy place where all of my best friends live. I feel like if I don't pass these exams and cant go to college in feb I'll be putting my life on hold, missing out on time with my friends, and have to live at home with my parents, especially my dad who makes my life really difficult.

I guess I'm just unlucky because its a catch22... I know I should stop and fix myself so I can carry on, but stopping would actually worsen my depression by isolating me from my friends and having to live with my dad at home.

I have actually told him that I am diagnosed with depression and ADHD but he literally just says that he would be depressed too if he had my diet, exercise and sleep pattern - he doesnt seem to get that those are results from diagnoses not causes.

I think I need to find the right psychologist because currently I really dont see any benefit to it.

What kind of help does Kids Helpline offer?

thank you again Geoff, appreciate it!

[L123]

Hi,  You know how people offer advice, great adivce but it's hard to act on.  Sometimes it'not advice taht helps, it's just being heard.  I hear your hurt.  I have had depression on and off, mostly on, since 17.  I spoke to my family about it many times.  Sometimes they help, care, support, sometimes they don't.  I'm a 48 year old male.  This is not advice.  I have learned to belive that without some sort of down there is no up.  That caring people like yourself talk about it to each other.  Others cant or wont talk.  That in my uneducated opinion is what led to mental health stigma in modern society.  People say, get more exercise, see a therapist, eat well, stay off the drugs and alchol.  All great advice.  My view of it is people like us.  That take the time to reach out to beyond blue, black dog, lifeline etc are capital N, Normal.  I bet ever since humans had conciousness they have struggles with what we righly call depression, anxiety PTSD.  Which only a centurary agao we would have called melancholia, schitophreinia, insanity and shell shock.  Let all keep talking, keeping it real, keeping the doubters acountable.  We are human.  Big brains, complex beings, capable of lots of things we don't understand but want to.  Its what makes us, US.  All the best.  

[therising]

Hi livin-life-I-guess

I'm so glad you came here to find people who can relate to how you feel. So important to manage mental health through relationships that factor in relatability.

100% agree with L123, '...we are complex beings, capable of lots of things we don't understand but want to'. I've found replacing 'What's wrong with me?' with 'Why am I ticking the way I am?' is key.

Have also found there can be a lot of folk who are happy to offer basic guidance and that's where it stops. Basic guidance can turn out to be depressing. Mentally, we can be guided to 'Stop over analysing everything' but if you're trying to work the hell out of life, unless those people are going to help you do that, you'll keep analysing so as to find some heaven on earth and a greater sense of self understanding. Same people may say 'You just need to focus more' but if you've got significant focus issues, this is useless and frustrating 'advice' from people who can't relate to what can become a depressing lack of focus.

Physically, we can be given a med and told to eat better and exercise but unless someone's going to take the time and guide us toward understanding the complex chemical interactions that take place with such things, all these factors are simply things that don't work or we can't achieve. Chemical energy is one of the things that makes us tick. Next to no energy can be impossible to work with. Relying on people who can guide us thoughtfully through energy development is sometimes a must.

Naturally, you can be a 'feeler', feeling what boring feels like (highly agitating feeling), what next to no energy feels like, what not being heard feels like, what a stressful shortage of time feels like etc. You can feel it all and be told to ignore or suppress but those feelings remain for a reason. They're trying to tell us something.

With a lack of truly fascinating course work to help maintain interest, a lack of the right chemical energy to motivate and a lack of all the right things being in place (a recipe you can feel), you could say 'No wonder I'm struggling. Truth is I am someone who works well with the best of everything not someone who works well with a lack of so much'. If the meds feel depressing, that's worth addressing.