my boyfriend has depression and i dont know how to help

[cc11]

my boyfriend and i are both 17 and just started dating a month ago, however we’ve been friends for years. He has depression and i feel like im very useless at trying to help him.

He has family issues where he feels like his whole family hates him and he’s currently dealing with his parents divorce and his dad moving out. He usually talks about how his life sucks and he hates his life but during a call last night, he broke down whilst he was drunk and cried to me about how he couldnt deal with his life anymore.

I continue to tell him im always there to listen to him but i feel like im not giving him the answers/words he needs to hear. i havent dealt with anyone with depression and i really do want to be there for him.

Can someone give me few advices on this please! i’ve read several articles about how to help someone with depression but i feel like theyre not helping as much because theyre most useful to adults and not teenagers.

[Sophie_M]

Hi cc11,

We are sorry to hear that your boyfriend is going through such a difficult time with his depression and family situation. The fact that he is able to discuss his feelings with you shows how much of a support you are to him.

If you would like to reach out to a mental health professional for additional support we would suggest calling our Support Service on 1300 22 4636. We can help 24 hours a day, seven days a week with counselling support, information and referrals. Our support services can also be accessed through email and Webchat (3pm-12am AEST) through our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport

Feel free to check back in if you require any further support. 

[smallwolf]

cc11,

Been thinking about your problem in the last while and what you can do... In my reply, I will assume that he does not (?) or is not getting professional help for depression. Please let me know if I am wrong.

But before that, a little background on me and depression... As a person with depression sometime will not know how to answer a question or where to start. And that is odd because when I speak with my psychologist I have no problems chatting away. So, opening up to loved ones and friends can be hard, because the exact reason at that moment in time is hard to pin down.

Talking then, can be good therapy. Let him talk to you. (I know you are already "listening".) Now I am not necessarily suggesting that you put on a counseling hat, but maybe ask him "how be has been coping since ______?". When I have coffee with someone from my support group, that question becomes my invitation to the open up, and permits me to be honest with them, instead of wearing a mask.

And in these discussion, remind him that he is not alone. That he has you, family and friends (?) who will support him. When we have depression we think we are the only to "have it", but that is only because it is not spoken about much/at all and the associated stigma. And that if he needs it, professional help is available as suggested by Sophie.

Tim

[Doolhof]

Hi cc11,

Welcome tot he community here. It is good that your boyfriend is able to chat with you, that is a positive beginning. Sophie has offered yo some advice on where to get help and Tim has made some suggestions as well.

Can you have a look at the information you do have available to you and consider how you may be able to use that to help your boyfriend. It can be a huge responsibility looking after someone with depression, so please ensure you take car e of yourself as well.

Can you encourage your boyfriend to remove himself from the home now and then? Doing something he usually enjoys will help his moods.

It is important for him to realise as well it was his parents decision to separate. We have very little control over what other people do and say.

Does he have other relatives he is close to maybe cousins or uncles? Could he talk with them about how he is feeling.

Depression, no matter what the age of the person suffering, can distort our thinking so we see a lot of negatives. It is possible to change some of those thoughts bit by bit.

One thing I like to do is to try and think of things I have to be thankful for. It helps a little.

Hope you have success helping your boyfriend find the help he needs.

Cheers from Dools

[Guest_357]

Hi CC,

Im not a professional but I know that fhis is a hard thing to deal with. I think maybe you should talk to your boyfriend openly about this and let him know that you care, but you struggle to help him with this. It’s actualkg quite hard to deal with these situations so don’t feel as if you’re a bad person because of it. Try researching online and maybe talk to his family as well if you’re able to. Hope this helps 🙂