Mum doesn't believe me

[ArkFall]

Hi all,

I was diagnosed with ASD nearly 2 years ago now, but the earliest I can remember coping with my depression using maladaptive daydreaming disorder is October 2013 when I was 12, and nothing's changed since. When I realised I wasn't supposed to feel empty for months at a time, I looked it up and told mum what keeps happening and 'this might be why' but she said I don't. Not any reasoning or anything, I just don't. She always denied it before I was diagnosed, but now has the excuse of using my ASD diagnosis as the reason of my 'not-depression'. Depression is tied in with ASD and anxiety disorders, and she accepts the extreme social anxiety, but she refuses to acknowledge the fact that I can't function like I'm supposed to, even with ASD. As far as I can tell the depression ruts are getting worse and I don't have any active support readily available.

I feel she might be using her experience with depression as a sort of comparison; I've never self-harmed or actively run away from home so surely I'm not depressed, right? I know that everyone experiences depression differently, it just makes me feel like I make it up whenever I get stuck in a rut for weeks or months at a time. It's certainly not helping that I never manage to catch a therapist appointment while I feel particularly bad, and so I can't accurately describe what's going on at the time.

Would it be a good idea to start a sort-of diary entry every time I can manage to write more than a few words so my therapist can more accurately see what's going on? I know mum won't accept a self-diagnosis, but I can't think of anything else that could help at the moment. I want to make sure I'm not making it up or exaggerating something else before I start my final year of high school.

[white knight]

Hi Arkfall, welcome

I know what it's like to need to gain your parents support, understanding and guidence. However, this sometimes isnt possible. Let me explain.

If you had a physical disability your mum would be quite different. People can see and identify with physical disabilities...empathy is the word.

If we took 100 people at random off the street and asked them honestly or assessed their views/opinions of mental illness around 70% would not/could not reach out with empathy. 20% would try, 5% would get it and be contructively dupportive and 5% would be us...those with issues.

Is your mum any different to the majority? No, and that makes her normal really, not uncaring, just normal.

Make no mistake, try not to confuse care and love for not "getting" mental illness.

You posted on this forum to seek out members that have such empathy. Well done. It is what you need to do in real life, seek out friends, relatives that can give support rather than having expectations of your mum or anyone else really.

I hope I've helped. We cant expect too much of people that might not have the capacity to come to grips with mental illness. It isnt their fault, you cant see the illness, feel it, hear it or smell it.

But we understand. That's why we are here.

TonyWK

[newtone]

Hi Arkfall,

I’m sorry to hear that you don’t feel like your feelings are valid, and that you don’t have a readily available support network there for you when you are in need of that validation.

Ive tried the diary approach myself, and there’s some positives and negatives that you need to consider.

I found it therapeutic to get my thoughts on paper, I found it helped to articulate and pinpoint my emotions and I was then able to use this later as ‘evidence’, which is what I know you’re wanting to do.

however, sometimes it felt like a chore, or another expectation on me, or it caused me to fixate on getting my words right to express myself to be understood rather than actually mind vomiting onto the page.

I also found that when I was in my low stages, I would reread a lot of what I had written to relive those experiences.

my advice to you would be to weigh up your own personal positives and negatives. Are you a writer normally? How do you express yourself? Why do you feel like you can’t be accurate with your therapist?

can you use other stimulus to remind yourself that your feelings are valid? Rather than just seeking that one source of validation (I.e parental)?

Just things that ive had to think about personally, and things that I hope may help you.

i wish you all the best, all the support, and above all else, I wish for you to feel valid, and heard.

You aren’t alone xx