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Middle Aged and Failing uni soon to be twice.
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Salutations,
I'm an international student studying in South Australia. I have repeated and with from one uni. And now, I'm gonna fail this one soon. I'm in an IT course and not very good in programming. Have seek but advice given was limited. I think my depression is relapsing. Made no real friends here since my arrival almost 1 and half years back. I got so frustrated with my course work that I stopped going to campus since last week.
The only person that is keeping me sane is my elderly mother whom I called weekly on the phone. I have a history of unable to form relations at any level. Am seriously at a loss and broke down earlier. My issues are much more deep rooted that I do not know how to clean it. I need help, thanks for reading. Adios.
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If anyone bother to read on. Actually, I thought a change of environment might do me good. Unfortunately, it just proves that I'm not very good in maintaining friendships nor intimate relationships. Made zero friends here. So, I only deduced that I do not know how to socialise properly. Right now, I lost all motivation. Yeah, I really feel like a failure. On top of that I have adhd. My only wish is to make least 2 real friends during my lifetime. However, that hope is fading fast. I don't wish to keep seeing professional health workers. Coz they are not really my friends as they are paid to do their jobs. Not that I do not appreciate their service, it's just not really my style.
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Hi there macrick
Firstly I’d like to extend a very warm welcome to you to Beyond Blue and to thank you for coming here and providing your posts.
Secondly, I not only bothered to read once, but I went back and bothered to read your posts a 2nd time cause I wanted to try and fully understand all that you’ve written and how you are feeling. And you’re not feeling too well, which is no doubt why you’ve come here, so I hope between a few of us, we’ll be able to provide you with some help, advice and support.
With regard to your course, it’s great that you’ve sought advice, but if that was limited, is there no other person or place you can go to try to seek out more assistance – and by the way, that can be a big thing to ask for help, so well done on being able to do that.
Within courses and Uni’s sometimes it can be hard to make new acquaintances – it’s the old thing of trying to strike up some kind of conversation with another person and to see whether they’re receptive to having a chat – and to talk about ‘whatever’. I find sport is usually a great means of introductions – or at least I used too, I’m not kind of ‘hiring any new friends’ at the moment. 🙂
You’re studying at Uni – yet you say you’re running out of time fast for the opportunity to make new friends – does this mean that you’re an elder statesman, who is trying to get a Uni course completed as a bucket list kind of thing? That’s my roundabout way of thinking that you’re an older person. Cause even then, I find older people really the most genuine people about and who LOVE to have a chat, so making friends with that age group is great – trouble is with this, if they are starting to lose their memories, etc, that keeping that friendship can be difficult, cause they’ll forget who they know. 🙂
With regard to professional health workers – does this mean you’ve been to see a GP and they referred you on? Have they suggested anti-depressants also?
Would really love to hear back from you macrick,
Neil
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"Within courses and Uni’s sometimes it can be hard to make new acquaintances – it’s the old thing of trying to strike up some kind of conversation with another person and to see whether they’re receptive to having a chat – and to talk about ‘whatever’. "
Yeah, I tried that before. Usually nothing much comes out of it. There's one guy but he has head back home. I don't need people to molly coddle me. Kinda overage for that. Just hang out once a fortnight. Heck, if one need help. IÍI help within my means. Unfortunately, when I was in my 20s. I think I put other people's priorities over myself so much. That I got burned. (5-6 years later, I realised that the person wasn't my friend.) So, I have to do it at my own discretion .
"yet you say you’re running out of time fast for the opportunity to make new friends"
What I meant is that for every decade you age, it's harder to make new ones. Least this is my experience.
" I find older people really the most genuine people about and who LOVE to have a chat, so making friends with that age group is great – trouble is with this, if they are starting to lose their memories, etc, that keeping that friendship can be difficult, cause they’ll forget who they know"
Well, I'm not even 40 yet. As far as I'm concerned. My memory is working fine. I just need to see someone twice within the week. IÍI still remember his/her name for least for rest of the month. Just that my structured planning and emotional health are screwed.
"With regard to professional health workers – does this mean you’ve been to see a GP and they referred you on? Have they suggested anti-depressants also?"
I had a breakdown during my late 20s. I never really recovered from that couple of episodes. When I did programming, think my IQ dropped like 10 points. I have seen a psychiatrist, psychologist. Was prescribed with SSRIs and prozac before, but I gave up taking after a month. My clinical depression is heredity. Don't wanna end up like my mother. taking it for life. Usually, the trigger is when I'm alone doing my programming in my room. Sometimes, I just break down and can't concentrate further.
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it’s the old thing of trying to strike up some kind of conversation with another person and to see whether they’re receptive to having a chat – and to talk about ‘whatever’. I find sport is usually a great means of introductions –or at least I used too,
I did make an effort to make some friends. And I know people do have own priorities. However, nothing fruitful came out of it
does this mean that you’re an elder statesman, who is trying to get a Uni course completed as a bucket list kind of thing?
Hope I'm replying correctly. Well, completing Uni is one of the things I hope to achieve before I hit 40.
if they are starting to lose their memories, etc, that keeping that friendship can be difficult, cause they’ll forget who they know
As far as I'm concerned. My memory is working fine. Not my structured planning nor my emotional health though.
With regard to professional health workers – does this mean you’ve been to see a GP and they referred you on? Have they suggested anti-depressants also?
I have seen 2 different psychiatry (1 month each) , psychologist (abt 3months). Taken prozac and SSRI for abt a month but gave up. My clinical depression is apparently heredity.
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Hi there Macrick
Thanx heaps for coming back with your latest response and getting straight into it, I can see very much that if you put a fair bit of time (and effort) into trying to establish a friendship or the like, only to have that turn out against you and as you said, you got burned. And that’s something that is unfortunate and we don’t take too well at being treated that way – it’s something hard to forget.
I think we were a bit “one talking about the horse and the other talking about the cart” regarding the old folk – I was referring to old folk in general and certainly wasn’t meaning that you were an “old folk” – which of course you aren’t. You’ve got at least 10 years on me, so to me, you’re just a pup. 🙂
Wow, I’m reading here that when you talk about programming, it appears that it isn’t that good for you – on an internal mental basis, which appears to be your biggest trigger.
I don’t argue that your depression is hereditary, but with this programming thing, do you think it’s certainly not helping you?
Thank you for mentioning your appointments with psychs that you’ve seen and also for meds that you’ve been on – I’m guessing that these were some time ago. Have you recently seen your GP for a kind of a check-up or a review?
Kind regards
Neil
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Hi Macrick!
Firstly, welcome to beyondblue! I applaud you on taking action and seeking help with us online - recognising that you have a problem is the first step towards recovery.
A couple of things I would suggest to help with lack of motivation is to firstly have a look at the environment in which you are working in - I recently redecorated my bedroom and it is amazing what a difference decor can make to your work attitude. Try lighting some vanilla scented candles and having a couple of nice plants nearby. I also recommend making a mood board full of inspirational quotes, your goals, and places you'd like to go to one day, to help keep you on track of why you're doing what you're doing.
As for your concentration, try to hype yourself up for your assignments with light reading. Make sure you don't have any distractions, turn off your phone and close any social media. Take deep breaths and maybe have a cup of tea (or a preferred beverage) next to your laptop to help you stay relaxed. Focus on one thing at a time so you don't get overwhelmed. Take regular breaks but keep a schedule so you don't get off track and you know how long it'll take to get each task done.
Considering the long-term struggles you mentioned, I strongly suggest giving the beyondblue hotline a call - they have trained professionals who are more than willing to listen and help, and they might have some better suggestions than mine.
Stay strong and don't give up hope! Remember - your feelings don't define you!
Crystal
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