Mid life crisis and depression as well!

[wagner]

Hi everyone, I am new to using online forums so bear with me. Recently I had what I consider a breakdown. My relationship wasn't going well as my girlfriend had become a workaholic and I resented the hours which she worked. Work was incredibly stressful (I am a high school teacher). I could not derive any pleasure from anything. 4 weeks ago it became too much and I was seriously wanting to end it all. Fortunately I didn't go through with it although it was pretty close. Now my girlfriend has left me because she cannot cope with my negativity. I am probably going to sell the house and I have nowhere to live. I was hoping to have a family but that seems highly unlikely. Everyone has been really helpful at work and my friends have been pretty understanding. I feel lost and alone. The future I had planned is gone and the only thing I care about are my two dogs. I really don't want to end up alone. I am seeking help and have a gp which is really good and I am seeing a counsellor. Does anyone know of any support groups in the inner west of Sydney? The easter break has been really tough and I cannot stop thinking about the past and the poor decisions which I have made. Any suggestions?

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[wagner]

Dear members, thanks for your support and advice. Even though I have not met you  I really appreciate your kind words and support. I had a pretty good time in Qld I really enjoyed spending time with my friend. He kept asking, " How can I help I am not sure what to do?" all I could say to reassure him and myself was to tell him that just spending time with him and his kids was pretty good therapy in itself. I guess that is what life is all about. My partner and I have not reconciled but we are on friendly terms which is a relief. I was half expecting the house to be cleared out but she is essentially a good person and at least she showed a bit of an interest in how I was feeling which has not been the case for a long time. I have always had a cynical approach to online help but I have to admit that this has genuinely helped me. Back to work next week is the next challenge but at least this time I have some strategies in place, I am not sure how much the ssri drugs are helping but this time round I am going to accept the doctors advice. I told my friend Steve that for the first time in my life I feel scared that this is not going to be fixed anytime soon. I would rather have a broken limb than what I and I am sure many of you have experienced or are currently experiencing, I am trying to stay positive and at least I still have my dogs. I am not sure if this is helping anyone but myself but for those of you who are feeling down I guess talking about how you feel and knowing that people are listening makes the whole process of getting well a little easier. Thanks guys I really appreciate your kind words,

[July]

Hi Wagner,

Im glad you had some relaxing time away, sometimes its good to just  get away and forget about everything for a while, get a new perspective on things.

I bet its relief you and your partner are still on good terms and I'm sure with time,  you will sort everything out which ever way it may fall, separating is never easy but life will go on.

I totally agree with you when you say about having a "physical problem" is so much easier to resolve than a "mental" one, as we can "hide our mental problems" and carry on to some degree, but still carry that pain and anguish inside, we put on a happy face to the world as that is what is expected of us in society and in our work places, but our  hearts ache for some resolution.

I to, felt a sense of companionship and a common bond with people on this site, I have found it quite therapeutic writing posts here, as we are all in the same "boat", and we understand , a little human kindness goes a long way.

We all have good and bad days, so don't be discouraged, healing takes time so give yourself the same  love that you give to your precious dogs.

All the best

July

[Doolhof]

Dear Wagner,

Thank you for your wonderfully honest post. This last week I have been struggling with finding some kind of balance in my life thanks to my mental health issues. I have thought about tossing in my job, leaving my volunteer work, running away and a host of  other unhelpful thoughts!

The main thing is to realise that they are thoughts and feelings and to a certain degree I can do something about them without over reacting and really messing things up!

I don't know about you or others, but my depression can sometimes turn into a strong sense of frustration, which leads to anger. Not really a very good combination. Maybe I need to return to my Dr and let him know. These new tablets might not be doing the trick for me.

This is a wonderful place to receive help, other people's insight, support and encouragement. I too am very thankful that I have found Beyond Blue.

It is good to know you have been able to speak with your partner and that she has not cleaned out the house. You hear so many vengeful and horrible stories about when people split up.

Hopefully you will be okay when you return to work, it is great you have some strategies in place, that is always a great help.

Wishing you all the best and thanks again for sharing, it helps us all to know how others are doing, and that we are not the only ones suffering and recovering!

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

[wagner]

Hey guys, back online again and it has been a pretty rough couple of days. My partner is definately moving out this week and had a pretty horrible day organising the finances at the bank. It was particuarly hard when the teller said we make a lovely couple. Part of the issue with my health is that my partner still has not spoken to me in any detail about what has happened to our relationship in the past 6 months. I know I have treated her badly but I think that she is still getting her head around what has happened to me and she cannot divorce herself from the well me and the sick me. I don't know if this has happened to anyone else. Part of me wants to make her talk about things but I know that this would make things worse. Has anyone else had a similar situation? Any ideas?

Thanks

[Doolhof]

Hi Wagner,

It must be tough going through the actions of sorting out finances and knowing your partner is moving out.

Maybe she doesn't know how to express how she has been feeling regarding your relationship over the last 6 months. If she is moving out, then maybe you will never know and may just need to accept that and try to move on.

Some people use the expression "It is best to leave sleeping dogs alone" so they don't snap at you. It is hard to know what is the best thing for you to do.

You wrote that part of you wants to make her talk about things. We can't really "make" any one do anything unless they want to.

[wagner]

Hi guys haven't been on this forum for a while as aspects of my life have spiralled out of control then righted itself, then spiralled. Had a rough three weeks to be honest. Co-habiting with someone who is going to leave you is tough and I can't believe that we didn't have a major fight. It was my birthday on Monday and that was without question the worst one in my life. I did manage to get to work though and struggled through the day. My girlfriend has finally moved out so I am sitting in a semi-vacant house with the dogs. At least they are still here. Hopefully I will start to feel more settled and have some structure to my life for a little while. To those others who are suffering with depression the way I have coped is that if you can find a gp or a health professional that you trust then see them. It does help. Don't be afraid to speak to family and friends . I have been amazed at the amount of support I have received from people who I thought didn't care.Hope this helps

[Doolhof]

Hi Wagner,

It is great to hear from you again. Wishing you a belated Birthday for Monday. Sorry to read you have been on such a tough roller coaster ride these last few weeks.

It is excellent you have a supportive and understanding Dr and hopefully a mental health team behind you to help out.

I find it is interesting how some family members and friends are so willing to listen and help you when they are aware of how you are feeling. Good on you for having the courage to speak up and let people know how you are travelling.

December last year I had a break down and was in hospital for two weeks. My nieces came to visit me and a girlfriend brought along her teenage daughters as well. I was a little embarrassed at first, then thought, it was good exposure for everyone to realise how I was not doing so well and depression is an illness like anything else.

I hope your support continues. Call out to people if you need more support or just someone to chat with.

That is the great thing about this forum, there is always someone here for you!

Thinking of you and hoping your journey has less pot holes in it this week!

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools