Lost motivation and direction

Elizabeth CP · ‎02-01-2016

I feel guilty because I am wasting time and not doing anything useful. I feel like I have no purpose. I feel guilty because I have no excuse for complaining Other people have much worse situations. I normally am very goal orientated and feel bad if I am not achieving things. I am marking time waiting for summer to finish. I hate the heat. I am scared in case fires start and I don't like going out in case I get sunburnt. I had a good job which I left in October. I had been struggling because my husband kept getting sick. He spent 6 weeks in hospital Sept-Oct '14 just after I started work and came home so weak he could barely walk from one room to the next. (we previously enjoyed bushwalking) He then had lots of doctors appointments and tests to plan for further surgery to prevent him having the same problem. I was very stressed and always worried about him. I couldn't afford to take off much time for carers leave because I hadn't worked long enough. My plan was to arrange a holiday and see how I felt after having a break. Unfortunately one holiday was cancelled because of the initial illness, the second holiday (which was timed to coincide with a public holiday and flexing my hours to limit the days off) I came home exhausted as my husband became sick the night we left and I got very little sleep as I had to look after him in the night. After his surgery in July we booked a 2 week holiday for September. The surgery failed and was repeated 5 times. After the last failure we decided not to contact the hospital or doctor as we couldn't cope with another failed attempt. We will just manage as best as we can. 2 weeks before the holiday I broke my ankle so the holiday was cancelled. At that point I decided to resign rather than see how I felt after a break.

Zeal · ‎02-01-2016

Hi Elizabeth,

I am really sorry to hear that your husband has been so unwell, and that you are struggling emotionally with the resulting effect on both of your lives. Guilt is a horrid emotion when it is felt in situations where the person does not deserve to feel it. Mental illness is a major cause of this guilt. Has your depression been diagnosed, and have you sought treatment for your depression before? I feel that having a professional guide you through strategies to minimise the burden of your depressive symptoms is crucial for you. Start by going to your GP, who will discuss options and treatments (doesn't have to be meds) and refer you to a psychologist if needed.

This heat has been quite exhausting, I must say. Especially the handful of forty-plus degree days! I'm also sorry to hear that your holiday plans couldn't go ahead. Perhaps when the doctor says your husband is going through a more stable period, you could have a local weekend getaway instead. It may not be the ideal holiday, but could still be a change of pace from daily life.

I will now go and read your next post!

Best wishes,

SM

Elizabeth CP · ‎02-01-2016

Thank you SM

I have been seeing a psychologist for several years to help me deal with some of the challenges I have been facing. I originally started seeing him to help me deal with my son who became suicidal & depressed. He had a few admissions to hospital. This eventually settled down but has flared up again since he got married a couple of years ago. His wife does a number of things which trigger his depression and refuses to listen to advice. I was unable to speak to the professionals looking after him because his wife believes it is her role not mine. The last couple of years I have seen my psychologist more frequently because of the issues I was having dealing with my husband's condition as well as stress due to my son. We had to move 2 years ago because of my husband as our house & land was no longer safe for him and I couldn't look after it. I have tried antidepressents prescribed by my GP but couldn't tolerate the side effects. I started seeing a psychiatrist and I have started having exposure therapy for PTSD due to trauma as a child (I was caught in a bushfire which burnt our house while my mum & I were inside) Unfortunately this has stirred things up and both the psychologist & psychiatrist are on holidays so I am supposed to do the exposure therapy at home on my own until I see the psychologist in a couple of weeks time. Obviously the heat & recent bushfires on the news have not helped me.

I am have been prescribed exercises by my physiotherapist and was told to continue them for 3 months. If I am still in pain then I can return to the specialist for further review. The specialist didn't want to do anything else at the moment.

As far as casual work, volunteering, Joining a group to do outdoor activities I need to wait until I feel better mentally and with my ankle and can get my life back together so I can make proper desicions for the future

Zeal · ‎03-01-2016

Hi Elizabeth,

Thank you for replying 🙂

Being in a bushfire must have been traumatic, and now I can fully understand why you dislike the heat and worry about fires. The bushfires have been rampantly reported by the media. Perhaps read the newspaper or online news articles for now, rather than watching the live news. The live coverage videos and frequent images would probably be more anxiety triggering.

It's good you have the exercises. Put them somewhere very visible in your home, so remembering to do them regularly is easier. Setting aside a particular time of day to do them could also help you develop a routine. You are very right in saying that you need to rest and recover your ankle before embarking on any new ventures, such as volunteering or outdoor activities. I didn't realise how much longer the ankle recovery would take, as I haven't had an injury of this nature before.

I hope the New Year can be positive for you, once your ankle improves and you can see your psych's again 🙂

Best wishes,

SM

Elizabeth CP · ‎03-01-2016

Thanks for your reply. I don't know why the ankle is taking so long to heal. I don't normally watch the news on TV but hear it on the radio and then check up what is happening online which is really bad for me but I have a compulsion to check to ensure it is improving It is almost like I take on board what is happening to everyone else because I know how bad it can be. I know that makes no sense.

I need to find things to do which I can manage & enjoy but I either can't be bothered or my mind focuses on what I can't do or why it is too hard. The negative thoughts seem to take over all the time.

CopingSince2012 · ‎03-01-2016

Wow Elizabeth, supporting your son and husband as well as your own mental health. You are an amazing woman! I can only hope I have your strength xx

Elizabeth CP · ‎03-01-2016

thanks but I don't feel like a champion. I haven't been able to support my son since he got married as his wife doesn't like to listen to advice and thinks she knows best. It makes me feel guilty not helping but I don't know what to do . I also feel I should be doing more for my husband before it is too late!! His condition is progressive although unlikely to kill him but will continue to reduce quality of life. I should be grateful that it is not worse.

CopingSince2012 · ‎03-01-2016

You supported your son to grow up to be a gentleman that someone wanted to marry. You support him now by being there when he needs and not interfering with his marriage and his family choices.

You again support your husband by being there for him. With his medical condition out of your and his control, what more can you do? Honestly? If you think of something, why don't you do it...

Look after you

Elizabeth CP · ‎04-01-2016

Thank you