Losing hope

[Butterfly91]

Hi there,

 I have struggled with depression for most of my life. At the beginning of this year I seemed to have a grip on things and was doing pretty well but after a couple of months once I decided to stop taking my medication I fell into a dark and inescapable hole. I isolated myself and found it harder and harder to reach out to others. To this day I've tried three different types of medication and while i know it's not a cure, I'm still not feeling much improvement. I feel disconnected and barely like myself. I struggle to talk to others when I was once always sociable and optimistic. It feels like I am trapped and no matter what I do, nothing seems to make me feel better. In the new year I want to further my studies but even finding motivation is really difficult. It feels like I've completely lost myself and I don't know what to do. Please help 😞

[Doolhof]

Dear Butterfly,

Hi. I hope you are able to make small steps each day to making your life better for yourself. I need to listen to my own advice! Ha. Ha. It is not always easy to be motivated or enthusiastic about getting out to do things.

A couple of days ago I managed a walk which I thoroughly enjoyed. The last couple of days have been far too hot for that, with it being about 30 degrees at 7.00 a.m.

This morning I managed to do my stretches for 30 minutes so that was good. The house is clean and ready for guests who are staying for two days.

Later this morning I am heading off to Church, a place I have not been for over a month. Our congregation is only very small. I have tried to make friendships there but it has been a real hard slog with little response. Guess everyone is busy doing their own stuff.

I need to get myself back to the Country Fire Service training nights as well. I have skipped out on those for ages too.

Hope you can find some new friends and activities that you enjoy.

Cheers for now, from Mrs. Dools

[Butterfly91]

I really don't know how much longer I can take this 😞 sometimes I have hope,  but on days like today I just want to give up 😞 it's so unlike me but I haven't been feeling like myself for such a long time and I scared that I'll stay this way forever. I tried talking to someone on the online chat but that didn't really help. I'm just struggling to see the light at the end of the tunnel 

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[Doolhof]

Dear Butterfly,

Hi. I have been off the computer for a couple of days, so hope you are feeling a little better and have been able to find some help and support.

Maybe you could try the Webchat again, it may depend who you have on the other end as to how you communicate with each other. I know there are times when I have been to see different Drs. /counsellors/psychologists/ other help people and you don't always click with them.

The same goes with webchats and phone line services. You might not connect wit the first person you chat to, but there may be a different person next time who you feel more aligned with.

Have you been back to your Dr for a chat? Is he or she able to recommend someone for you to talk with to get help and advice?

Does it help you if you write out how you are feeling? I have just bought a couple of books to write in.

One I am going to really pour my heart into, letting go of so much hurt, pain, shame, grief and muck I have been carrying around with me for so long. I am very thankful I have now found a counsellor who is prepared to read all of this and to help me work through it, off load it and to move on.

The other is going to be my Happiness Book. Each day for a year, I am planning to write down something that makes me happy. I like to doodle as well, so I am going to draw in the book as I go along.  

I have started a Happiness thread here at Beyond Blue. Maybe you could add something to that now and then or start up your own little book of things to be thankful for or that make you happy.

Wishing you well, and hoping you find a way to recovery. Cheers for now, from Mrs. Dools

[Butterfly91]

Dearest Mrs Dools

 im sorry for taking so long to reply, I must admit I'm not feeling as despondent as I was feeling before. I have tried different methods of help and at the moment I'm doing an online treatment course and I have a therapist who contacts me to see how it's all going. I'm only in the first 2 weeks of it but it has allowed me to see some of the negative patterns and thoughts which lead to how I'm feeling. There's an exercise for each week which helps you to deal with negative thoughts and emotions and so far I think I've found doing it quite helpful.

 I've also been accepted into nursing, which makes me both nervous and excited. I've always had a passion to empower people in their illness/disease and even though it is a very challenging career I feel like it will be worth it. 

The only thing is my parents don't think I'm capable and they are trying to create doubt in my mind which is only making me feel bad again 😞 

[Doolhof]

Dear Butterfly,

Hi. Lovely to hear from you again. Congratulations all round for doing the online course and for also being accepted into nursing.

I am sure you will come across challenges with both things, the online course and the nursing. I am currently working through some stuff with a mental health nurse and some of that is really pushing buttons for me, but I can see the benefit in it.

I'm finding I am having moments when I am thinking, so that is why I think that way or why I do such and such! The enlightenment is amazing at times! I am learning so much and hope you do as well with your course!

Regarding the nursing, that is something I would have loved to have done, but it didn't quite work out for me. I am wishing you all the best with that. Try no to allow the doubts your parents have affect you too much. It would be lovely to have their support and encouragement., but if it is not there, just go for it any way.

A friend of mine has had a wonderful career in nursing, do so many different positions and roles and has really enjoyed herself. I worked in aged care and loved that. I am now sort of still involved with the elderly, more in a social and house work role and still enjoy that.

No need to apologise for not chatting early. We all have stuff and life to deal with, if it be good, bad or something in-between. I wish you well with all your ventures and will be looking forward to hearing more from you when you are up to posting again. 

Cheers for now, from Mrs. Dools

[Neil_1]

Hi there Butterfly

I’ve been away for a little while on this thread, and it’s great to see you and Mrs Dools sharing posts.

That is awesome news about the ‘on-line’ treatment course that you’re doing and especially pleasing to hear that you’re feeling that it’s being quite helpful to you.  That must also give you a very good feeling inside;   knowing that you’ve reached out and sought out your own methods of help and have come up with something that is good for you – huge congrats to you for doing this.  You should feel VERY good about yourself for achieving this and I hope that the good results continue for you.

Accepted into nursing – absolutely brilliant.   Yes, it is a challenging career, but as you quite right say, it will be exciting times and to have the opportunity to provide ‘hands on’ help to people who are in need would be an amazing thing to do.  And I assume another thing is that a nurse’s role can be so varied also that it will give you experience and opportunity that most people would never get to do – and with that, knowledge as well.

With regard to your parents, I would try to distance myself from them for the time being – so they don’t have the opportunity to drag you down with their negative thoughts;   but then after a while, when you have been doing this for a while and excelling at it (as I believe you will), you can then go to them and tell them, that they may wish to change their mind now.   A kind of, hey, I showed you – you said I wouldn’t make it, but I did.  🙂

Hope that you can stay in touch to keep us up to date with how you’re going.

Neil