Looking for hope

[Shaneb]

I really don't know what to do anymore, over the last few years I've watched myself fall into this dark black hole with no light at the end of the tunnel. I once cared for so much, wanted to achieve my goals and better myself and now i feel my depression stripping me of everything that made me who i was. All i feel everyday is pain, anger and despair, I lost enjoyment from the things i once loved and find no sense of accomplishment from what i do achieve. I lost my job due to stress physically affecting me and causing me to become ill, i told them the truth and what i was going through but after two weeks off trying to recover i was fired. I'm stuck with myself everyday now, all the thoughts and feelings i cannot make sense of which causes me to question my sanity at times. I have no family or friends to turn too for help, the loneliness over the last few months has become overwhelming and add everything else on top and all i want to do is sleep to escape the pain. Im becoming tired of fighting to only end up going backwards and letting my emotions control me. I am currently getting professional help though it hasn't been helpful as of yet. I wish i could pull myself out of this hole but i simply don't have the strength and determination to do so.

[Doolhof]

Hi Shaneb,

I send you a warm welcome to the community here. Many people here can relate to what you have written. I have been tot he place where you are at and I know how debilitating it can be.

I am wondering if you wold consider a break in hospital for a few days just so someone else can look after you for a while. I know this is not always possible nor a choice, but it might help.

Can you encourage yourself to do a couple of things each day to help yourself. Even if that is to have a shower and put on clean clothes, some days that can be an effort in itself.

I try to think of things to be thankful for even on the darkest days.

My psychologist has been trying to get me to accept the not so pleasant days when they hit me, to acknowledge them, to not allow them to get too dark and to try and find something purposeful to do so I feel a little better about myself.

I also use the phone support service on 1300 22 4636, sometimes I find a chat with the staff very helpful.

Can you get yourself out for a short walk a few times a week? A change of scenery can help. Having a sense of achievement helps too.

Sometimes all we can do is breathe deeply and rest a while until some strength and determination returns.

Hope you find some ways to take small steps forward!

Cheers to you from Dools

[Doolhof]

Hi Shaneb,

Have a look at the thread titled "Words of Comfort, Encouragement and Wisdom in the Staying Well section.

There are some powerful statements there that might just trigger some hope in you!