long time suffer since childhood. looking for advice/chats with other long term sufferers

[mandymoo]

Hi everyone, 

I am looking to find some support or advice from other long term sufferers . It would help to know that there are others who have battled with this and continue to keep on keeping on.

I'll share a little of my history and some difficulties I am facing now. I have suffered bouts of depression since I was 8 . If it happened before then I can not recall it. I am now 28 and still fighting to keep on top of managing life with depression. My first thoughts of self harm were at 8 and I suffered major depressive episodes regularly after this. I went undiagnosed up until the age of 18 when I spent time in a mental health ward after my mother called the police for assistance as she didn't know what else to do. As the years go on I am finding it harder to pick myself up from my little moments, as I call them. They occur at least once every year and seem to be getting a little worse each time. I have started suffering from anxiety along with them, which I feel is coming from the dread I experience when I sense my efforts to fight back an episode aren't working well. I am currently hitting a major low point but have finally taken the steps to seek help that I should have done a long time ago....the problem I am facing is that I feel so exhausted from the compiling effects over the years that I am doubting my ability to fight back to better times like I usually do. My little box of hope I draw upon to build up my positive thoughts feels empty and I'm not sure where I'm going to get the strength to fight this time. As my thoughts wandered to places I normally don't let them go to tonight I thought I would come here and ask for suggestions from others that may have found them selves where I am now. My question to you all is how did you find strength when your supply of hope was dwindling? And what helped you to get back on track.

Thanks for taking the time to read my post. Appreciation in advance 🙂

Mandymoo 

[geoff]

dear Mandymoo, welcome to the site and thanks for posting a comment.

I hear what you are saying and I understand how you feel and yes many of us have been through exactly in the same position as you are in now.

It's a long time of having this awful illness and without any moral support makes it so difficult for you to move ahead, not that I'm saying your mum hasn't been.

What happens is when we have this disease we don't know what to do, so our mind goes around in circles, so we don't get anywhere.

You say they occur once a year but perhaps you are being very modest here, as I would suggest that it's quite regular, because with depression it's normally full on everyday, but this doesn't matter, because now you are struggling and finding it very difficult to cope with.

You don't mention about seeing any doctor or any counsellor/psych, nor whether you are taking any medication, and if this is right then I would suggest that you go and see your GP who can put you on a medicare plan where you are entitled to 10 free visits to see a psych, but just check whether or not you still have to pay a small fee with this, as each psych is different, where you still have to pay a small amount, so you could ask your doctor for someone who bulk-bills.

You may not get on with the first psych, which wouldn't be unusual but keep trying because you have to be able to relate to someone for it to work.

The doctor will also prescribe you with antidepressants (AD), so both of these are what needs to be done, because you can't overcome this illness by yourself, as you have tried for all these years, but it's kept you stuck up in a hole, where you are virtually swimming and not making any headway.

Please get back to us so we can talk some more. Geoff.

[White_Rose]

Dear Mandy

Hello and welcome to Beyond Blue. So many people here can identify with you and your difficulties and will be offering you their insights and experiences. Please stay with us.

Depression is a hard taskmaster. Coping on your own is rarely successful as you are discovering so I am pleased that you have reached out for help. Remember, as Geoff has said, that if you and the first psychologist you meet do not 'click' then find another. Mostly psychs are good at their job but different personalities can get in the way. It's no one's fault, just life.

Again most people have tried to hard their problems, manage on their own and been unsuccessful, so do not be hard on yourself. You mentioned your mother did not know how to help you when you were 18. Is she able to be more supportive now? Please explore the tabs at the top of the page.  There is heaps of information about depression and anxiety both for you and also for family and friends. Just takes a phone call to get it send out to you for free. Your mother and other family members may find it helpful as well as you.

I became majorly depressed 14 years ago and had no idea what had hit me. Definitely suicidal and felt useless and hopeless. I was also ashamed to tell anyone because I was convinced I was worthless. In fact I went through all the most common symptoms of depression and I was devastated. It really is a hard place to be.

And in part this is why we feel so exhausted. The effort required to show a smiling face to the world, to keep ourselves on track in some way and 'make' ourselves better will eventually wear us out. So talking to skilled people can help you to develop strategies for managing your life in a positive manner.

Medication is one way. If your doctor prescribes anti-depressants, try taking them.  Sometimes it is for the short term and sometimes they are required for the rest of your life. This is worthwhile discussing with your doctor. One size does not fit all.

Your other question about finding strength is difficult. We all have different triggers that resonate with us and activate our anxieties. The trick is to recognise them and put into place the mechanisms and strategies we have worked out previously ASAP. It's a bit like people who have asthma. They are not unwell all the time, but at certain times of the year or in certain circumstances they have difficulty with breathing. That's when they need their medication and carry out their plans.

So with people with depression.

Write soon

Mary