Lonely

[Trying]

I feel like an imposter in this group. 

I have had an amazing 50 year career in nursing, owned my own home nursing business and several others. Been the manager at many community and aged care facilities. 

Always a go getter, confident person. 

As I got older I started to get anxiety. 

My marriage failed and I had to cope on my own. Which I did. 

I decided to move to NW QLD from NSW to be closer to my grandkids and great grandkids. They bring so much to my life. 

I've since retired, own my home and a new car. I should have it all, right? 

Then why do I wake up anxious every morning, no energy to face the day, struggle to maintain my house. I have 2 beautiful dogs that love exercise. I force myself to take them for walks. 

I can't sleep at night. Not unusual to be still up at 2am. I drink too much wine, thinking it will help me sleep and then feel like shit the next day. 

I got booked for low range DUI and lost my license for a month. So humiliating. That's when I realized I'd hit rock bottom. 

I'm seeing my GP, I've contacted a counseling service. 

I'm having major eye surgery in Townsville later this month and booked in to see a deep mind therapist to hopefully help with my fears and my addictions.

I'm doing all I can to get back my life. I have so much to live for, but I sometimes wish I wasn't here any more. I can't live the rest of my life living like this.  

[indigo22]

Hi,

Welcome and thank you for reaching out to us.

You are not an imposter, everyone here has mental health struggles. Just because you think your life looks to everyone else like you have no reason to be feeling down, doesn't mean you are not suffering from something you are yet to figure out. That's why we are here and there is no judgement, you deserve to be heard and supported, so please be kind to yourself and put those thoughts out of your mind ok.

There could be many reasons you are feeling different as you age and having been a nurse for so long, I am sure you have considered the hormonal possibilities.

There is also the question of wether or not you are investing your time in things that light you up.

Perhaps there a creative part of you that is as yet unfulfilled.

Perhaps there is a need to reassess your dietary intake to be sure you are fulfilling the nutritional needs of your mind and body at this point in your life.

Perhaps you are feeling burned out from a lifetime of taking care of others whilst neglecting yourself to some degree.

The possibilities are many, your job is to try to find the cause. To do that, try to pinpoint when things started to change and what was happening in your life at that time. It could well be related to the breakdown of you marriage and having to, in your own words, 'cope on your own'. That is a major life event, not something small and insignificant. So is moving interstate and resettling where you don't have any friends to interact with. If I was to take a wild guess, I would say you are probably feeling quite alone or lonely despite the love of your dogs.

What you are describing with the lack of energy and motivation is more related to depression than anxiety so I am glad you are taking the steps needed to get to the bottom of it and to get on top of it. You would be surprised how much better it feels to know the cause, at least then you know what you are trying to heal.

You have given so much of yourself to others, now is the time to give a huge chunk of care to yourself.

Please feel free to continue this conversation, we will be here for you.

indigo

[Summer Rose]

Hi new member and welcome to the forum

So sorry to hear that you are experiencing mental health issues but good to know that you are reaching out for professional help.  Hang in there because it can get better.  

Sounds like you have lived an amazing and full life with much to be proud of.  Well done to you.

Like you, I've lived a busy life with family demands and a successful career and I too found I went through a rough patch when I retired (in my case I had to leave the paid workforce due to physical illness).  I felt lonely and lacked purpose in my life.

I now volunteer with three organisations and serve on various committees doing really interesting work, utilising my business skills and life experiences.  It's great to feel useful again and be involved with issues I am passionate about, and I can responsibly fulfil my positions without impacting my health.

I don't know if sharing a little of my story will help you, but I feel like once you get on top of your mental health that you too could possibly benefit by getting out of the house and making some new purposeful connections.

Does this resonate with you?

Kind thoughts to you

[tryingtoexist]

Honestly, I know so many nursing people that have worked their entire life helping others and have struggled looking after themselves. It’s really special to me personally to see someone realise they need help and actively seek it. So proud of you and praying for you, because you aren’t alone and people around you will notice how much you've grown when you get over this. I’m pretty new to all this but i hope this helped a little.

[Trying]

Thank you. It means a lot to me that people care about me. I'm feeling much better with support of my GP, trying a new medication and keeping active and spending time outdoors xx

[Trying]

Thank you Summer Rose. 

I've always wanted to volunteer, but since moving I've had a knee replacement and trouble with my vision. The whole process took it's toll on me. 

But I'm making progress and knowing there are others out there like me really helps. 

I have been in touch with the library and Life line op shop in town and once I get over my eye surgery I'll definitely be helping out

[Trying]

Thank you for your kind words. 

I guess nurses go into that profession because they have a caring nature. I'm also an Aquarian and we have big hearts. 

I got immense satisfaction in helping others..... Especially palliative care which I found very rewarding supporting people to die with dignity and acceptance.

I'm making progress with all the support and making lifestyle changes. 

I will get through this and be stronger because of it xx