Loneliness

[StephanieV]

I’M French and 33 years old. Icame to Australia (backpacking) and then met my boyfriend. We love each other very much. (been together for 10 years) however he is a very popular person and has a lot of friends. Me on the other side I have no friends at all. Well I have his friends but we don't have a lot in common. they like to socialise by drinking. which is fine but I don't drink and realised that if you don't drink then you don't socialise a lot here in Perth. I prefer to be outdoor. I have recently been separated from my one and only best friend she went back to France after breaking up with her partner. This has been heartbreaking for me. I was crying every day for 2 months. I have never felt so sad in my entire life. I miss her very much. She was my buddy, the one eating dessert and drinking tea with. I know sounds boring but that was our "French Time". I have been seeing a psychologist for 3 months and then stopped as I felt better.
My partner just started the cricket season so he plays every Saturday. I know it's no big deal but for me when comes the weekend instead of looking forward to spend time with the loved ones I get anxious about spending another day alone. I don't have any family here so my partner is everything to me. I think this is a lot of pressure on him. I don't blame him but at the same time I have left everything behind and stayed here. I have been trying all sorts of meeting group but found myself not fitting in any group. It's whether 50+ walking groups, or young mums or youngsters wanting to party. I'm in my thirties with no kids... at that age you are married with kids or single. I'm in the middle.
I have also a lot of Malaysian people around me. they are lovely however always wanting to do something the Asian way. I love it too but being French it's a bit of a culture difference.
I feel stuck and don't know how to meet new people. I have become grumpy and I look depressed all the time. vicious circle. I spent the last weekend locked in the spare room crying because I had another argument with my boyfriend about me not having any friend. there is nothing he can do I know that and he is also getting tired of my ups and downs. I can feel it. I found hard to stay positive. I feel I have no purpose and no one appreciate me . all I want is to be happy and have good quality time doing things I love. I believe that happiness is to be shared. No one to share with …

[Doolhof]

Hi StephanieV,

Welcome to the community here. It sounds like you have tried to connect with various people in different ways, hopefully you will find a group that you can click with and enjoy.

Do you attend the cricket with your boyfriend at all, even if it is just for some of the time? There might be other ladies there who would enjoy flitting off with you to have some café time.

Is there a community of French people in Perth you could connect with?

We moved to a small country town a few years ago. I found it hard to feel like I fitted in and belonged. I volunteered at a few different places and met people that way.

Do you have any hobbies or interests you would like to expand on?

Sometimes age does not have to matter. One of my dearest friends was a lady maybe 30 years older than me. We had so much fun together, I have not laughed with a person as much as I laughed with her. When she passed away I missed her immensely.

Another thing I have learnt is to try to appreciate my own company and to enjoy the differences in others.

I'm really sorry to read how lonely you feel and how sad it makes you. I do understand. Maybe from a different perspective, but loneliness can be very hard to deal with.

I do so hope you are able to find some thing that adds to your sense of contentment.

Cheers from Dools

[smallwolf]

Hi,

Let me also extend a welcome to you at beyond blue.

Creating connections in a new place can be hard. Dools suggested finding other people from France. If you can find a group of expats in the area that might really helpful and there is a group in Perth called French in Perth (part of Internations) you might consider. The web site is ...

https://www.internations.org/perth-expats/french

Worth considering?

Tim

[Lee lee 73]

Hello StephanieV,

I'm sorry you're struggling at the moment, I wish things were better for you. Some of what you said resinates with me. I am 45, and don't have kids (I'm also single ) and I don't drink and so I struggle to make connections. It is hard being in this 'middle age group'. I have recently moved to a different state, on my own and without knowing anyone (not as brave as you- moving to a different country 😉)

Maybe try to revisit the things you are interested in, your hobbies, the things you like doing. What do you enjoy doing or what are the things you used to enjoy StephanieV? What makes YOU happy 😊?

I'm thinking about joining my local 'park run' (but walking it) -trying to pluck up the courage. Google it, could this be something you're interested in? Not sure if they are in Perth though.

I'm not much of a fan of facebook, but search for groups with whatever your interests are. It's a good way to go things you like doing and meeting people with like minded interests - as tiring as this can sometimes be.

I'm here if you ever need a friend to talk to. ..or to share a virtual dessert 😊.

Look forward to chatting soon if you feel up to it.

Lots of self care StephanieV

Lee

[Mystera]

Hi StephanieV,

Welcome to this very supportive community.

I can relate to your experience 100%. I also came to Australia because of my ex-partner (now ex-wife), and went through so-called "culture shock", that lasted almost a year. I also come from the European country and the way of living here is quite different. I was also in my 30s when I arrived and didn't have any friends or family here besides my partner's. It is not easy to fit and, after 15 years of being here, I still somehow feel that I don't completely fit, especially, as you have said, I don't go to pubs to drink, don't follow a sport, but what I found is that Australia is much open country than Europe and there are so many communities out there that you might find yourself comfortable with. As Lee Lee 73 said, what do you want, what makes YOU happy, that is for you to find and connect with. I also understand how hard it must be to have a partner who has a different lifestyle and how to find win:win because without you two doing things together to deepen the bond between you, it won't work.

For example, my ex-partner loved to sit with the pokies (poker machines in RSL clubs) and spend hours and hours waiting for that magical "hit" when she would win some money. At the begining, I would sit with her and patiently waiting (and resenting every second of it because I was never exposed to a gambling in my whole life), until I had enough and started going to the dancing floor to dance (as that is my passion) with other people. She didn't like that as there were many single women there who loved to see man dancing (as there are always only very few of them on the dance floor).

I believe that you deeply love your partner, and your decision to relocate your whole life around 15000 km from your home shows great courage and commitment to that relationship. However, life puts us (by our own choices) to different paths (and some of them very challenging and uncomfortable) always for a reason, I believe. Maybe this is an opportunity for you to learn more about yourself, to stretch yourself, to cement some of your life values and what you will settle for and not, maybe to try some new things this beautiful country is offering. If something is not working for you, and you can't change it, move on, there are so many other things out there, and so many other wonderful people with beautiful hearts.

Love yourself first.

Good luck.

M.