Kettle

[Hahn1]

I am lost and have been for many years. The past few years have felt like a dream, I found someone to call my other half and a son to make it complete.

Lately I've been feeling like a failure and a burden to my family. Financial stresses have me at my whits end, and my partner is at breaking point.

I stare off into space and can't recall how long for. It's not day dreaming, merely small insignificant thoughts coming to the fore front.

I can't for the life of me stick to routine and order: I thrive in choas and on impulse. I hate it. I want to be normal. I'm tired of struggling. I'm over being me.

Pushing everything to the side and not acknowledging my issues has created a demon. I feel like there's no way back to the path I carelessly left.

How do I come back?

I've never reached out before, and I've never pictured myself at 25. Never thought I'd get this far. What do I do...

[Sophie_M]

Dear Hahn1
We’re so grateful to have you reach out to our community this morning and are so sorry to hear everything you have going on at the moment. Times like this can get overwhelming. We hope that you find our forums to be a safe and supportive space to talk through your thoughts and feelings. Our community is here for you. 

Our Support Service is trying to reach out to you via email as we're worried about you. 
We hope you know that there is always help available to you, whether it's from our professional mental health counsellors Beyond Blue (available 24/7/365 on 1300 22 4636) or our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).
Keep checking back in with us whenever you feel up to it. 
 

[sbella02]

Hi Hahn1,

I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through this. I know exactly what you mean, this feeling of staring off into space and just wanting to be back to your normal self again is all too familiar to me. Your metaphor of the demon, and leaving the path that your former self was on, this all rings very true to my own experiences.

I began seeing a counsellor earlier this year, and it's helped me so much in terms of working through my day-to-day problems. Would highly recommend. Honestly, the most difficult part for me was finding the courage to seek help rather than keep my problems to myself and let them accumulate. By opening up to us on the forums and acknowledging how you're feeling, you're already braver than I was.

I wish you all the best, and please feel free to chat some more with us if you'd like to.

Kind regards, SB

[geoff]

Hello Hahn1, thanks for your comment and yes, what you have said reminds me of the days when I was struggling, with all the points you have made, especially staring into oblivion with only small insignificant thoughts that mean nothing, but actually they do, because we're lost and can't find the answers to these clueless thoughts.

If anybody asks us what we're thinking off, the answer is 'I don't know, nothing', and we do act on impulse which can cause chaos because this illness makes us do this and it's not something we would normally do.

Sometimes we feel comfortable thinking about nothing but after a while, we become confused, we want solutions or answers to what has been happening and need to understand why we are forced into this situation, and thinking alone is not the best option to unravel this.

Write down how you are feeling in point form, this way it's much easier for your doctor to understand what you are struggling with, if it's an essay, then the doctor may get lost, but point form, this won't happen.

Reach out for some help.

Geoff.