It seems the days are getting harder and not easier

[Cf]

I broke down again yesterday and wanted to end it all.  I would never do it, but its the only thought that I have atm.  I think about how bad I feel every day and I just want these feelings to go away.   I dont know where to go from here.  I feel like I just exist with no purpose what so ever.   I have lost the will and motivation for life and have completely lost myself in the process and it scares me that I will never feel happy again.  I just feel empty inside.  I go to work as a distraction and try to fill up my weekend with things to do, but I dont get any enjoyment out of it.   I feel like I have hit rock bottom and I am trying to get out of it, but I dont know where to go from here.  I feel so alone, even though I have good friends, I just don't feel they understand.  I feel guilty because my family know that I am not being myself but I dont know how to find myself again.

I am on anti-depressants and am seeing a psychologist, but I feel like its not enough atm....I am so lost 😞 

[seaeagle7]

Hi Cf,

Gee sounds like your having a hard time at the moment. I have battled depression for many years so I can relate to what your saying. You just want the bad feelings to go away and to feel okay.

I'm not sure how long you have been on the antidepressants but they do take a fair while to work. Believe me I have tried them all.

It takes discipline to stick at the medicine, I have stopped a few times only for the depression to reappear months later. My strategy now is that I treat my depression like a person who has diabetes treats insulin, I have to take the meds everyday otherwise i will feel unwell.

Going to a psychologist is also a good idea to correct any faulty thinking habits you may have. Unfortunately my depression is biologically based so although I'm sure I would get some benefit from CBT I will probably always need to take some medication to stay well.

Whatever you do never give up, there is someone who will be able to help you, you just have to find them.

Hope this feedback helps.

[vip]

Hi Cf I totally understand here but like seaeagle said it just takes time unfortunately. Ive battled with depression for 22 yrs attempted suicide 3 yrs ago and on and off medication and now im off them and like you i try and keep really busy and just work reall hard at everything. You will get there you are doing all the right things here for recovery so well done for that. Could you get your doctoe to refer you to be an outpatient in a mental clinic. I did this for 6 weeks and found it helped also. We learnt how to meditate think posative thoughts ect ect. Thats all i can think of for now but please hang in there i know your pain ive walked in your shoes believe me there is light at the enf of this dark tunnel. Take care