It's hard to tell, am I depressed?

[venusfever]

Hardly remember when these all started, I wasn't myself anymore as told by my husband. I am miserable, bad temper, rude and lazy, that he keeps complaining me and we argued a lot in the past couple of years. According to him, I was a cheerful, positive and always taking care of the family well, most importantly never bad-mouth about anything and were soft and gentle. I just can't help myself, whenever he complained, I break down in tears and just couldn't stop blaming myself for everything. I feel tire everyday, couldn't really enjoy anything in life and getting to hate myself so much that I can't even get my job done properly. Although my little 3 years old someone become the only source to cheer me up sometimes, I still couldn't speak it up to my husband nor my close friend about my emotional problem. Don't think my husband will care and listen after all. This morning I nearly run into a crash on my way to work, very close missed, don't know how that could happened but I still don't feel like talking to anyone about it. In fact, I have told my husband to leave me a lone and stop talking to me for over 2 weeks now. 

After the incident this morning, I realized I should have go to see my GP about my emotional issues, but I'm really not sure if I couldn't tell her anything..I found it very hard to tell, and whenever I tried to tell my close friend or husband, I found myself hard to breath and rather stay away alone.

Really not sure if I am depressed, or just need to find a way to express my feeling. But I really don't know how, and really dislike what I am now.

Can anyone suggest how I could get this over and back to my old-self?

[venusfever]

GP analysed my responses to those questionnaires yesterday, and said that I am suffering moderate depression thus she is referring me to psychologist for consultations. She suggested me to tell my husband or close friends, but I really don't know how to tell as I always used to keep feelings within myself. The 1st consultation is scheduled for 2nd week of Jan next year. 

[Stephen123]

Hi Venus, I,d just like to say well done for what you have done, a huge monumental first step. Now for the discovery of being able to communicate to the point were you will be able to tell your family and friends. Take things nice and easy though. You,ve just achieved a hell of a lot now it,s going to take a bit of work and determination to tame the black dog. You can do it.

[Mbuna]

Venus,

Its good to see that you have taken the step to get some help. I see Geoff has given you some very helpful advice. I think telling your husband is a good idea. It sounds like he has not responded well to you in the past. All he seems to see is the fact that you are now angry and not doing stuff around the house. He does not understand what you are going through. Maybe speak to your psychologist about a joint session so he can understand what you are going through. If you don't feel ready to tell your friends yet, then don't tell them. I hope your first consultation goes well.

Regards

Mbuna