Hi Dooka
I totally relate and empathise with what you're going through. Depression can be so debilitating and that feeling of despair and bleakness is unbearable. Most people on this forum know about the 'dark hole' depression can leave you in.
I'm in my 60's and have also retired. I thought when I retired my mental health would get better but I found that I became progressively more depressed, obsessive, paranoid and isolated. I went on medication for a while and it really helped normalise my mood. Although I'm now off my medication I can truthfully say that my depression is not too bad and I can handle it by distracting myself with gardening, reading and listening to audio CDs from the library.
It's important to make an appointment with your GP and they will probably suggest SSRI antidepressants and therapy (assuming you can afford therapy). Your GP can organise a mental health care plan (MHCP) so you can see a therapist and receive a Medicare rebate.
If therapy doesnt appeal, try medication as it can take a few weeks, even months, to kick in but it will help. It's a horrible way to live when you have depression so do give it a go. I hope you have some support, if not, there is this forum or you can ring Lifeline on 13 11 14 and have a chat. I do it all the time so don't feel embarressed or that you feel you aren't worth it. Anyway, good on you for reaching out here.
Take care
Merricat 😺
