Isolated easter weekend, anxiety & idle living

[benji777]

Hi have spent easter on my own 4 days didnt really talk to anyone barely went outside - isolation as usual

 Am 36 next week, am living in a hotel room, upstairs and the hotel is actually the place i work (boss giving me a place to stay).

Im only getting 10 hours a week too, and this week it looks like im going to be put on "work 4 the dole" grrrrrrrrr

Dad lives in central australia is uncontactable, mum has passed and i have no brothers or sisters

 girlfriends come & go but am tired of explaining my homelessness & lack of employment to them, 2015 brought 3 heavy break ups, the first girl was from a 4 year relationship, the other 2 were 6 month relationships

 am really in a dark place now, losing purpose in life, have no idea of a career direction

 am a talented footballer, but am being kept off the field by knee tendinitis & sciatica, else id be playing div 1 amatuers

anyways this is me, this small hotel room is making me feel more and more caged in everyday, but i am unable to share houses with people their annoying habits enhance my anxieties and i bail from these homes. getting my own place is impossible without employment 

my thoughts are sometimes quite dire, i wouldnt wish my isolation on anyone, dont know how to get out of these empty depths

[Mares73]

Hi Benj

Fitstly thankyou for sharing your situation & welcome to the Beyond Blue "family". I say that because this is a safe space where you can talk openly & will never be judged. You will receive support, ideas & genuine friendship. 

I can almost feel your frustration with your situation. Not having a regular income, a place that feels like home, being isolated & so on would be very hard. Plus the 3 relationships that ended & now you feel alone with no family support. All triggers for depression & anxiety. 

I can really relate to feeling isolated & lost. It must be tough also with your injury that prevents you from footy. 

Have you got a GP? Or could you get to one? I say this because whilst it can be confronting taking the first step-once you do you will be able to get support by way of medication and counselling. Yes it's easy to dismiss but I promise it's worth it. Trying medication isn't a weakness. I compare it to asthmatics or diabetics who have to take medication daily for their condition. It's not a weakness as it takes courage to reach out for support. You could also think about seeing a Pyschologist which your dr can refer you too. Under Medicare you'd get 10 sessions. A dr may also be able to write a letter to Centrelink to get them off your back. They can give a certificate saying your unwell for a certain timeframe.

Do you think you'll stay in the hotel for a while? I guess it's good it's cheap but not so good that your isolated & only have a small room. What's the longer term outlook with your injury? Can you play again in the near future or is it a long term injury? (Sorry being a girl I don't know about sports injuries lol).

Im really sorry it sounds like you don't have support. Do you have anyone you can share how your feeling with? Someone to go out with? It's tough doing it alone. Are you comfortable that the relationships ended or are you still recovering from breaking up?

Sorry Benj for all the questions. I'm just trying to get more of a picture of your situation so I can offer my best support.

Please know that you are never alone here. You've come to the right place & I & others will walk with you as much as you'd like. 

It would be great to hear back from you. I'm thinking of you & sending a big hug on this rainy Sydney afternoon.

Take care my friend & stick around.

Mares X