Is this dysthymia or am I just being dramatic...?

[emberz]

Hi.

I recently came across the term dysthymia and I feel like everything has just clicked for me. I've always felt like my depressive feelings aren't 'bad' enough to be actual depression, but I never knew there were other types such as dysthymia. I'm 19 years old and have been feeling this way since I was about 15 or 16.

I'm always tired, no matter how much sleep I get, like this tiredness is an insatiable fatigue that I can never 'fix.' I have no motivation for anything or to do anything. I have no energy and I always feel so lazy. I've lost all passion for everything. I force myself to wake up everyday and go to uni or to work, and I feel like a ghost inhabiting my own body. I can't even remember the last time I felt truly happy. I feel like I'm an outcast in every social situation and I can't be bothered interacting with people. I feel like I'm always mildly suicidal, like it's a thought that comes and goes depending on if I've had an especially bad day or not. It feels like there's a low hanging dark cloud above my head that's always there and never really goes away, even if some days it shrinks a bit or some days it gets heavier.

I've been feeling this way for so long now that I didn't even realise it wasn't normal. Recently I've been feeling my mental health get even worse since going back to university, as I also believe I could have social anxiety and so the stress of meeting so many new people combined with the intensive workload has left me feeling really overwhelmed, almost like i'm drowning. So I tried looking for answers, and after googling 'high functioning depression' and discovering dysthymia, I saw myself fitting almost every criteria.

I know I'm lucky in many aspects, because I have an education, a loving family, a stable job, etc etc, but if anything this just makes it all the more frustrating because I feel so guilty for feeling this way. What could I possibly have to be depressed about?

Which is also why i'm so hesitant to talk to anyone about this. I've never told anyone about how much I'm always struggling, and I also don't want to go to my GP and say I think I might have dysthymia because what if I don't have it at all and I'm just being overdramatic?

I don't know, I guess i just needed to vent somewhere so I decided to try here. Any advice from people who are actually suffering from dysthymia would be much appreciated.

[Sophie_M]

Dear emberz,
 
Firstly, welcome to the forums we are so glad that you found your way to this supportive and welcoming community. We hope that you find ideas, options and support from the shared experiences and knowledge of all our members. This is a safe space to share and express your own feelings, struggles and experiences without judgement.
 
We can hear from your post that you have been struggling with feelings of depression for a while and hope you acknowledge the effort and fortitude you have displayed despite feeling as though you are ‘drowning’. Also please know you have no reason to feel guilty as symptoms do not pick and choose specific people, your circumstances are uniquely your own and are just as valid as any other individual experiencing mental health difficulties.
 
We see that you mentioned not wanting to talk to your G.P due to fear of judgement, but we wish to reassure you that your G.P is a professional and is a great place to start your journey of recovery. Although through discussion they may or may not agree with your initial diagnosis, they will work with you, discuss your experiences and problems to decide on the best plan of action. G.P’s are also vital to get referred to further mental health professionals and services, do you have a G.P out of area you may be comfortable approaching?
 
If you still don’t wish to approach your GP but are unsure of what step to take next, we recommend contacting the Beyond Blue counselling team. By engaging via phone or chat the counsellors can provide advice and support, please contact either via phone 1300 22 4636 or web chat: http://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/get-immediate-support
 
Also, if you have not engaged with them before we would also recommend Kids helpline on 1800 55 1800 or at https://kidshelpline.com.au/ . This service is available to anyone 25 years old and under.
 
We would also like to take the time to say that if any of those suicidal thoughts that come and go, become too intense or overwhelming we encourage you to reach out to Lifeline via phone on 13 11 14 or via web chat via https://www.lifeline.org.au/crisis-chat/ .
 
If you feel your life is in immediate danger or you feel it is an emergency, we urge you to contact emergency services on 000.
 
Please also note, it’s worth remembering that immediate support is not available via the forums. Some days are slower than others, and some topics hit home with people more than others. The number of replies received will always vary from day to day.
 
We hope that you find the support and direction that you are seeking on the forums. Once again, we are so glad you have joined the forums and we hope that you feel welcomed into the community, we’re all friend here.
 
Warm regards
Sophie M

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

I have dysthymia along with bipolar2, clinical depression and had anxiety.

We cannot diagnose here, you'll need a referral from your GP and I'd put faith in him/her to put you on the right path.

I don't have some of the things you listed but what I did have prior to meds was a constant sadness and loneliness regardless of being in any relationship. Crying was often.

If you have Dysthymia it is very treatable. I think there is every reason to be optimistic.

Please put any apprehension of a GP aside. You won't regret being proactive

TonyWK

[Learn to Fly]

Hi emberz,

Thanks a lot for opening up to us and sharing. Great step forward.
I’d like to join Sophie and Tony and encourage you to see your GP. TheGP could clarify some of the things for you and set you up in the right direction. There is nothing better than asking for help especially that this help is readily available. You have already taken the first step leading towards getting help by posting here. However, we can only advise whereas you would most likely benefit from a professional diagnosis and treatment (if necessary).

Take care and let us know how you go.

[emberz]

Thank you all for replying, I appreciate it.

I have just booked an appointment with my GP next week. I know I'm going to be really anxious in the lead up to it, but after reading your replies, I think it's the right thing to do.

I'm still unsure of whether to talk to my parents about how I'm feeling, because I'm a pretty private person and i find it really hard to open up to other people, including my closest friends or family. I might wait until after the appointment so that I have a better understanding of what's going on with myself before talking to them about it.

Anyway just thought I'd let you know that I've made the next step in getting help, and I'm proud of myself for doing so. Thanks for the encouragement, I really needed that push.

[Learn to Fly]

Hi emberz,

Well done. Seriously. I am proud of you too. I have no doubt the decision has cost you a lot so this is pretty big and you can only thank yourself for that.

I am glad you mentioned your family. I think you will know when you are ready tot all to them. Not sure how your relations are but it would be great if you could have their support, especially considering you have had suicidal thoughts. It would be good to have them involved so they could support you through worse days and help you. In saying that, it’s really entirely up to you and personally I like your thinking about seeing a GP first and then talking to your family.

Great decision making there.

Keep is posted, if you feel up to it.