Is it depression?

[LKXTE]

Hey everyone,

I'm not even sure that what i'm experiencing is actually depression. The thought that i might have depression pops up every now and then and has been for years. My wife has also flagged it a few times with me. The problem is that i don't neccesarily feel "depressed". I'm still able to get up and go about my day. I go to work, i exercise regularly, look after my kids contribute at home.
The specific areas where i struggle are a general lack of interest in most things. I've always had very few interests apart from reading or watching content for example.
The other area i really struggle in, and is of biggest concern for me, is when it comes to my 3 boys. The best way i can put it is that i love them all very much, but i can't stand being a parent (the day to day responsibilites). It also amazes me how quickly i can feel angry towards them or over react for trivial things their doing. The mess they make is a real struggle for me even though i know it's just a part of the process of kids playing.This has only been made harder by the current situation with Corona virus and the need to keep them at home, but it's certainly brought my struggles into focus. I feel mostly irritable towards them on most days and the main feeling i have regarding my boys is that i would rather not be around them. I know that sounds terrible but it's just what i have noticed how i feel.
I have also observed within myself a pretty negative headspace.

The question i have is whether or not this is depression?

Any help would be appreciated.

Thanks

[Sophie_M]

Hi LKXTE,

Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums, we're so glad you decided to reach out tonight. We're sorry to hear that you're struggling at the moment. We can understand that having the kids at home all the time might be overwhelming and bring these struggles into focus. Please know that our community is here to support you through this time.

As things are being aggravated by the circumstances around the Coronavirus, if you feel it might be useful, we'd encourage you to visit our Coronavirus Mental Wellbeing Support Service. The website will be regularly updated with information, advice and strategies to help you manage your wellbeing and mental health during this time. 

Many of our community members will relate to what you're experiencing. While the community can't offer medical advice such as a diagnosis, they can offer support and more general advice We would recommend that you contact the Support Service for a referral as it's always worth getting medical advice. Please feel free to keep us updated on what's happening for you here in your thread.

[blondguy]

Hi LKXTE

Welcome too!

Nothing you have said is terrible at all. This is a seriously crappy time we are going through. Having 3 boys at home during this unprecedented time would be a very difficult task. You are stronger than I would be in the same situation and kudos to you LKXTE. I joined the forums in 2016 after I was made redundant and just doing what I can now as a volunteer to provide support on anxiety/depression

Sophie_M mentioned the Coronavirus Mental Wellbeing Support Service which is a huge help as well as saying that having kids at home can sometimes be overwhelming. I find my GP a huge help when I need a 'tune up'

Making a double appointment is even better as most people find this more helpful. Are you able to have a little 'time out' for yourself in this difficult time?...just asking if thats okay 🙂

we are here and listening....any questions are welcome..The forums are a safe and non judgemental place for you to post whenever you wish to

my kind thoughts...Paul

[therising]

Hi LKXTE

When you think about it, our kids start off as strangers who pop into the world one day and then we gradually get to know them.The process is pretty much we raise them and they raise us (our consciousness). We challenge them and they challenge us. They'll challenge our energy levels, our sensitivity to sound/noise, some of the belief systems that have been drummed into us as kids and the list goes on. These challenges aren't too great if we're not facing them day in and day out but when, all of a sudden, we find our self in their presence full time, such challenges can leave us questioning our self.

Having lived both inside and outside of depression, the question 'What's wrong with me?' plays out in 2 very different ways. 'What's wrong with me?!' is more like a statement in depression, whereas 'What's wrong with me?' outside of depression or as a way of searching for greater consciousness becomes a valid question. To rephrase it 'Why can't I rise to this challenge? What's wrong with me that's stopping me from doing this?' A few possibilities may be, in this case

• Lower energy levels than the kids (combined)
• Lower levels of oxytocin (the love/bonding hormone)
• A more sensitive nervous system than most. This is a quirky one. Once triggered into action, you can actually feel your nervous system getting worked up. You can sense your heart start beating faster, you can feel a tenseness in your throat area, pressure in your head/sinuses. Finding ways to constructively vent can help calm it all down. Let your nervous system work up to max point and the venting can be an overwhelming experience. I'm a bit of a weird one; I'll actually talk to my nervous system (in my mind) when I can feel myself getting worked up over something - 'I know what you're doing. Just settle down! I've got this'
• For years my kids have challenged me to question a lot of the belief systems I was raised with. I realise many of them are highly questionable. A lot of our belief systems are handed down and automatically adhered to, without question. Eg: Don't talk back to a teacher. My belief - if an abusive arrogant teacher is degrading you, you have every right to respectfully try and put a stop to it. By the way, some beliefs are negotiated: As long as the common areas of the house are tidied up, I can be flexible with the bedrooms.

Personally, I've found over the years that anything that appears as a stressor is actually a challenge. Some are incredibly hard to master.

🙂

[Grunt]

Hey LKXTE,

Man, reading your post I felt like I was reading a novel, written by me! The amazing BB team have shared some invaluable information but I hope you don't mind if I share my story with you?

Going on seven years ago now I had a "breakdown" which was triggered by "reactive" depression - basically my ex and I (who share a son) broke up and it all became too much. Things have never really been the same since.

Now, I'm not trying to compare our stories but maybe highlight some similarities. Since that breakdown I've spent the last seven years working with a great GP, a psychologist and most recently (the last 18 months) a psychiatrist. The "reactive depression" was misdiagnosed and myself with the help of an amazing team have been trying to get to the cause ever since (we'll save all that for another day though).

What really stuck out for me was your general lack of interest in most things and your kids. I'm with you, I have very little interest in anything at the best of times - when things aren't quite what they should be, I'm basically a shell sitting in a room. That's always a trigger for me, when I know that I need some assistance from my "team" shall we call them (GP, Psychologist, Psychiatrist). What's an even bigger trigger for me though is when my son starts to get on my nerves. My son is with me approximately 50% of the time so I should have 100% more patience for him.

Me at my best is getting out of the house, catching up with friends and family, hitting the pub, going to the movies doing everything everyone else does. I LOVE going and watching my son play soccer. Me at my worst is ignoring calls, closing the blinds, flinching at the sight of my son's soccer ball because it means I might have to go kick it around with him.

When I go through these lulls it more times than not requires an adjustment to my treatment. Now, I'm not saying that you have depression but if you're feeling that something is not quite right - trust your instincts. You may not need a "team", your GP may be able to assist in helping you enjoy life again. Go and have a chat with them though.

Regardless, I'm more than happy to chat further if you would like.