Hey everyone,
I'm 24, currently working & at uni (from home), living with my parents and younger brothers in Melbourne. I'm finishing my masters in environmental sustainability this semester which is an area I'm really passionate in, and work for a good non-profit (though I'm very bored of the work I'm doing, especially while working from home.)
I've been struggling with anxiety and intrusive depressive thoughts for the last few years. I notice a spike when the weather starts to turn (as it has in Melbourne the last week), when it gets cooler, less sunlight, more clouds etc. Don't want to label it as seasonal depression since I've never been diagnosed but yeah my symptoms match a lot of those symptoms -- just really flat mood, lack of energy, negative outlook, moody.
Little things really set off little depressive episodes and really intrusive thoughts. Like today my mum gave me a business sweater as an easter gift which is nice of her I guess but I've told her before that I don't need sweaters because I don't wear them for work or for anything so it's a waste, and I'd told my parents that when they wanted to buy me one when we were overseas in Canada over new year's (they still bought me one and it's been sitting in my closet ever since). But anyway my mum gave me the sweater and I told her again that I don't need one and it'll just go to waste, so it's better if they return it or give it to my brothers or something instead of it gathering dust in my closet. And just saying that has set off a little depressive episode, me feeling guilty about saying that, wishing I was more grateful, hating myself for maybe disappointing them etc. It's happened a lot lately w little things.
I'm not sure how to cope with it the next few months. I saw a therapist a few times last spring for anxiety and she was kind of helpful but then I haven't been back to see her since about November and although there's tele-therapy or whatever, I don't feel comfortable having these discussions out loud in my family home with a therapist, and with lockdown there's nowhere else I can really go. Sport and gym really made me happy the last two years but now that's gone as well, I still do workouts at home which is good but still miss playing sport and the social aspect. I'm an introvert so don't mind time on my own though, solo walks have been good.
Not sure what else to say or what I'm looking for -- solidarity, advice, questions, dunno. Just feeling flat and thought I should make a post.
