Incredibly lonely masked by my video games

[Zakhary]

I’ve been in foster care my whole life and finally moved up to my grandparents when I turned 19 and finished high school, however the move to Bendigo has really stumped me.

ive tried to make new friends by joining a volleyball team but just can’t, even trying to find a partner is hard enough... I’m 19 going on to 20 and this feeling of being alone is slowly starting to get under my skin and I don’t know what to do.

[White_Rose]

Dear Zakhary

Hello and welcome to the forum.

I am sorry to learn you have been in foster care for so long. How has it been for you? Did you find it easier to make friends before moving to your grandparents home? Is it correct to say your only family members you have contact with are your grandparents? Sorry about the questions. I am wondering if you have had not had much practice in making friendships and feel the lack of family support. Of course it may not have anything to do with your present situation.

I see you are writing in the depression section. Have you been told you are depressed or is this how you feel because of not making friends? It is a bit difficult to make friends at the end of school as everyone is starting to move on to different activities and events. Maybe this is the difficulty for you.

Do you enjoy volleyball? I am wondering if there are other activities you may enjoy and meet others in this way. Not sure what you mean by trying to meet a partner. Do you mean finding a girlfriend/boyfriend? It's probably the same process as making friends in general. Closer friendships tend to take a little longer to form.

To go back a step, how did you make friends before this move? Can you recognise any difference with what you do now?

I can relate to feeling alone when there is no one around to talk about your interests or any topic of mutual interest. It can sometimes make you feel like an invisible person which is not good. Now that you have left school what are you doing? A job, uni or college? Often we make friends at work or uni because of a shared interest. How do you get on with your grandparents? My grandson lived with me for three years and I think we grew further apart. It was a shame as I had hoped we would get on well but not to be. He had an apprenticeship nearby which is why he lived with me, but left at the end of the apprenticeship and returned home.

I am not sure I can suggest ways to meet people other than to join different clubs or organisations. If you are not working etc perhaps try some volunteering with something you enjoy doing. I have never been to Bendigo but I understand it's a nice place. There may be volunteer opportunities you would enjoy. What about animal shelters or similar? Go to your library and see what other activities are available. I think you may be surprised to find a many activities you can enjoy and meet others at the same time.

Mary

[Nahmate830]

Hi Zakhary,

there is a pub called the bridge hotel in bendigo and on Tuesdays they have Tbone Tuesday where you can, at least last time i was in town, get a t bone and a pot for $20. Perhaps it would be nice to head there with your grandparents for a nice meal and you could even talk to them over dinner about how you have been feeling.

Do you have a job or are you studying at the moment? I'm asking because these are things you might do to expand your social situation and perhaps make more friends. Joining the volleyball team sounds like a great idea, giving you opportunities to meet people and be active in what is hopefully a fun environment.

If you are interested in fitness there is a boxing gym on the main road toward kangaroo flat and thats another place you could go to meet new people while being active, my experience has been that those kinds of places, boxing gyms and martial arts gyms tend to be places where due to the activities you are doing can really be great socially while also learning new skills and getting fit.

If you are struggling with your mental health i would suggest that you talk to a gp and get a mental health plan and they should be able to link you up with mental health services in your area. Also this site has some great advice on getting help and talking to others about how you are feeling.

I wish you the best of luck

take care and be kind to yourself

Nahmate

ps if you havent checked it out already the Joss house is awesome and a great way to learn of the history of the town