In Need of Help

[Dom72]

Hi allI’m new here to the Beyond Blue site...I’ve been struggling with what I think is depression for many years now though have never been diagnosed. I guess I’m worried about how my life will change if I am diagnosed with clinical depression.I am 42 now & my first feelings of depression were when I was 11, in the middle of the night in my parents kitchen. I thought about ending my life & just cried.This year has been probably my worst, I have been struggling at work & have had my darkest days & nights yet. I have a very supportive wife & 2 beautiful boys yet this doesn’t stop me from feeling as down as I do every day. The only person keeping me alive is my son, who I couldn’t bear to hurt by leaving him. I question my worth every single day....Especially since I have made a few mistakes at work which threaten my job..& it?s a career that I love. I question my contribution to my family, whether I’m a good dad & husband...I know that I am not the best at that either.I’m scared of what I might do to myself if things don?t ease..I’m scared that if I change jobs & I don’t feel any different will I have any worth any more? I am completely lost..Has anyone on here tried to deal with these feelings on their own?? What do I ask for if I go to one?

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[Neil_1]

Hi Dom

Good on you for making such a positive step and to come to Beyond Blue and to share your post.  Also, welcome to Beyond Blue.

You’ve made a very good effort in coming here and I think your next best step forward is for you to seek out appropriate professional help.  Not sure if you have your own GP, but on this site, Beyond Blue have a list of GP’s that can be searched.  The thing with these guys is that they are all qualified in dealing with mental health issues and as a result would be best able to provide you with suitable referral to appropriate counselling if need be or possibly anti-depressants.

With regard to your job and you mentioned about possibly moving, I would be staying where you are for the time being.  I say that, as you did also mention that you are in a career that you love.  Which is absolutely brilliant.  I don’t know how many people could honestly say that.  So stick with it – it is also a very good mechanism to assist you through your day – as it creates an outlet or distraction for you from your issues;  albeit not for a long time, but a short time of distraction is better than none.

Having a supportive wife is a big plus for you as well – which can assist with your home time.  Have you been able to sit down with your wife and to honestly discuss your feelings?  And how you think you are as a husband and dad?? 

You never know, your opinions might be totally different to what your wife thinks – but either way, it’d be good to have that chat.  Cause if there’s room for improvement, then perhaps things can be spoken about where you might be able to assist a little – in whatever way … perhaps.  It at the very least gives you the opportunity to talk and discuss.

I do hope I’ve given you something useful in my response and I would really like to hear back from you as soon as you feel ok to post again.

Neil