idek if im doing this right but hi

[Guest_57468504]

hey this is my first post thingy and i wanted to test it out. 

I just want to clarify that I am not diagnosed with any MH conditions and only have concerns for my own MH.

I hate to be that person who self diagnoses but im curious to see if I have any MH conditions. I worry that I may have (high functioning) depression and possibly ADHD. Again, I hate saying that though because I hate to self diagnose.

Many of my friends tell me that they suspect I may have it. and now that I look at my family members (including uncles and younger cousins) I see that that might actually be a possibility. BUT, I come from a middle eastern household that doesnt really talk abt MH or Mental Illness and dont really see psychologists (which is funny bcs I wanna be one when I'm older). So no one I know has been diagnosed and I'd feel weird to go up to my parents and ask to seek help. 

And the depression started in the beginning of Febuary last year but I had experienced periodic episodes previously which would last for a couple months at a time (but I wasnt aware of what was happening at the time). So, every since the beginning of last year, I have been feeling strong feelings of emptiness and numbness bacically. Don't get me wrong, I have a large group of friends who I love so much and I am always energetic around them only because none of them know how i truely feel (except one but we dont talk that much anymore. its a long story). 

Sometimes I feel that I have to cry due to so much anger, self hate, and self doubt but can't get the tears out. Or have full converstations regarding my MH struggles (like this one) but when it comes to talking to an actual person I either freak out or avoid it completely.

I have been recently getting alot of flashbacks of a SA incident but because I was so young, the same 2 seconds replays in my head. Also, the fact that I am doing a drama piece on PSTD and MH does not help (the flashbacks started getting more frequent once I began working on the piece).

Anyway, I hope you have the best day!

And remember, Jesus Christ loves you 💛

[Sophie_M]

Hello and welcome to the forums! 

You have done a great job creating a first post thingy and we are so glad you decided to stop by. 🤩 

Sometimes the road to professional diagnosis starts with an inkling - and maybe this is simply a feeling that you can follow with compassion and curiosity? It would be hard to know what the best route to take is when your family feel and think a little differently about mental health. What matters here is what you want!  And it sounds like you have a real passion for mental health. I think being a psychologist would be amazing. A good start to being a wonderful support for others is deepening your understanding of yourself. You could do this by seeking professional support or even starting a daily self-reflection journaling practice - this might help you to better understand these heavier feelings you are experiencing too. 

It sounds like talking about these feelings can be really scary, and that's okay. When we have experienced trauma that hasn't been held in a safe space afterwards, all sorts of confusing or big feelings can come up. It seems like this drama piece is definitely triggering you more too, so having someone to talk to is so, so important right now.

Is there a school counsellor you can speak with? Or would you be open to speaking with a helpline like Blue Knot? (They specialise in complex trauma) - Blue Knot Foundation

You may even find that self-soothing strategies help you to feel more safe in the moment. You can find some here: Self Soothing: DBT Skills, Worksheets, Videos, Exercises

I can hear there is so much going on for you, and you are one brave and courageous individual. I want to remind you that it's okay to feel all emotions. You don't always have to be brave and happy for everyone else - you're allowed to feel hurt and express that. 💙

Please let me know what you're thinking of doing next, we would love to be on that journey with you. 

Sending big hugs. 

Warm regards, 
Sophie M.