I want and need to move

[_findingthelostme_]

I want and need a big change. A new place to live and a new job and a new friends and new relationships. But....its all happening at the same time. I just HATE my life. It makes me sick and so depressed and anxious. There is only so much exercise, books, study, netflix and throwing myself into meaningless tasks I can do. The anxiety is always there. I'm wasting my life and feel abused and ignored. Seems everything is toxic in my life and there is problems with everything.

Mindfulness helps calm me but there is only so much time out sitting still and conscious i can do.

I found the same issue with medication, it just made me numb.

How can i make the big move? I have 3 school aged kids and 3 casual jobs without them i have nothing. Back to square 1 with no money and no home and no way to support us.

Feeling completely hopeless and life slipping by. 10 years now. What a waste.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Ifindingthelostme!, 

Thank you so much for writing this post today and for being a part of this caring, understanding and kind community. We are really sorry to hear that you are struggling right now, it sounds like you have a huge amount on your plate right now with you kids and 3 jobs to manage. It can be really hard to share how we are feeling so thank you for being brave, you never know who will read your post and feel less alone in what they are going through. 

We think that it might be helpful to give us a call and chat about these pressures in your life and see what might be helpful for you. It's great that mindfullness can be useful, but we can hear that its not always the best. We are here for you on 1300 22 4636 anytime you need us.

You can also call our friends at 'Parentline' which is a service offered by KidsHelpline. They are experts in supporting parents when they are feeling stressed, anxious depressed or just need to talk to someone who understands. Follow that link above and you can find out some more about it as well as find the number to call depending on which state you are in. 

Thank you again for sharing here today. It can be tough to be honest about how we are feeling, but this community is here to support you. What you are going through is unique to you, but there are some common threads that other members might be able to relate to as well. 

Kind regards, 

Sophie M

[Daniel_LK91]

Try get in the habit of exercising on a daily basis like go for a long walk at least an hour per day and make sure to drink plenty of water. Try connect with your family if they are around for some support and advice. Also seek out a professional to help you with things such as a counsellor or a psychologist.

Don't worry that you don't have it all figured out. Things will always work out.

[geoff]

Hello !findingthelostme, there is so much you're trying to cope with, obviously looking after the kids is a great concern, as is finding work to support all of you to provide the essentials in life, but it's never easy to have the ideal solution and looking back in hindsight can sometimes only bring memories we wished had happened but can at times make you feel you are no better off.

Medication can make you feel numb if you have no direction in life because you're unsure of what your options are, but when this changes then the benefits of medication finally kick in and you're rewarded, but now you have to decide many different alternatives and not sure which is the best to start on.

Children are resilient and will adapt to their new situation, it may take them a little while to sort themselves up, but as soon as they meet new friends, it's much easier.

Working three jobs must be exhausting for you and is there any possibility of one of them requiring you to work longer hours, but I am concerned about when you mention 'abused' and if you would like to get back to us, that would be great.

Geoff.

[_findingthelostme_]

Hi Geoff.

Thank you for your reply.

Abuse comes in many forms. I am lucky, mine is non violent. It isn't even emotional abuse really. What it is is being taken for granted and taken advantage of. Yes I will do it. Yes, nobody else will so If we need it done I will do it. Abuse is the constant expectations of me without acknowledgement of my exhaustion, my tricky balance or needs or wants. For example when I need down time after my exams I end up with sick kids, who then get me sick but...I still have to go to work, I still have to pay the bills and order the goods and organise the dinners, washing, cleaning, gardening and training to keep my job (I'm not getting paid for completing my modules at home).

Abuse is putting others in front all the time and forgetting me. Most people who know me know I study at uni but....even my own mum, husband, kids, work mates have not once asked me how I went this year. I always float under the radar. I am not fulltime in anything so I don't get remembered or included much.

I think people think that because I am not full time I only give part effort. This is not true. I try to give 100% to everything I do.

Working my jobs and study and family sounds like a lot and it is but I have chosen what is a means to some future end and to survive and have some kind of security for my kids.

It would be nice to feel I have the option to say 'no! I don't want to'. Or someone else to say, "I will take care of that".

Sounds wingey. I'm overwhelmed with getting by. I just have to keep pushing through.

I am trying to work out how to turn the light on at the end of the tunnel.

[_findingthelostme_]

Good advice Daniel,

I know I should hit the trail, I love a good bush walk but my feet hurt a lot now and it is too hot when I have the time. I am super unmotivated. There are no nice forests around here and now after walking the same tracks for so long I find myself getting more worked up than relaxed. I really miss the beach and I don't need shoes there. This issue is the main reason I want to move again.

[Leisa68]

Hello,

I am currently feeling what you are feeling. I have nowhere to run. An autistic son and partner. I chose all of this, but right now, I don't feel I know myself, just what I am to others. Not knowing myself causes anxiety, distress, and confusion. I have been to my psychologist today and she has asked me to bring in my partner for the next visit. I told her the answer is no, and when I asked him, of course, the answer was no. The reason she asked me to bring him in as I was recently diagnosed with bipolar.

Now, that diagnosis will not apply to you, but it helped me understand who I am and why I do or put up with things. I moved 35 times at 50 years of age. I am unable to take any real stress and want to run. It's not my fault and I highly expect the way you are feeling is not yours either.

I wish I could offer more, but you have my online support.

Leisa

[geoff]

Hello !findingthelostme, sometimes we think that emotional abuse isn't physical abuse because it doesn't leave marks on you, but it can be just as destructive as physical abuse, leading to anxiety, depression, and addiction because this can make the person feel superior.

Verbal aggression, intimidation, manipulation, and humiliation will diminish your sense of identity, confidence and your self worth and maybe worse because this can happen all the time, rather than physical abuse which may only happen once in a while and certainty we hope doesn't happen, so either can be just as bad as each other.

To overcome this you need to develop in your own mind that you are determined to carry out exactly what you have decided on and yes 10 years seems to be a long time for you and under these conditions, I'm sorry it has, but all you need is a little strength to finally cross that line, whether this is done quietly or whether you just do it, maybe a difficult decision, but please remember we are behind you.

Take care.

Geoff.

[Mk2692]

Hi !findingthelostme!',

Welcome to the forums and thanks for reaching out. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate at the moment and you are finding it hard to work on yourself and find your 'me time'.

It's great that you are trying to improve yourself and pursuing your career goals, I can imagine it wasn't easy to make that decision. It takes a lot of hard work and determination to work and study, as well as look after a family. This isn't easy, but through your hard work, you will attain a degree and hopefully find a better job and grow in your career.

It sounds like you have a lot of responsibilities with the kids and the chores around the house, does anyone help you with them by any chance? If that is not the case, maybe talk to your partner about a way that would be suitable for both of you and the kids to contribute around the house as that might help take the load of you.

In terms of your work environment, I understand that you are doing this on a casual basis, have you looked into finding another job? You might find work less stressful if you are working in a better environment. If that is not an option for you, hopefully you will find a better job once you graduate.

I know COVID has prevented everyone from enjoying life and going on a holiday, but now with no lockdowns, we can live somewhat a normal life. Have you found the time to catch up with family and friends? I think if you reach out to them you might find comfort in talking to someone. If you don't feel comfortable talking to them, then I would suggest to talk to a professional to help you through this tough time. You can speak to your GP for a referral to see a psychologist or counsellor if you are interested. There is a free online chat service on Beyond Blue and phone service on 1300 22 4636 available.

It sounds like you need some time for yourself, if you can, try to schedule in some alone time everyday and discuss it with the family. Whether it is going for a walk or exercising or even winding down in your room and reading a book. I know you don't have a lot of spare time, but by having an hour or a few minutes to yourself each day, this can help you recharge and accomplish more.

Hope this helps.