I've been taught to think negatively

[Rob_1994]

Hi everyone. My last post was an introduction of myself and my difficulties to express how I feel on a day to day basis. That post was 5 months ago so it took me quite a while to reflect. I believe the best word to sum it all is "Negativity". I feel like I've been taught to think negatively but not directly. It was my experience in school that makes me believe this, from kindergarten all the way up to year 12. I had indifferences with both students and teachers, spent all my school life alone and fending for myself but yet I had no one to really give me any motivation. I've never achieved academically and just remained at the bottom of the barrel, I was more concerned that I wasn't able to get along with anyone in primary school. I was hoping high school would be a fresh start but it got worse throughout the years. I didn't improve academically and I was bullied for it by classmates. Even though teachers expect their students to get help from them, I had trouble with this mainly because of their hostile attitude towards me. I was clearly a bad listener in class and all I just got from teachers were threats if I couldn't keep up, I was threaten with expulsion by my principle. I found it hard overtime to interact with others because I developed a thinking process that convinces me to avoid people because I'm awkward, pathetic and a bad listener who's seems disinterested. I'll be 28 in April this year and till this day, I'm scared of people and communication is poor. I still linger on the past because it's 18 years of nothing but bad memories and nothing has changed for me. I'm still a bad listener, I have a distaste for anyone who comes near me and I absolutely have no ambition to try new things, challenge myself or take risks due to my fear of failure. I'm a negative thinker because of bad history and I'm stuck in it. The frustrating thing is I want to improve, I want to be able to go out and communicate, I want to develop new skills so I can pursue a great career but it's too overwhelming for me because all these negative thoughts keep coming back to haunt me. I hope I'm posting this in the right forum since I consider negativity a symptom of depression. The idea that you can never amount to anything and taking on responsibilities feels scary.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Rob_1994,

Welcome to the forums, we are so glad that you've taken a big step in sharing here. It sounds like you’re managing many different feelings and emotions right now which must be very overwhelming. We hope you find some comfort in sharing here, and in hearing from the lovely community members, many of whom will be able to relate to what you’re going through right now.

It can be really good to reflect on why we might be feeling how we’re feeling. We're sorry to hear about your experiences in school, we do think there'll be community members who can, really relate to this. You can read our article about what to do when self-criticism and negative thinking is impacting you, here: When your inner critic is giving you a tough time

Remember you can always call our support line to talk this through, on 1300 22 4636, or via webchat 11am-12am AEDT each day: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/get-immediate-support

Thank you for sharing this and giving this community a chance to offer you their understanding and advice. 

Kind regards,

Sophie M

[Miz]

Hi Rob,

Thanks for sharing! It sounds like you have an incredible capacity for self-awareness and reflexivity and I hope you know that that is an important first step for change. In terms of taking the steps to improve I think the key is really to start small. It can be super overwhelming if you try to change your whole world in a day, but building small positive habits might help you to overcome some of that negative thinking. Some small habits that can help are saying something nice to yourself everyday, making a point of waking up and giving yourself a compliment and you'll be surprised how quickly this can change your way of thinking. Journalling is also a really good step to write out your goals but also improve your self talk. If you make time to sit down for 5 minutes everyday and write one small thing you'd like to improve or a goal for the week that can make it feel a bit more achievable. You can always come back to the goals you've written down and then use these to hold yourself accountable. It sounds like you've had a bit of trouble being open so maybe one example could be, say hello to a stranger. Even if it's just at the coffee shop and you say hello to the barister. The key is that building these small positive habits may ultimately bring about big change!

Hope this helps you.

Miz

[Petal22]

Hi Rob 1994,

Wellcome to our forums!

Im sorry you are felling this way and what you went through at school.

You really can change your mindset from a negative mindset to a positive one.

Try to look for the positive in everything, practice gratitude, practice mindfullness and speak to yourself in a positive way.

I understand that our minds just come up with negative thinking but try to remember we aren't our thoughts but the watcher of our thoughts.

Try not to believe everything that our minds bring up instead try to challenge this type of thinking.

Have you ever tried meditation? Its great, it can teach you to be watcher of your thoughts it just takes practice.

[white knight]

Hi Rob,

Perhaps these following threads can help. I had an "awakening at 26yo to my negativity. A few motivations lectures and the one in the thread in particular changed my life.

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/30-minutes-can-change-your-life

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/the-reality-of-ill-directed-positivity

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/motivation-how-do-we-get-some-

TonyWK