I think I need help!

Dan1982 · ‎14-08-2014

I had mild depression years and years ago but came through it by changing my lifestyle and diet. Recently I have had a really hard time with work, family life and financial commitments. I am really struggling to make basic everyday decisions, I don't sleep and when I do I don't want to get up when I wake. I'm constantly negative and always turn a good thing into bad as that's what I expect to happen so I feel like I'm preparing myself for the worst all the time. I am always hungry but when I eat I only want bad, fast food and after a few mouthfuls I tend to become nauscious and vomit! I have started to shake a bit, I sweat like mad constantly and have had quite a few red spots appear on my chest. I do not want to visit a doctor as it will show on my record and will jeopardise any future work prospects I want to do but it is getting quite scary as today I began to have suicidal thoughts. I quickly talked myself round but it has scared me so much that I could even think this that I am now asking for help on here. I have no idea what to do as I can not afford treatments or psychologists etc.

any advice would be so gratefully received!!!

Chloekat84 · ‎14-08-2014

Firstly. Thank you for your courage to write your post. I t must have been very hard to write these feelings down. I do think u need professional help and need to see your GP or click on the "Get Support" button on here and choose a doctor that suits u. Only u are in charge of your own future and as we all saw yesterday with Robin Williams. Life is too precious to just throw away. I know u are feeling bad and like no1 can help u but there are trained specialists who can and medication can work wonders as well. Take care and let us know how you are doing 🙂 x

White_Rose · ‎14-08-2014

Dear Dan

Welcome to Beyond Blue and thank you for sharing your story. You are in a very uncomfortable place and I would like to help you if I can.

First of all I am unsure what you mean by saying that going to the doctor will jeopardize any future work prospects. Your doctor cannot disclose any information about you without your permission. If a future employer wants medical information about you it can only relate to the prospective job, not to the whole of your life. Things have changed an enormous amount in that area.

In any case, as you are feeling so unwell, you are more likely to jeopardize your prospects by not getting any help. The nausea, vomiting, sweating and shaking sound like panic attacks. If this is so, and I am not a doctor, then you do need some assistance.

You are having difficulty with all your everyday decisions which can also be a symptom of depression, however mild. As Chloekat has said, click on the get help tab and find a doctor from there if you have any concerns about your current doctor.

You may remember from your previous depression how our brains play tricks on us in that situation. Why we always think the worst of everything is beyond me, but we do. Please see a doctor ASAP. I would love to hear from you again shortly.

Regards

LING

Suzy_Q · ‎14-08-2014

Dan, the fact that you have been able to put your feelings into words and you are seeking help is a huge achievement in itself. There are many avenues you can take to seek help. A good GP can be a wonderful support. You don't need to be concerned about money for psychologists. Go to the GP and ask for a mental health care plan. This will give you 10 free sessions to a counsellor, or psychologist, and will give you a good start. You also may need to consider asking the doctor for advice on medication. It is one of the hardest things I ever had to do to admit that I needed help. I was always a control freak, and felt like I could handle it all on m own, but after admitting I needed help, my situation steadily improved. There is always help out there Dan, you have reached out, now let us help you x

duchess79 · ‎14-08-2014

I think you need help too. When I've been in a bad place like when my husband skipped the country, left me with $6 to my name, cancelled my credit card, left me with a lease I couldn't afford on one income and my cat died all at the same time, I found mild anti depressants prescribed by a GP could help deal with the physical panic type feeling, so I could deal with the actual situation as a sane rational person.

Please talk to someone. If you're concerned about job prospects for the future, that's a good sign, as you're planning a future! Your doctor should be able to provide information on what medication you could take for a while, that won't affect you at work, depending on what you do for a living. And your medical records are confidential, don't let a possibility in the future keep you miserable now.

Please don't feel like you need to hide how you're feeling. You're not alone. If we all learn to talk about depression openly, it loses a lot of its power over us.

I hope you can find someone who you can talk to and can offer some professional help. There are also good pages on facebook where we can give each other the support that people who haven't been here can't.

Good luck

BeeGee · ‎15-08-2014

Hi Dan,

I second, third and fourth all of the above! Great advice, and I hope you decide to follow it as I'm certain it can only help you.

If you've had a run-in with depression before then it's likely it has been lurking around for a while, and you've probably managed (like I did) to ignore it for a long time until it started to become too intrusive. Listen to your body, heed the warning signals and get the help you need while you still can. If you do nothing you run the risk of your depression controlling you instead of the other way around and nobody wants that.

Be encouraged by the fact that you got control over it once before. This time might be worse and you might need some extra help, but you can succeed again.

Keep us posted on your progress! Best wishes,

BG.

Dan1982 · ‎06-01-2015

Firstly, thank you to all that responded and gave great advice. Sorry for the lateness of this response.

I lost my job which i loved 2 weeks before christmas, i have no money at all therefore am about to lose my home and have debt up to my eyeballs and am not entitled to any benefits. My wife wants to move back to the uk but im not even sure if i want to be with her anymore or is it the depression?! I went to see a GP that put me on a high dose of anti deppressants which gave me uncontrolled shakes and tiredness and went to see a psychologist who said nothing just listened to me moaning then booked another appointment until the 10 ran out! No advice or guidance whatsoever!

I have hit an all time low and now more than ever in my life feel like a total failure and that is all i will ever amount too. I feel like a burden on my wife and family and dont know what to do. I could easily walk out the door and disappear!!! I know i need help but cant even get motivated to wash let alone see a doc after my last encounter! I want decisions made for me but will be annoyed that the decision has been taken from me!

JessF · ‎16-01-2015

Hello Dan, I'm glad you've come back to talk to us. It sounds like there's an awful lot still going on! There is a new thread at the top of this page about coping with financial strain, it would be good for you to have a look at this because you're not alone. I'm so sorry to hear about your job and what's happening with debt and stress.

With your wife, I wouldn't make any big decisions at the moment. Your health is the most important thing. When depression hits this hard our brains tell us aweful things, like we are a burden to our families, but please believe that you aren't. Your wife and family will love you very much and need you.

The doctor and psychologist, doesn't sound like they are listening to you or have clicked with you. This can happen, and I know it's unfair. When you're at your most vulnerable you need people to listen. Have you got another appointment with that psychologist? At a first session, they should set out some structure as to how things are going to go. It sounds like there might not have been time to do that. Ask up front next time, and be clear that you want guidance from these sessions, and coping skills, not just a passive listening ear. You are the customer, Dan.

Also the doctor needs to understand how severe these side effects are and perhaps try you on different medication. If you don't feel confident speaking up, perhaps your wife can come with you and explain the effect this is having on you? There is no shame in doing this. Hope you write back soon.