I'm stuck

[Samsta12341]

I don't know how to word this but im struggling with everyday life. I can't do anything right. Which has made my depression worse I think. Has anyone else been there and what ways did you help yourself to get out of it? I have been  taking care of my mum and her issues for the past several months. My marriage is abit rocky at time and feels like there is no direction as a couple unless I do the directing. I love my job but it's hard some days to go and do it. I have very little time to myself. I'm glued to my phone when i do have time and I can't stop thinking about all the little mistakes I have made during the week. I'm struggling with it all. I'm only 33 and I just don't know what to do anymore. A part of me just want to give up. Any guidance would be appreciated. Thank you. 

[therising]

Hi Samsta12341

I've found sometimes it can be helpful to rephrase 'I can't do anything right' to 'I'm doing the best I can under the circumstances'. Having a closer look at all the circumstances you're under can then lead to the revelation 'No wonder I'm struggling so much. Most people would struggle under similar circumstances'. So while not a lot of people may struggle a lot with helping a parent through life or a challenging marriage or a job that's hard to some degree or little time to themself or a lack of direction, when you combine all of those things it's a completely different story. Then there's the stuff you're not conscious of. Someone could have all 4 of those challenges rolled into one while also struggling with an energy zapping iron deficiency and/or a lack of inspiration and/or a lack of joy from different areas in life. So, now it's up to 7 challenges all rolled into one. Again, 'No wonder I'm struggling so much'. We can be so tough on our self at times, that's for sure, without knowing the whole story at times.

I've also found a good question can be 'Who's raising the raiser of others?'. If you're the 'go to' person when it comes to helping, motivating and raising others, who's your helper, motivator and inspiration? Sometimes it's a matter of 'C'mon people, step up for me on occasion. I really need it. Raise me to feel what I really need to be feeling at times (more energy, a sense of joy, a sense of excitement etc)'. Chances are you're a powerhouse who understandably loses power. Who or what puts you back in a state of charge? If you're a lighthouse for others, showing the way, who leads you to realise you are the light but maybe you just can't see it because you're projecting your light outwards towards everyone but yourself. You can be brilliant and not even know it. I imagine you're truly brilliant yet incredibly drained. 🙂

[Samsta12341]

I am very drained most days. Even when I have " days off ". I don't really switch off to relax and enjoy. I have mental health app on my phone that helps me to get up and do things that needs doing. Otherwise I will stay in bed all day and not have a care in the world. I do try but most days I have no one that I can just turn to and vent. Sometimes I just need someone to point me into the right direction. I know that if im not getting things done. Etc house work, exercising or just planning the week ahead. I get annoyed at myself for not doing it and call myself lazy. Maybe it's my head doing all the talking. I struggle hard some days to do anything. 

[therising]

Hi Samsta12341

Can be so incredibly hard to identify all our triggers, what triggers us to do this or that or think this way or that. I've lost count of the amount of times I've thought 'I had no idea that was a trigger for me until I really felt it'. I think sometimes it's about getting a feel for things. 

I had no idea what a trigger the ring of my mobile phone was until I suddenly became conscious of it. With 2022 being a seriously challenging year for me (when it came to a number of family members needing support), it wouldn't be unusual for me to get a number of calls each day. Typically the calls were about doing something for someone, including taking on extra shifts in my part time job. Add to that people at home needing help. I'm a wife and mum of 2 kids (18 and 21yo). So, anytime my phone would ring or someone would say 'Mum...' or 'Darl...(my husband), it would trigger my nervous system. By the time I resigned from my job at the end of 2022, I was a nervous wreck. I was so run down. The free time achieved through taking time off work triggered me to relax too much, which then triggered the brutal and depressing harsh inner critic in me. 'All you do with your free time is sit around. You're hopeless. You're pathetic' and on and on it went. Sounds like you could relate to how you just can't seem to catch a break. If you're not facing the challenges thrown at you by others, you're facing some facet of self that just won't let you rest.

I found a good book for managing inner dialogue to be 'Insanely Gifted - Turn Your Demons Into Creative Rocket Fuel', by Jamie Catto. Catto encourages the reader to imagine there are many different facets to us. Some of them we could label as our 'inner demons', such as the harsh and depressing brutal inner critic. Each facet, good and not so good, has a different feel to it and comes with a different kind of dialogue. For example, the sage in us may feel gentle and caring while insisting 'Breathe, you need to stop and breathe', when we're seriously stressed. The depressing inner critic at its absolute worst can sound cruel and depressing with 'You're a waste of space. What are you really good for?' and so on. I smile when I say I'm learning to tell my really depressing inner demons to 'Go to hell', while trying to channel the more divine facets of self, such as the sage. I imagine if you were to tap into the sage in you, it may say 'You're doing the best you can under the circumstances, trying to feel your way through the dark (trying to get a feel for a sense of direction)'. Can you think of anyone in your life (past or present) who's been good at helping you shed light on things? Could be someone worth visiting or revisiting.

[Samsta12341]

I had a girlfriend that I can just talk to for hours. Unfortunately she has now moved to another state. I don't really have alot of girlfriends that I can just go to and talk about life. Most of the people I talk to. Are younger then me like 5 years younger. It's hard sometimes for me to just open up to anyone. If I open to people. I sometimes feel like they judge me. I lost a job due to mental health issues. I only just started at that place. I have always felt people talk about me to others. I will definitely look into that book. Thank you for recommending it to me. I appreciate it. I have notice that I'm getting annoyed at the small things and sometimes at the wrong things. Maybe that might be a trigger which I  need to watch out on. I guess I don't know where to start and I just need to start somewhere. Thank you. You have been helpful.