I'm so flat.

[Jaime88]

I've never felt so flat in my life, I have depression and anxiety, I've been through so much the last year it feels like it never ends, first August 2019 my brother went to jail which shocked us all, sexual assault, he now has over 60 charges when he first went to jail I was made to do everything, organise solicitors, visits, make the calls to find out why he was in jail, I felt like I was his mother because my mum is an alcoholic and just drank and drank and made me do everything, I went into a deep depression and nearly lost myself and my family, then the house we were living at for 8 years we got evicted because the owner wanted to knock the house down, so of course I had to look for a house for myself and husband and our 4 children with absolutely no money to move because it was brought on us so sudden, we finally got a house after 2 months, then i thought things could only get better from here, wrong, I had a cancer scare and we thought I had endometrial cancer, I had all the symptoms had to have ultrasounds they all come back bad, then my pap smear come back HPV positive another scare, I had to get into the hospital within 2 weeks for a biopsy, a month goes by and still no appointment, so my doctor chases it up as to why it's taking so long, I finally got an appointment, had the biopsy and had to wait 9 days for the results , results come back within 3 days. Thank God it wasn't cancer , but now I have to have surgery ( Endometrial ablation). I booked in for that 2 weeks ago so now on the wait list, then I got a phone call from my child's school that my daughter had been self-harming, that knocked me for 6 then on Saturday 4th July, my nan passed away. It just feels like it's one thing after another and I'm not getting a break. I can't seem to show any emotion , can't laugh , can't cry. I'm just flat, I'm not sleeping properly even though I'm constantly tired. I don't want to leave my house and when I think of it, my heart just pounds out of my chest.
Does anyone have any advice on how to move forward from all of this.

[Gambit87]

Hi Jaime88,

Welcome to the forums. Thank you for reaching out! its extremely brave!

I'm really sorry that your having such a difficult time at the moment! I can certainly see why you're feeling so flat with that you have been going through.

Do you have close friends/relatives you can confide in? Talking it out (easier said then done, I know) can be quite liberating and lift weight from your shoulders. The beyondblue support line can be very useful aswell.

When was your last Jaime88 day? or Jaime88 hour? Doing something for yourself - even if its just a short walk around the corner or to the coffee shop can help you be in a clearer frame of mind. You cant pour from an empty glass - You're important too!

I cant recommend enough seeing a GP and get a referral to a psychologist. A good psychologist is worth their weight in gold.

I can only imagine what you are going through! I have depression and anxiety and it took me about 15 years to acknowledge I needed help. I constantly felt flat, worthless, lonely and I didnt know who or how to talk about it. As hopeless and as hard as it is now, it does get better. Its hard work, but you will get through this.

We're here for you! youre not alone!

[Croix]

Dear Jaime88~

I'd have to say that you are inside a trap that the very best and most considerate people fall into. You have taken over the entire family responsibility, and are in fact physically unwell in addition.

There is an awful temptation to think one can manage everything, particularly for those we a close to. An inexhaustible well of strenght. Sadly that is not the case and you are suffering the results of all your efforts.

When planes used to fly there was a sign

"Put oxygen mask on self before helping others"

Now that is common sense and you can see it. Passing out by giving your oxygen to another is not a good idea, you have to survive in order to be able to help.

Now you can see where I'm going with this. Doing everything for everybody while they are more than happy to shirk their responsibilities plus endless waits for test results has left you ill. you say it yourself in different words

I can't seem to show any emotion , can't laugh , can't cry. I'm just
flat, I'm not sleeping properly even though I'm constantly tired. I
don't want to leave my house and when I think of it, my heart just
pounds out of my chest.

May I suggest you go see your doctor, and rather than concentrating on your physical aliments you are assessed for depression, anxiety and exhaustion. If these are found you will simply have to obey therapist's orders and not do everything. your life will have to change -while you still have it.

Do you think I'm being dramatic, no, just realistic. You have reached your limit. It is possible the next stage might be the one I reached, thinking of killloing myself. No, I'm no doctor, I'm simply going on what happened to me.

As Gambit above has asked, is there anyone who will care for you? Listen and understand? To get proper perspective and try to deal with the situation on your own would be very hard.

Please come back and talk some more

Croix

[Jaime88]

I had a phone consult with my doctor yesterday, he is starting me on another andtidepressant, and I'm already on one type He wants me to take the both of them together. I went shopping yesterday and brought myself a brand new iPhone 7 hoping it would make me feel better, it didn't, I used it for a little while and didn't like it so I gave it to my daughter. I went for a walk, but hopefully the new medication helps me feel a little bit better. Thank you for the support.

[Jaime88]

I saw my doctor yesterday, he is starting me on new medication. I'm also going to slow down a bit now and focus on myself rather then everyone else. I'm hoping to see a councillor aswell.