I’m scared of what’s to come

[iitzpeterr]

I’ve been depressed for awhile now and recently I’ve lost the girl I loved more than anything and I’ll admit it I deserve it I’m a piece of trash but I now have nothing left and I know she’s doing fine she has a lot of people for her and distractions and safe places. Just life has been tough this year especially, I used to enjoy coming to highschool especially since I was freshman 10th grade now going into 11th but what now. I have nothing left we agreed to be friends as I was the one being dumped but I can’t let go of what we had and I’m scared to sleep cause it’s all I think about all the dreams I get hurt and I’ve now fallen even deeper into the hole where the urge to die has become stronger I can’t no more I’ve delayed my death so many times but I just can’t be f****d and keeping in contact with her since we are still friends hurts me so much the spark is gone it went from a “goodnight I love you” to a “goodnight love you” because a guy came into play and well ruined everything I don’t expect help or anything I just needed to rant I literally have nobody my heart is aching

[Sophie_M]

Hi iitzpeterr,

Thank you for sharing this here. We're so sorry to hear you're feeling this way. Please know that this community is here for you.

We're concerned about you, so we will also  be reaching out to you privately. We think that it is really important that you talk to someone about these thoughts and feelings, so please give the Beyond Blue helpline a ring directly on 1300 22 4636 to talk things through with the lovely counsellors. A few more options are KidsHelpline on 1800 55 1800, Lifeline on 13 11 44, and Headspace on 1800 650 890. All of these options are also available through webchat, if you'd prefer: 

• Beyond Blue 
• Kids Helpline 
• Lifeline 
• Headspace (9am-1am AEDT) 

It can be really tough to make the step to make a call but the people who answer the phone are kind and helpful. They speak to people about this everyday and can offer useful advice. You don't have to go through this alone.

Hopefully we'll hear from the community at some point. In the meantime, we hope you're able to be kind to yourself, and to feel some pride in the bravery it took to post here today. 
 

[geoff]

Hello Ijtzpeterr, to try and console a person who has lost the person they have loved, is not easy because we don't the intimates between the two of you and it's not fair to even suggest, but only know that it's created a huge hole in your heart that we are unable to patch up because all you want is to be back with them.

It's not fair that you blame yourself but easy that we do, however, what has happened may not necessarily be your fault and maybe what she herself didn't agree with, that doesn't make it your fault.

When she then forms another relationship doesn't mean it's going to last, she may also disagree with something that's been said and could move from one person to another on several occasions and there could be a chance she will come back to be you.

Don't forget that eventually, you may become a wiser and stronger person, you have your own personality.

Look after yourself.

Geoff.