I’m never gonna get better

[pinkkookaburra99]

I’m so tired of trying. I do everything to help my anxiety and depression. For over 4 years now, I’ve been exercising, maintaining routine, improving my diet, doing mindfulness, CBT techniques, doing ‘fun’ activities. I’ve made big changes to my life and environment. I’ve seen at least 5 psychs/counsellors and I am now on my 5th medication. I’m still showing no improvement. If anything I’ve gone downhill.

None of it works at all. Every single day of my life is complete misery. I wouldn’t wish this life on my worst enemy. I hate myself and I hate my life.

There are people on this website that have been depressed for 20 years or more. I’m clearly destined to be one of them. There’s no point in trying if I do everything ‘right’ and it doesn’t even work a little bit. Nothing will ever get better and I don’t want to try anymore.

I’m nothing but a burden to all my friends and family. I’m so messed up that every doctor and psych I’ve seen doesn’t know what to do with me. I’m a massive failure and my life is a joke. I’ve done everything under the sun to improve my mental health and not a single thing has worked, even after 4 years of constantly practicing these things. Clearly I’m too far gone.

I need some help. I want things to get better, I’m happy to work hard, I just don’t know what to work hard at. All the signs seem to be pointing towards my depression being incurable. No one knows how to help me. No one tells you what to do when you do everything they tell you and it doesn’t work at all.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Pinkkookaburra99, 

We are so sorry that you are feeling so low at the moment. That must be incredibly tough. We want to thank you for being so brave and for coming to the forums for support today. Anxiety and dperession are complex and difficult conditions. We can get better at managing them on a day-to-day basis. We think it would be great for you to join in some other conversations on this forum and ask about what has worked. There are strategies that people find help them and so we hope you can find some that are effective for you.

We are concerned at how low you are feeling and so we have reached out privately as well as here on this post. We think it would be incredibly useful for you to call our phoneline on 1300 22 4636 and talk to someone about how you are feeling. There is also Lifeline on 13 11 14 - they are brilliant as well. 

Please remember that if you do not feel safe that this is an emergency and you should call 000. 

It would be great if you could keep us updated on this threa about how you are going, if you feel comfortable doing so. 

Kind regards,

Sophie M

[pinkkookaburra99]

I’m completely safe, thanks for your concern though.

I’m feeling really confused and lost though. I want to get better but I don’t really know what to do.

[Summer Rose]

Hi pink kookaburra 99

I can feel how tired you are in your posts. I don’t think many people really understand how exhausting it can be to try and heal but I do. I’m so very sorry for your struggles.

You are not a failure, you are unwell—there’s a big difference. Nobody can help falling ill, so please remember that this is not your fault. It’s unfair and challenging but no one is to blame.

I have supported my daughter throughout a long and complicated journey toward recovery. I’m going to tell you what I have told her during moments like this: rest.

Sometimes, some days, it’s just about getting through. That’s enough.

The next piece of advice I can give you is to be kind to yourself. You have much to be proud of.

You are doing all the “right” things and when I read your story I see tenacity, bravery and persistence, and I’ve no doubt that the people in your life see this too.

I’m wondering if there is anyone you trust right now from your professional practitioners who could help you review your situation?

I’m not a doctor, so I can’t tell you what to do. But I believe it will help—when you are ready—to sit down with a professional and map out what to do next.

When I was in this very situation trying to help my daughter, I found our GP very helpful.

It also helped to remember that everyone is different and responds to treatment in different ways. It’s not like putting a cast on a broken arm. There is a lot of trial and error for everyone. You are not alone, my friend.

Hang in there.

Kind thoughts to you

[pinkkookaburra99]

I see doctors and psychologists all the time. They don’t know what to do with me, that’s the problem. We haven’t found a single medication that has worked, even a little bit. Psychology so far has been completely useless.

I’m never going to get better. I’m a hopeless case. There’s no reason to believe anything will ever get better, and I have so much evidence that I will lead a miserable and exhausting life.

[Summer Rose]

Hi pink kookaburra 99

I hear you. It sounds like you’re at your wit’s end and I understand why.

Couple of questions...

Who made the original diagnosis?

Do you think it’s possible that diagnosis could be incorrect?

Has anyone ever suggest in-patient treatment? I don’t say this to alarm you but maybe it’s worth a discussion with your doctors. Fresh team, fresh ideas and a new start.

There’s no pressure to answer here but I’m happy to listen.

Kind thoughts to you