I'm Emotionally Numb + Stopped Therapy

[hairclip]

Hi, I've posted a long time ago. I've made some changes to my life...big changes actually. Previously I was stuck in hospitality and I felt extremely trapped. I finally mustered up the courage to change because I was so tired of crying every night and waking up from panic attacks.

So I ended up easing out of my job, went back to study, ended a long term relationship and found a new line of work. I even finally took up therapy. I finally was happy.

I know you're not suppose to be happy all the time. But lately I stopped going to therapy, I don't find it helpful any more. I dread going to therapy...I'm just numb now...I'm not motivated, I use to care for my looks and now I don't even care about that. I just don't feel anything...my therapist wants me to continue with therapy but I don't. Its probably just the pandemic right?

I feel trapped once again but unlike last time, I'm not struggling, I'm just emotionally unresponsive and tired...

[hairclip]

Hi Croix, thank you for your reply. I'm glad things worked out for you. Did you notice only sadness or negative thoughts when you were depressed? Or was it just numb and no emotional response to any events?

In the past my experience with depression was crying uncontrollably and especially when I was alone. I constantly had negative thoughts in my head to a point I'd get exhausted. But this time it just feels different...

[Croix]

Dear Hairclip~

It's hard to answer your question as I am at a "recovered" state from PTSD, bouts of depression and chronic anxiety. As a result it is just about impossible to separate all symptoms

One thing did strike a chord when you said : " I'm standing outside a glass room and seeing all my emotions reacting to different events but I can't feel them myself."

I have so often said something very similar on this Forum, I'll quote one of them : "It was as if I was on one side of a glass all, and I was on the otherside, so I was cut off from myself."

At other times yes, cried and full of negative thoughts, plus the sadness.

I'm no doctor so cannot say much about your mental health, all I can say is your descriptions of your feelings could have been written by me.

I'll stress my recovery point is a good one, with symptoms manageable and I'm happy to be alive.

I noticed your Leyendecker avatar, I like both him and also Alphonse Mucha who filled a similar artistic niche in advertising. I'm glad you draw, do you find you can lose yourself in it?

Croix

[hairclip]

I love this painting, but drawing brings back really negative memories and feelings for me. I have a love hate relationship with drawing. I'm very impressed you're able to recover from it. It must have been a difficult journey...

I wanted to compare my symptoms to others, as it is hard for me to identify if my therapist is right for me. And I don't want to go to therapy if what I'm feeling is how everyone feels and I'm just over thinking it...

Thank you for sharing your experiences, I'm actually very glad to read your response is full of hope.

[Croix]

DearHairclip

I'd have to say you are not over-thinking it at all.

BTW your avatar 'In the Stands' does paint a rather idyllic picture of social life, still it is a reminder life can be good.

Croix

[hairclip]

I didn't know that's what it was about, I really liked the painter's art style

[mocha delight]

Hi hair clip yes it’s not really easy having to feel the negative emotions with depression and I really wish I was emotionally numb right now

[hairclip]

Thank you to everyone who helped me through this numbness, it gave me a little push towards the right direction. I feel a bit better now, and have started to ease back into life.

I still feel pretty numb but I'm able to start doing things again. I've kept a journal on days I feel especially numb and see any patterns. I've noticed its usually during dim and rainy days. I've also started being mindful and grateful of things and supportive people.

I think I'll be OK. I hope everyone all the best and I'll return from time to time 🙂

[hairclip]

I know...I thought the same when all I could do was cry uncontrollably in my room and it seemed like all routes out of this depression was permanently sealed.

Its difficult...it takes hard work to cope and get to a better stage. Numbess does allow you to live a little easier, but you still won't want to get out. Please get the help you need. I sincerely hope you will thrive to get better.

[mocha delight]

Hi hairclip I’m seeing a psychologist and have been since 9th September last year but I’ve not been officially diagnosed with anything yet but my psychologist has casually mentioned to me that I have depression (clinical depression), social anxiety and general anxiety plus last session she ruled out basically that I don’t have bipolar.

[bluenight]

Hi hairclip

Emotional numbness is a symptom of depression and so is losing the zest for life. Antidepressants can actually help treat this, I know for some people it cause emotional numbness but it can also treat it. Just something to consider. Emotional numbness is really difficult to deal with, I don't know what's worse being depressed where you feel everything or being numb