I hope things can turn around for me. ( likely doomed ) Part 1

[Jaibigrone907]

I'm now, not only 29 without any payed work history. I've had nine months of volunteer in something I hated doing. My resume is basically pathetic and it's otherwise blank with just overselling my sociability and that I'm eager to work miserable entry jobs. I don't want those industries, I'm not suitable, adaptable or wanting retail, factory crap or anything like hospitality washing dishes or being a barista. I never wanted to do  construction, apprenticeships and manual labour. The entry jobs don't provide the ideal employment security and remote commutes that I would want. The wages and salaries are just the bare minimum, if your not earning $60,000 and about $30 wages you can't be happy financially or really survive individually in modern Australia, in my opinion you need around $50 wages and at least $80,000 to be happy in current Australia.

I graduated high school with only a Foundation VCAL, not a generic VCE and with a strong ATAR and I feel I failed in numerous aspects. Since I was bullied and hated everyone in high school that mistreated me during those six years. I had started with video game addictions that lasted over a dozen years since I was 12. I was immature with how I was behaving at home when I was 14 - 17, I just was not considerate. I also had no interest in basis school studies that didn't provide me a strong specific reasonable interest. I was conceiving University as a social norm since 15, only for people that want academic titled careers, I always wanted to be creative or musical, but only as a recluse hobbie, I've come to terms that likely won't happen, because I can't be the confidence or nature to really be the way I'd wish to be. I had low self esteem because I knew arsewholes since 2008 untill 2017 and I was bullied in many ways, taken for granted and they thought their better than me.

[Sophie_M]

 
Hey Jaibigrone907,

Thank you for your post and for sharing what you are going through with the community. Trying to get into the workforce and find out what you want to do can be a really stressful time, especially with cost of living pressures.

It sounds like you have a good sense of what you are not interested in. On the flip side of that, is there anything that does interest you that you have thought about getting involved in or enjoy doing?

If you ever want to talk, please do not hesitate to give the lovely Beyond Blue counsellors a call on 1300 22 4636 or speak to them on webchat here.

We hope the community can be a helpful space for you while you are going through this. Feel free to let us know how things are going along the way. We are here to support you.

Kind regards
Sophie M
 
 

[Jaibigrone907]

I like Dietitian & Nutrition since I was diagnosed with pre diabetes, I became understandably more interested. I just don't have a Year 12 VCE and ATAR of 87 + to go to Deakin, which would be the ideal campus. I am not the personality to study either, I've never been to a orientation day and to know how the institutions operate. I only feel motivated to pursue anything with a reasonable or strong interest. I was never insincere to want to hate my life, just to have money, I only wanted something I authentically liked doing, in terms of work, but I don't like dealing with society or anyone, I don't like anyone, I'm recluse and only like my hobbies and being to myself.

I have certain problems with the world, I see how it's conformity in many ways and it's negative influence too often. I understand that you could consider yourself smart or with abstract thinking, but society will only dumb you down as being the better intelligence, from the next person to the next. I hate how it's all about being told or normalised to be modern, If you consider yourself traditional in certain ways. I can't stand how superficial, shallow, materialistic the century is, it's all centred on trivial things, being genuine or selfless doesn't apply to most. People cause your problems, they don't care otherwise, or they laugh and enjoy hearing about them, most people gossip or tell you things that you don't want to hear. The good are minorities in any country, generation.

I can't relate to masculinity that's stoic, opinionated, doing derogatory insults, general bullying, I can't relate to misogyn or bloke culture. I am sick of constant concern if masculinity will bully about virginity or try to say if anyone's desperate and how they overhype it.

I can't stand how people are normalised to care about celebrities, just because their random famous people and to feel worthless in comparison to them, it's become all about net worth and fame, or your demeaned as just being average. Your manipulated as being mental, weird, and the world diverts their personal thinking against you, they try to make it out to be, that it's your beliefs, when it's their own. They are supported by others and when your a rare person or with unpopular beliefs you can't be supported or relatable to anyone. Your made to feel constantly different and that your the person in the wrong, against smug Psychiatrist's, Psychologist's, precious GP doctors, people like the British Royals, Politicians, High school popular jocks, they make you feel worthless and many try to define people in many ways, it's not a world that's encouraging, praising, understanding, with guaranteed equality, you can't build esteem and your sort of pre determined since you start high school, with your level of personal confidence.

[Earth Girl]

Like I said in my reply to you last time, I actually have a lot of both payed and unpaid work experience (office work, cleaning, working at a chemist, working at a CIT, ect). That's why I have my job recruiters, they help me find work experiences and places I can volunteer at. I haven't just volunteered at 3 different Saint Vinnies either, I also worked at one for a week, but I couldn't keep up. I actually have a lot of good experience on my resume. Just because I'm shy, it doesn't mean that I don't like to socialize, I do, I just get nervous. By entry jobs, do you mean places like Coles or Woolworths? Because I actually would like to work there, but I struggle a lot socially. Also, can I ask what a strong ATAR means?

I don't hate the people in high school who bullied me. I sometimes feel annoyed with them and there are some that I don't really like, but I don't hate them. I'm more hurt by the experience than anything since a lot of them still bully me. I never had a computer game addiction? More like I had a forum addiction for a few years because I could barely socialize in real life because of my shyness.

I agree that I could have done better with how I acted at home, but my parents could have as well. You don't know what goes on behind closed doors. I had low self esteem before I started high school, but the bullying made it worse. Can I ask how I was taken for granted? I don't know what you mean?

I don't know why you think I don't study? I should have tried to do a lot better with studying when I was in high school, but in college and when I went to CIT to study child care, I was good with my studying and doing assignments and home work.

I actually do like interacting with people which is one of the reasons why I would actually like to work in retail. I also don't see money as everything. It makes life easier because I mean, I wouldn't want to be homeless, but I'm fully aware that there's more to life than just money?

I never said that most people were in-genuine or selfish?

I agree that too much importance is placed on celebrities though, though I do feel kind of bad for them because a lot of them became famous partly because they don't really like themselves. But yeah, they're not any better than regular people.

I have a few ideas of what I could study if I went back to CIT though, but I'm not completely sure if they would work out.

I've been enjoying the process of putting my makeup on recently and I feel like I would like putting it on other people too, but I feel like if I were to study to become a makeup artist that I would have to learn how to apply it really well (people would only get their makeup done professionally if they wanted it done a certain way) which I don't know if I could do. (I know that's why you go to learn about it, but I'm worried that I still wouldn't be good enough).

I also like the sound of horticulture, but my Dad told me that I would probably need to be able to drive (I can't drive as I have an eye condition) unless I was able to get a job in a nursery which is apparently unlikely.

I'm also planning to do some more volunteering at another Saint Vinnies - I'm hoping that after a while, I will become quicker at it and then I might be able to get some more paid work and/or do more retail.

I'm also hoping to hear back soon from Volunteering Australia and hopefully they will be able to help me get more volunteering and/or paid work.

So, I do have some ideas of what I might be able to do so hopefully I won't be screwed in the future.

[Jaibigrone907]

1) I've never liked my father, his a useless parent, that shouldn't be one, his dysfunctional, selfish and keeps to himself. I hate his sister and I had to know his friend for years and it's all a unwanted experience.

2) I was bullied for a decade, 10 years and hated everyone that I had to know from high school. 

3) I made suicidish choices during 2012 - 2014, I'm now wrongly diagnosed as a Schizophrenic since 19, now I'm 29 and I've never had any Psychotic history, they just wrongly conceive my history that way. I couldn't argue why I logically would've done those mistakes I made, It was just a destructive phase that I was going through, that I uniquely understood. I don't have Schizophrenia and my life's been defined and completely destroyed by detrimental pharmaceuticals. I became pre diabetic in 2017, I had my gallbladder removed in 2020, other pharmaceutical side effects. I do unbelievably have rare spirituality that happens in diverse ways and it's absolutely not Schizophrenia and I can indisputably can differentiate the difference. I'm tired of been given unwanted negative judgment from American's and having the therapist's undermine me, being told I am different, having them laugh about me or demeaning my intelligence, because of my choices that happened years ago during 2012 - 2014. I have certain experiences with the spirituality that I want to connect with more, but I always have masculinity or the doctors blocking me off, with their secularised differences, it's entirely frustrating and abusive, especially when I never allowed for this to happen and it only started in 2021, now in 2024 the spirituality is constant and it's mixed with discrimination. I get told if I'm humble, authentic, friendlier, better, sweeter or kinder, otherwise I'm told if I'm younger and I hate being told that, it's always the way people try to dumb you down and disregard half the feelings you have, or the things you want to talk about. It doesn't change the fact I'm the victim, it's such a trivial reply that makes my issues seem dismissed.

4) I don't like my generation and young people for many reasons, I want to be over 50 and like my generation.

7) I have American aspects, with my beliefs, certain speaking, mentality. I can't handle living in a progressive, strongly secular, atheist country. I want to be American for the sociological division with politics, Christianity Religion and more. I've known this even since I was 8 - 12 in 2003 - 2007, I've been frustrated that I can't get to travel and compare between the American, Canadian society and how I wouldn't be able to migrate regardless and have no family or friends living there.

😎 At 29, I have no payed work history, no suitable direction, job recruiters offer nothing. I don't want entry jobs like retail, sales, factory, hospitality, it's not being suitable, adaptable, social and their the worst bare minimum wages, salaries. The employment security too and the remote commutes aren't great and many are desperate for the same shitty jobs. I have a reasonable interest in Dietitian - Nutrition only since I was diagnosed with pre diabetes, but I don't have a academic personality or want to study anything, It's too much study and the career only provides moderate satisfaction, the salary is average, only $60,000 and it's providing only $30 wages for a bachelor degree with acquired intense science studying. I've read many people have to work entry jobs or admin jobs and take ages to get their qualified opportunity and I read online the work weeks were apparently flexible that they were 32 - 34 hours, but their just regular full time for 38 hours, it's also a female dominated field and it feels uninviting in that sense. I have no alternatives and I can't forward and change my life into any purpose. I can't have a mortgage at my age or even any eligibility for a rent accommodation without history. I only got my driving after 25 and it was because I had a Centrelink pension, only since I've been mistakenly diagnosed with something as severe as Schizophrenia, no one else was financially assisting me. I was motivated alone for my independence and I had such inconveniences during those years with who I was working with. 

9) I'm a virgin at 29 for too many reasons and because of the diagnosis stigma, having pre diabetes, belly stretch marks from prior meds, and the gum recessions that I need to repair on my three lower teeth. By the age of 30 my life has been completely turned over in all the worse ways, because of flawed psychiatry.

[Jaibigrone907]

1) I am 29 and I have no future. I have only had nine month's volunteer in a salvo's job that I hated. I have spent years with disability job recruiters, since I'm claiming Centrelink and it's a waste of time, they provide no opportunities and it's even harder because I have no direction and sense for what I want. I don't want entry sales, factory, hospitality or retail jobs. I am not adaptable, enthused or suitable for those miserable job's and their not the wages and salaries I'd want because the the lowest bare minimum. Their not with the best employment security and the remote commutes aren't always ideal, many are desperate, if they haven't got valid University education and everyone's had years of payed work history. I am not going to University without a VCE and a ATAR that I would need, I always believed University was a social norm since I was 15 and only for people who know they specifically want a academic career. It wasn't until 25 that I had a reasonable or moderate interest in Dietitian - Nutrition and I don't entirely care at the same time, plus I don't have the self motivated or academic personality to apply to studying, even if I would've been otherwise eligible. I knew all my life I wasn't the breed of masculinity to work construction or want a apprenticeship, so this knocks out all the conventional pathway's and there's nothing else I can think doing, I've looked in career books and I wouldn't want to do any of it. I only somehow passed Year 11 VCE and graduated with a Foundation Year 12 which is embarrassing to me.

2) I have a probationary regular driver's licence and a vehicle, but I don't even drive regardless, and my car just is parked on the front nature strip like it's more of a antique. I only drive locally when I do, and rarely alone.

3) I have low self esteem because I was bullied for a decade during and after high school for years, by people I wish I never had to know. After graduating I was frustrated with having still no work direction, no money before having my Centrelink back then. I didn't have my driving or believed it would ever happen, while I was enduring those two bad bully friends, until I realised to cut them out of my life. I had a infatuation with a girl that suicided, it made me go into destructive phases. My father's crap in many ways, despite him paying the bills and keeping behind the T.V., I had to know his unlikeable friend & my Dad's sister too. My Dad's friend told him, to kick us out, because we're age 29.

[Earth Girl]

Can you explain to me who the "two bully friends" were? I only remember having one friend who bullied me and she wasn't from school, but she was a friend of a friend I knew from school and that was how we became friends. I was only friends with her for 2 1/2 years and then I opened up to my Mum and sister that I didn't like the way she treated me so they said to just tell her you're busy whenever she asks to hang out and don't start conversations with her so I did that and this lasted 3 years because she wouldn't let go despite knowing that I didn't want to be friends anymore (she posted things about me on Facebook saying that I was "playing games" for not hanging out with her anymore?) I told my Mum and sister that I was planning to just tell her that I didn't want to be friends anymore because distancing myself wasn't working and they said "No, just keep distancing yourself and let the friendship die" even though it had been 3 years and it still wasn't ending. It only ended when I deleted her on Facebook.

I had two other friends and one of them was also from school if that's what you mean? But they didn't bully me, I just grew out of the friendship.

I also don't know who you are talking about when you say that "two of my friends are saying they have better lives than me and that I don't get to have an opinion because I don't have a job" are? The first girl I talked about has a boyfriend, but I was never really friends with her boyfriend, but are they the two that you mean? I really can't even figure out who you could be talking about? Or how you would know what they are saying about me?

When you say "I had an infatuation with a girl who suicide" are you talking about the girl I was friends with online? She didn't commit suicide so I'm not sure why you say that? Also it was more of just a girl crush than a crush-crush and I saw her mostly as just a friend. My sister told me that It's actually very common for girls to get "girl crushes" and it's just not talked about very often. She told me that she gets girl crushes too.

[Jaibigrone907]

I'm sick of feeling that my life has been attacked or sabotaged. 

As I've mentioned before, it wasn't only how I had to endure NINE years of high school terrible relationships from 2008 - 2017.

It was how I've also been mistakenly diagnosed with Schizophrenia, not just Psychosis and medicated since 2012. I have my licence restricted to only automatic, I have to get second yearly or otherwise every year medical certificates approved by a doctor or a psychiatrist and then sent off to Vic Road's for their consent and to allow me to legally drive. I have to visit a psychiatrist every six months and go to my doctor clinic to get occasional renewed scripts and then go to my local chemist and buy the unwanted drugs, that I know are unnecessary, and from my own financial expense. 

It's how I have became pre diabetic, I've had my gallbladder removed, I've gotten stretch marks, after I overcame weight gain. I briefly had nausea and I used to get sedation if I drank any alcohol, I would have to sleep for 3 - 5 hours and feel tired mentally for days, because of the interacting with the pharmaceuticals, those detrimental drugs destroyed my life. 

Since 2021 I've been ruined by unrelated spirituality that randomly started. I can't alleviate from it, wither it's the psychiatry therapist's that I had to briefly be around, it's also from the North American's. They judge me in a unproven way. It happens when being social, through technology in various ways, with physical things I've seen. I was on the way to my psychiatrist a few months ago and I saw two vehicle car plates, one after the other, called INS4NE and Im Maad. I get many people with Schizophrenia walking around the area and past the house, I even see the same people or others in different nearby suburbs that I presume have that condition. It's mainly through my nature, conscious and mind, it's not only how sometimes they play famous celebrity music through my thinking, I get the emotions and opinions of what's always seemingly the psychiatrist's, who laugh & judge me as different, wither I weren't intelligent, if I'm original, their otherwise discriminating about social class or economic status, if I'm Whiter. It's the most abusive thing, no one else has to be internally victimised everyday, without their permission. It reminds me how years ago I had my psychiatrist telling me I am involuntary - voluntary or voluntary - involuntary which is bullshit. It even got me argued into hospital for one month in 2021. 

[therising]

Hi Jaibigrone907

Not sure if I've mentioned it before but I'm wondering if you've ever seen a documentary called 'Crazywise'. While it follows the experiences of a guy diagnosed with schizophrenia, it also covers the possibilities of misdiagnoses, such as when a spiritual emergence or emergency is mislabeled and classified as a psychiatric condition (as both can have many factors in common, yet are very different conditions). Being different conditions, they take 2 different paths, requiring 2 different types of treatment and forms of guidance. While schizophrenia is a condition of the brain and mind, the other is something that impacts the brain and mind amongst other things. I hope that makes sense. This explains why some people going through a seriously mind altering spiritual crisis can have issues with a sense of reality. It can be like a bad 'trip', based on the way the brain and mind behave. Guide them through the trip and they come out the other side fine. Very different from schizophrenia, something that requires ongoing medication.

It might be surprising to know that 'Spiritual Emergency' is actually included as a condition in the DSM-V, leading psychiatrists to distinguish between it and psychopathology in certain cases.

[Jaibigrone907]

No I am not having issues with my sense of reality at all. I am spiritual person, I experience things, due to my circumstances, it's all specific repercussion from being wrongly diagnosed with the Schizophrenia & Psychosis history. I do not want medication and I absolutely do not need any pharmaceuticals that are detrimental and that have already ruined my health vulnerability and my body. 

I was a believer in Christianity and the Bible since 2003 and I was only eight years old back then, I knew since 2007 when I was twelve years old, that I was too Americanized in many ways. Australia doesn't have my fundamentalist personality, there's no cultural pluralism in Australian society, it's only secular atheist, agnostic world views and only mainstream progressive, democratic political thinking. The only religious community in Australia are expat Islamic, Muslim's and their not the same religion as me, otherwise their not even widely accepted by the cultural attitude of Australian's. 

A documentary like that would not only be relatable, it would have aspects that are virtually undermining me and my truth.

I have to constantly digest and channel other peoples emotions and opinions through my conscious, it's not the psychologist I had to experience in 2021, it's otherwise the psychiatrist she worked along side. I have to constantly have my intelligence insulted, their laughing about me and invalidating who I'm allowed to be as that I'm different. 

It makes me sick how the world sais to be yourself and live by your own values, but then your controversial if your not typical. It's a world where everything is subjective to the next individual, but then not to society, when they make anything under a mainstream consensus, any social norms, customs, regional world views, any xenophobic nationality limitations is complete conformity. 

The world is the one that's crazy, they divert their insecurities on the next person and try to act like their perfect, when their not. I have wrote countless dot points, to why I'm against psychiatry and it's only controversial, because people are too dumb to actually believe or agree to certain things, that I know are the truth. Psychiatry is a criminal practice, all towards their abundant wealth and the medications are flawed man made poison, you get awarded no compensation, the whole system is rigged.