I have so many reasons to keep my chin up but I just can't, I wonder if there is hope?

[pixiee]

Hi, I am new here. And I am looking for advice please? I have seen so many counsellors over the years, I don't even remember all their names.

I feel like I am unlucky, it is as if I feel the world is hunting me down and I can't escape it. Depression just lurks in the corners of me mind, haunting me.

My mother refused to leave her abusive husband, who hurt her and myself for years. I had to end the relationship with her 2 months ago and I miss her so much. I feel as if I have abandoned her, and she had a son with this abusive man who I also feel I have abandoned.

I have a deadly auto-immune disease waiting in my body waiting to strike up again. I have so many reasons to keep my chin up but I just can't, I wonder if there is hope?

A better future?

Does it get better?

Will I be able to sleep without nightmares?

Can my mind get better?

I just got engaged in January and I wonder if I should delay the wedding or continue to see it through? Can I put this incredible man, now fiance through this? Will he be happy and content living with a morbid wife?

So many people don't understand depression, and I am hoping that someone out there does. If so, do you have a hope to get you through?

How do you get through the day, what motivates you to keep going?

[geoff]

dear Pixie, I'd like to welcome you to this site and posting a comment which is a sad one but rather complicated.

I believe that this chap could be your step dad, and sorry if he is actually your dad, but the fact that he has abused your mum as well as yourself is both pointless and also disgusting.

Your mum might be scared to leave him and I would think that he has control over her, but this is another issue and not what you have really posted about.

Your depression would always be ignited by what he has done to her and yourself and that you want your mum to leave him, but she has had a son to him who I would think would be living at home with her.

When you think of it you haven't abandoned your mum because contact can still be made with her, but your concern for her is what troubles you.

So at the moment these are your problems and they are serious:-

-abusive s/dad

-moving away from your mum

- auto-immune disease

-finance

These aren't in any particular order, but each one of them are a major problem, and I realise that your auto-immune disease is lurking in the back ground and a constant threat, so I'd like to know how this is being tackled, and how your finance is also handling it.

What I would like you to do is click 'Get Support' on the top of this page where there is a list of doctors who will be able to refer you to a counsellor who deals with depression and medical problems.

These professionals are aligned with BB and specifically treat issues with depression.

Your depression is coming from 4 angles here and each and everyone of these are just as important, probably with the last 2 being more prominent, but can I say that you have a man you truly love, just as he does for you, he knows all these concerns and is committed to marry you, and for this is what we hope for.

Get treatment for your auto-immune disease as well as your depression.

I have only been general here and not addressed your post as far as I'm concerned, so hope to hear back from you. L Geoff. x

[White_Rose]

Dear Pixiee

First of all, welcome to the Beyond Blue community. The many people who write in here have all sorts of experiences and will no doubt be answering some of your questions.

First of all I need to say that depression does all sorts of horrible things to your mind and brain. Your feelings that the world is out to get you, nightmares, wondering if you are good enough for your partner, or anyone for that matter, second guessing yourself on your decisions, are all a part of depression. It is indeed a horrible beast.

Secondly I think it would help if become more informed about depression and how it works. Explore the tabs at the top of the page and read about depression and its effects. BB will send you any of the information you want. Get to know your depression because that makes it easier to get over.

Then look at your various situations. Try to imagine they are happening to someone else and what advice you would give that person. Let me ask you a few questions. Why do you and your fiancé want to get married? It's a serious question. I am guessing the answer is that you love each other. If not then don't bother.

Does your fiancé know about your family situation and your potential illness? What does he think? Has he indicated he's not "up for it"?  We have the best intentions in the world toward the people we love and we want to shield them from harm and pain. But it is not our right to do that. If your fiancé wants to marry you and is well aware of the current and potential problems, then go ahead. He is presumably old enough to make his own decisions. You want to marry him?

There are no guarantees in life. Without trying to be morbid, what if you had none of these difficulties and you got married. Then one of you got collected by the proverbial truck. Would the other person be distressed? Of course, but as it was not foreseeable what could you do? The only alternative is to marry no one in case something bad happens. That's really the logical end to the discussion.

As I said, depression sets you up for all sorts of illogical thoughts. It wants to retain the status quo and you want to change. Point out who is boss. You or the Black Dog.

I do not have characters left to talk about your mom in this post. When you write back I will offer my thoughts.  By the way I gather you live in Brisbane. I had the same storm yesterday and got 160 mls of rain (over three inches).

Regards

Mary