I have depression and he has cancer

[Izzyly]

I have had clinical depression for over 20 years. I manage it with medication and a very supportive partner. Now he has cancer and I can't support him the way he needs. I just cry all the time which is no good for him. What dan I do?

[geoff]

dear Izzyly, this must be so upsetting, as it's such a sad situation that goes beyond anyone's control, you didn't want to get depression and certainly your partner didn't want to have cancer, because both of these are such strong illness's that just appear out of nowhere.
I am worried that you may have a relapse, which seems to be happening, but with your partner all you can do is return the support that he has given to you, the doctors are the only ones who are able to medical help him, but still tell him that you love him, however I'm not sure how advanced his cancer has become, and please I mean no harm by saying that, but I certainly believe that you should go and see your psych for them to give you coping measures for this very situation.
I also hope that your partner will be able to beat this disease and would love to hear back from you. Geoff. x

[Croix]

Dear Lzzly~

I had a wife that did after 9 months in hospital, so I know a little about how things can be.

First off my wife had always been most loving and supportive to me, I had PTSD and she looked after me then, and later. We had a great relationship.

Why am I telling you all this? Because my wife did not change with her illness, she was, right up close to the end, still the person that felt her place in life involved loving and caring for her partner, gave her a feeling of self-worth among other things I guess.

Your support is, I suppose, two different sorts of things. The first is love, nothing more. If your partner feels that, it will be a blessing for him. The second sort is hands-on. Going to the chemist, perhaps getting him to chemo if that is part of it, dong what's needed in practical terms.

For all of this you need to be in good shape - I needed to be and my concern gave me motivation and strength - even if I felt terrible inside. As Geoff suggests, if it was me, I'd talk matters over in a long appointment with your GP or your pysch. See what coping strategies they can come up with. how to deal with bursts of grief and helplessness as they happen.

Like Geoff, I hope your partner pulls though, some medical procedures are tons better nowadays, my own wife passed away over 20 years ago, so it's not the same now.

Please post as often as you want, we are here.

Croix