I hate myself

[Pingu56]

I'm 20 years old and hate everything in my life I have no friends, no relationships at all I'm alone what is wrong with me. I mean I know people that I work (also absolutely loathe being at my job) with but they want nothing to do with me it's just a work relationship and believe me I've tried to make friends there but it ain't happening. I don't care about anything and if I do try to care I quickly figure out that I don't and give up because everything just seems so meaningless and such a waste of time. When tell family or someone that I know no one all they say is find a hobby or join a club or meetup groups or something but the truth is that just doesn't work for it's impossible I can't have anything and I don't think i ever will.

Sorry if doesn't make sense I'm just trying to get it out there.

[MissBenthos]

Hi Pingu,

It does make sense, I feel you. It takes a lot of strength to keep going when in this type of situation, so kudos to you for continuing to fight. When I first bought up depression with my family they had a similar reaction, jumping straight to "fix it" mode: have you tried a, b, c? What about d? Make sure you do x, y, z every day too. WHOA! I know they have good intentions, but man, that is too overwhelming. I just needed to know that they would be there and make me feel heard.

What do you think you need from your family when you talk to them about this?

[Pingu56]

To be honest it just feels nice to be heard sometimes I don't really expect anything from them I mean there's nothing they can really do all they want is for to be happy which is great and all but just being happy isn't how it works. To use an analogy I've always felt my sadness is like driving through deep muddy road that's covered in grass, you can see that the mud is there and you have nowhere else to go but through it and think surely it can't go on forever but you don't know how long or even how deep the mud goes on for, you just have keep going but keeping on going is incredibly difficult. I have never had suicidal thoughts and won't ever I won't let myself get to that I refuse to give up like that I just want to know when it stops.

[MissBenthos]

It might be worth letting your family know that’s all you need when you then these things so they know how to respond?

I love your attitude of refusing to give up. I wonder what drives it? Even through all that horrible mud, what keeps you going?