I hate art

phightingphan

Art is probably one of the only good coping mechanisms I have in life. For as long as I can remember, I've loved to just... pick up a pencil and draw. Or open up a drawing application and draw on it.

However, lately, for the past year or so, I've started to despise drawing. I can never draw the way I want, and I'm aware I need to actually practice the fundamentals and practice and whatnot, but I have 0 energy and drive to do these things. Making art and seeing how ugly or disproportionate it is has genuinely caused me to have multiple breakdowns, because I realise how far behind I'm falling. I was so convinced I was ahead of other kids my age in art, but then going onto the internet and seeing the masterpieces people YOUNGER than me can make destroys me. "Be happy for them!" Like it's that easy for me, oh my GOD?? I try my best to be confident in my skills, but it is so soul-crushing to see that everyone else can somehow grasp these things that I'm unable to.

I've tried to study a few times before, but I can never create study routines or good practice methods, or do things that actually stick in my brain, and it's like... am I missing something?? Is there just something wrong in my brain that doesn't let me understand/do these things? This is also the reason I'm falling academically. Studying is something that seems to come easier to others, but never to me. It is impossible, and when I try it, it's unenjoyable. It is NEVER fun. Which, I guess, you would assume it would be, but studying anything feels like hell. I refuse to learn anything at all.

I've seen people say that I don't need to study art, but I want to! I want to get better, and I want to understand these things I just... can't. It's likely a matter of me having a very fixed mindset; I'm aware of it, too. But once again, I can never get up to fix it.

Do you understand how it feels to see something I thought I was so good at, something I put endless hours into, being done 10x better by another teenager? Someone in the same position as I, someone who has lived the same time I have, someone who can do it better than I ever could dream of. It's not a competition, I'm aware, if anything, I should only be improving for myself, right? I know these things, but I can't believe them.

I'm losing my passion.

I hate art.

Croix

Dear phightingphan~

Welcome back and I"m sorry you feel htat way abut your efforts.

You hade discussions and good advice in your other thread

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/depression/i-don-t-know-what-to-do/m-p/616006#M56165

so I'm not going to repeat them.

If there is a chance you have depression and/or ADHD please go see your GP and get tested. It may ease some of your harsher judgements on yourself about study and possible depression.

Art is very much in the eye of the beholder and judgments are most often made between different schools, Constable vs Picasso for example. I'm not sure you can compare yourself wiht others, it may not be valid.

As you would like to study the basics of are but don't feel you are able to do so this may be a result of your metal state or PTSD if appropriate. Can I suggest in your own time you pick on an artist you really like and then look into that person's life history, the techniques -if pencil how held, the softness used and the shading, then if appropriate perspective and so on.

I include their life as nobody makes art in a vacuum, it is made while dealing with life and this can make for big changes and ideas. your life will influence you what you portray and how you did it.

There will be nobody to compare your abilities with others.

I wish you luck

Croix

randomxx

Hi there op , and really sorry about how your feeling.

Just wanna say though bc although much older than you l was also into art since a kid . Later, around 35ish, l finally became a full time painter artist, was my lifes dream to at least try it and become it but you know what, 8yrs later, l hated the life, and l hated being an artist.

My head was constantly in a damn mess over art like yours is now, it became so stupid to me l was much happier just being a working person before and l even started envying just everyday working people. So simple/at peace, compared to art and l eventually quit.

Pls don't let that dishearten you ok that's not why l'm telling it but only so you know your not alone and things you describe are so so typical in art and in artists even the best of them so ease up on yourself hey.

As much as we love our art and doing our art, sometimes, we gotta remember to that it is only art so why do we stress so much but even the best in the world stressed like crazy over their art. There's always someone better, someone worse, always some new thing, they're doing this they're doing that on and on.

Before l finally became an artist, l didn't even pick up a pencil or brush since l was 15, l'd completely stopped and the weirdest thing was it did me good.

When l finally started again, the art that just come out all on it;'s own l didn't even know from where and 10 x better stuff than l ever did in my life before. Your art can kinda mature inside all on it's own, when we just walk away for awhile, do other things, live and enjoy life. lt's weird but it can.

Don't be afraid to walk away ok , take a break. 6 mths a yr 10 yrs or 20 like mine was, it'll still be there never worry about that and when you pick up again maybe better than you ever dreamed. Funny, my daughters 23 and was a mad artist all through since kinda but she's actually walked away to atm.Said she'll pick it up again one, other things she wants to do now.

One other really important thing l found was to that you can't force art, the best comes on it's own, just like a song it's inspired when it just is , yaknow.

Same with practicing and expectations, sometimes a break and just forgetting about it for a bit, go do something else, improves us much better than forcing things ever will.

Anyway, hope you get something from this and pleaseeee, ease up yourself hey.

Take care and happy Christmas.

rx.

therising

Hi phightingphan

Rx and Croix offer a lot of great things to consider. It definitely pays to wonder about a whole variety of things that can account for certain struggles or challenges.

With art being a brilliant and even soulful form of self expression, I haven't expressed myself artistically for many years. As a once passionate painter and drawer, my focus shifted a long time ago to other forms of self expression. Will I come back to art? Probably. In what form? I have no idea but once an artist always an artist. It's something that never leaves us. I actually used to be envious of people who could draw or paint in such lifelike ways until I considered 'What is a natural?', in regard to such an ability. Could also ask 'Am I an artistic savant or not?'. Personally, I would have to learn how to program my brain when it comes to all that stuff like perspective, tone etc. Btw, when downloading a program into our brain, it's gotta be one we can relate to. For example, while one art teacher can teach us how to draw faces in a way that our brain just doesn't get, another teacher can show us how to do it in a way that leads us to think 'That makes complete sense'. Pays to find the best teachers. Bit of a YouTube search could eventually lead you to the best teacher for you. Something else to consider are 'blocks'. Kinda like you could be a natural at drawing faces but you don't have the key to unlocking or unblocking that natural ability. Someone gives you the key and then, BAMM, you're off and running. The key could be 'perspective' or the key could be 'How to draw eyes'. You gain that specific key through learning and then are able to unlock the ability to draw any face.

One of the things that tends to trigger me about the school system involves a lack of imagination. Not a lot is taught through the imagination. When you have students out there who learn best through imagination (typically visual learners), the system in general is not largely designed to serve such students. When you consider it, that's pretty messed up when there are so many highly imaginative students out there. While my son has an absolutely mind blowing imagination and can recall an enormous amount of fascinating facts, his imagination and memory recall are stunning. In the last couple of years of secondary school he struggled horribly. While his year 12 biology teacher was brilliant in how she led him to imagine certain elements of biology and brilliant when it came to making the work fascinating, the teachers in the years that preceded year 12 taught through basic powerpoint slides and textbook learning, which was boring and unimaginative. He struggled in year 12 because he was never able to absorb some of the basics of biology before year 12. He said he would have blitzed biology if he's had his year 12 biology teacher from the start. The reason I mention this is because you can be a truly great student matched with a boring unimaginative teacher. Such a student is not a failure, it's the school that's failed to teach them in the best ways possible. Students can often beat themselves up for what is not their fault. I believe one of the most important questions a student can ask is 'What's my learning style?'. Bit of a Google search reveals the different learning styles and therefor some of the reasons for the struggles.