I find it hard to justify seeking help, as it doesn't seem serious enough

[RKP87]

Apologies if this a long post..

I'm finding myself back in a place that I seem to get every few months or so. Its a complicated feeling, i wouldn't say i'm emotional, i wouldn't say i'm sad, if anything, i have no real emotion, not sad, not happy. I withdraw when i'm in these moods, i don't want to leave the house if i can avoid it, i stop going to training because i don't want to be around the people, i avoid social gatherings. Any confrontation that i might have with someone will leave my completely drained and emotionless for at least a day or two. Today i just couldn't handle work, just had this anxious feeling i couldn't get rid for a few hours.

The problem is, these moods on any given day can be normal. I start to wonder if i'm over complicating, trying to look too deeply for a solution to a problem that could be solved simply. Maybe i'm just more comfortable on my own. Maybe i'm not sleeping well because i always have to get up a 5am for work. Maybe its normal to not feel strong feelings either way for your fiancee for weeks at a time.

I can usually just get through being rational. I know i care for my fiancee, and i am grateful for the life we are building. And every now and then i do feel strong feelings of love for her. i can get through work without emotion, because its just a series of problems to solve. I'm not a zombie, i am still capable of laughing at a joke, i still see my parents on the weekend, i'm not constantly miserable. I see a problem, i come up with a solution.

But i keep coming back here, where I realise i have been completely unemotional for the past week or two, been completely unmotivated to do anything other than what i need to do, but feeling no joy about it. Where everyone seems to irritate me, but i cant handle any confrontation without it draining me. It doesn't feel extreme, but it has repeated itself time and time again for years. One time when i was 18 i packed all my things and tried moved interstate to get away from everyone, family and friends. After 3 months i came back once i realised i didn't hate being around them.

Is this depression? is it possible to have less extreme cases, where it doesn't end relationships or careers, but stops you from socialising, or makes you unable to reciprocate feelings of love and joy for a time? I have seeked medical advice before, but its not an easy thing to explain to a GP in a 15min session. Once time it was a disaster, one GP diagnosed me with bipolar (after ONE consultation) and put me on medication which turned me into a complete zombie for two days before i got a second opinion. Ironically, once i came off the medication it seemed to snap me out of it. I guess i just want to see if people can relate to what i'm feeling. I just find it hard to justify seeking help, as it doesn't seem serious enough, but then again, i'm sick of having to drag myself out of a slump every 2 months.

[Neil_1]

Hi RKP87  

Firstly welcome to Beyond Blue – it’s always such a positive step for people to come here and to reach out for support.  And that is what you’ll receive here in bucket fulls.  Plenty of kind hearted support and as best we can advice as well.  

And no need to apologise at all on this site … people are all treated the same and there is no judging of anyone here … and people can write in to whinge, complain, vent, etc and it’s all good.  It’s a therapeutic kind of help as well because sometimes it can just help to write things down to get them off your chest.  

I’m really sorry to hear that your one appointment with a GP didn’t go well … and it’s kind of a human trait isn’t it, when the first/initial impression isn’t a good one, that it leaves a bad message for any future dealings in that area.

I do think that you are suffering from some kind of mental illness … and perhaps it is depression, but not at the full on variety … which is VERY good for you.  I would still suggest that you do get yourself along to a GP and can I suggest RKP that you do some investigation on this site.  Beyond Blue have listed a whole host of GP’s here for people to access and look up … and hopefully you can find one or more in your local area.  The thing about these GP’s is that they are all trained in dealing with mental health issues.  Now with what you’re describing there may be a fair chance that you won’t even need to be put onto any medications … you may simply be given some coping techniques/skills to apply at times when you’re feeling how you’ve described above.  But I think it’s definitely worth checking out … especially as it seems that it’s at a kind of low level … get it seen to now, before it potentially escalates.

I assume that your fiancee knows of how you’re travelling with these issues that you’re experiencing?   What would be very beneficial to you is that if she does know and that she then can prove to be a support to you.

RKP, I hope some of my post has helped you and I would really like to hear from you again if you feel ok to do so.

Kind regards

Neil

[geoff]

dear RKP, I am so pleased that our friend Neil has replied to you first, as he has the knowledge and experience to show the way.

From what you have said is that you're in for a fight against this illness, however there are signs that indicate it's trying it's hardest to bring you down, so there a couple of issues which I would like to think about, 1) when you are at your parents place and appear to enjoy a joke etc, I wonder whether it's not a fake exterior that you are showing, or maybe too frightened to let on, 2) by looking for a solution and then by analysing this problem, is something that happens when we first become depressed, because all of a sudden our mind becomes a little confused, because the answer doesn't happen as it usually would before, so we go seeking for this answer.

I do agree with Neil that you have some mental illness brewing away, and it's never pleasant to say that to anyone, but on here it's meant in total sincerity  and nothing else, and although I am NO professional I don't believe that you have bipolar, quote, unquote.

What I am concerned about is that by being in a commitment for life is that your finance understands this period in your life has become tentative, and even more so that it can be overcome, because it wasn't your fault for getting this debilitating illness.

I hope that you can continue this post, because it's a very interesting one. Geoff.

[IHI]

Hi RKP87,

Nothing wrong with you. I'm the same. I used to think the same too. There must be something wrong with me. Over the years I've come to the decision that I just need to be away from it all & just have me time. Unfortunately it does come across rude to a lot of people who don't understand. Today my best friend yelled at me for not spending enough time with her. She doesn't get it, even though she's known me for some years now. I managed to get myself through work, but everyone knows something is wrong. I force myself to go out & be social otherwise I'll become a hermit like I did when I was younger. It takes a lot of energy to snap out of it. Eventually you can tell when it's going to happen. I let all my loved ones know so they can be helpful instead of yelling at me when I withdraw myself from the world for some time. My best friend is still learning. My family is very supportive but they've known me all their lives of course.

You'll get there eventually. Just make sure to communicate as much as you can about what's going on in your head.

Hope my little story helps.