i feel worthless and have no future

[liamp]

Ok, so I come on to this site to make a thread about my situation I don't feel comfortable talking about it to my parents from what I know they don't understand what I'm going through ever since I have been around 10 I have suffered badly with OCD and been a grim freak, which has taken over my life and coming into my teenage years I got really bad anxiety and I couldn't focus on school or get interested in it because of my anxiety I dropped out of year 11 it was too much for me to deal with and I didn't get any help before I dropped out which I regret I thought dropping out would help my anxiety not been around a lot of people and working for my dad, but working for him for 2 years now my life has gone downhill allot, I'm 20 now and I don't have a drivers license and the people that work for my dad give my lot of anxiety because the way they go about things and there life style I don't really have any friends anymore, I kind of pushed them away because they got into drugs and partying alot not really my kind of thing I lock myself away in my room playing video games and I love playing video games been doing it for most of my life it gives me a distraction from life and reality but my parents see it as a waste of time and been addicted the point I am at now is that I have no education, no drivers license and no future in life I have interest in anything to do for a job other than playing video games I really want to be successful and I have a vision, but I really don't know what to do and work is getting harder for me every week and I'm scared to tell my dad I want to leave my job because of my feelings I feel worthless and my time is running out everything I have written is not everything going on in my life there's a bit more about my work and other things and I'm not really good at explaining it sorry.

[Aegretudo_Egretudo]

Sorry to hear you're feeling this way. Your words took me back to when I was your age, I'm 36 now & have lived with anxiety + depression since I was 15, at 20 I felt I had no future & would never have the confidence to go out in the world. However things will get easier provided you are willing to take some big steps in order to move forward. You didn't mention whether you have sought help for your OCD tendencies or anxiety. It's a good place to start & that step is always the hardest. You have recognised that gaming is a problem for you, I'd suggest scaling back, maybe by half an hour each day to begin with. Use that time to exercise, take a walk, breathe some fresh air. Change won't happen unless you allow it & secreting yourself away in your room playing in an alternate reality will not facilitate change. You need to face your reality, this may mean a difficult conversation with your parents & filling them in on how you're feeling. They may surprise you. You say they don't understand what you're going through but as a parent I can say sometimes it's not the understanding that is lacking but the acceptance, no parent wants to accept that their child is broken. With time & lots of dialogue they will start to accept & find greater understanding. A good tip to get yourself out of a rut is to set realistic goals & chip away at them, saying I want to be successful & have a vision is great but you need to break that down. That might be 'today I will get a road rules handbook & study with an aim to take my test in a month', another goal may be, research realistic career & study opportunities, deep down there must be other things besides gaming that you like. Look at what that may be & set a goal of applying for courses. At 20 I had no licence, no friends, limited career choices & lived in my own anxiety bubble where tv was the world I escaped to. Eventually I set myself small goals like I suggested & put myself in situations where my anxiety was tested, sometimes this ended in tears but typically in triump as I began to realise that I could control my anxiety rather than letting it control me. Fast forward 15 years; I managed to get a licence, studied & graduated to be a Registered Nurse which I've been doing for 10 years, travelled around the world, made some friends & generally improved my life. It isn't perfect & never will be but I'm grateful that I decided one day that enough was enough & I took control, I hope you can find the strength to do the same, x. 

[Smeg]

Hi there,  I've been through social anxiety most of my life and it was worse when I left high school after being bullied and started home school! I would cry every day and get very panicked leaving the house, I didn't get better until I started on medicine - it made me feel normal again but did take a few months, might be an idea to ask your doctor next time you go! It's the only thing that saved me hope this helps... You will be ok 

[white knight]

Hi liamp, welcome

You might not feel successful with some things but in a way you are exaggerating things in your own mind and that wont help you. eg not having a drivers license should not be seen by anyone as being a sign of being inferior. Many people don't have one and some never get one.

You do have a lot going for you. You are not wanting drugs- big plus but I understand at your age this makes you feel as the minority, not popular and isolated, but it is a good thing and be proud you have resisted doing them. Pat yourself on the back when its earned- be kind to yourself.

Workmates- I worked for 40 years and retired 3 years ago, and I never ended up with one workmate as a friend. That should indicate to you that workmates are not very important. You work with them and then go home, leave it at that.

ok so your schooling didn't work out, so try other things, get your fork lift license or storemans qualification, security guard license, crowd controller, work part time on weekends doing these jobs so it allows you more choices as job offers come in. More money allows you more things to do to make you happier like travel. Join a sport like volleyball, line dancing or footy/tennis. Be active. Try things!!

They say "life is what you make it" I can prove to you that this is true. There is only one person capable of making your life successful with variety...you.

Tony WK

[ci]

Hi liamp

I to have ocd so I understand how hard it can be. I left school in year 11 also cut that doesn't mean it's the end of the road for you. 

Your future isn't defined by how far wowing at school you could go on to further studies or try online studies. I'm 34 and this year I'm going back to study at uni. It's terrifying but also empowering to try and gain my life back from my ocd. It is an awful thing that likes to destroy dreams but believe me it doesn't have to. I found the more I gave in and avoided things because of my ocd the worse I felt. I feel sense of worth when challenging it as hard as it is to challenge. 

Do you have a job that you feel like you would enjoy? 

Not sure where you are but have you looked to see if you have a ocd support group in your area maybe meet some people with similar experience might help you to make few true friends?

It can be hard for people to understand ocd it's not there fault but frustrating for us. I very open and honest about my ocd people can be taken back by it but I've found people around me have tried a bit harder to understand it because I'm so open about it if that makes sense.

[Juliet_84]

Dear Liamp,

I'm sorry to hear your having such a tough time with your anxiety. I understand how not having your license can also feel like just another insurmountable obstacle. I got my license in my late 20s and up until that point I honestly felt like I'd never be able to do it. But as with all things it was hardest at the very start and then before I knew it I could do it. I didn't have anyone to teach me so I booked the lessons and did it that way. Sometimes it just takes 20 seconds of insane courage to do something 🙂 If you really enjoy video games, is there some way that you could work your future around it. Are there any gaming type jobs? If you could harness that interest maybe you could make a real go of things. I'm sorry if these things weren't helpful, I'm just trying to help with practical solutions to your problems.