I feel so alone

[anonymous24]

I’ve never posted anywhere like this at all, but it’s gotten to the point where I genuinely feel I have no one else to talk to. I’ve always been too embarrassed to open up to anyone about my mental health and I struggled to even admit it to myself, I guess because I’m scared people will see me differently. Idk what I’m expecting from this, or if anyone will see this or reply, but I’m just going to write out what I’m struggling with because I don’t know what else to do.

I think my ‘depression’ (I’m not diagnosed or anything but idk what else to call it) started after my parents split up. My Dad was emotionally abusive and borderline physical. About a year after the messy, contested, and honestly traumatic divorce, dad repartnered and moved in with his new gf after knowing her for about 2 months and without even introducing her to me, or my little brother or sister. Ive tried to maintain my relationship with my dad even tho I’m the only one who makes the effort and despite having to live with her as a consequence, making that so emotionally straining for me. She yelled at me once when she overheard a conversation between my dad and I about how I was uncomfortable having to live with her, and dad didn’t stand up for me, and I haven’t gone back to their house since. He hasn’t tried to get in contact with me since then. It feels like he’s choosing his new girlfriend over me, his daughter. That moment broke my heart, and he doesn’t seem to care.

I also have literally one close friend. One of my best friends of over 10 years has chosen to cut me off, and my best friend of the past 3 years has decided it would ‘be best if we didn’t see each other one on one.’ These 2 girls have formed a group with a few other girls from my year level that really don’t like me, and it feels like I’m being cut off from my best friends and excluded from a friendship group at the same time. As a result I’m basically completely alone and have no friends.

I have basically no one, but the one best friend I do have also happens to be my ex, who I’ve recently fallen back in love with. I’m so dependant on him for my happiness and it’s so messed up bc no one deserves that. I’m trying to get over him bc he’s made it clear he’s fully over me but how am I supposed to get over someone when they’re the only person I’m spending my time with?

Idk there’s so much more but there’s a character limit and I think I’ve already passed it.

Please help me I don’t know what the point is anymore.

[Sophie_M]

Hey anonymous24,
  Welcome to the forums, we are so glad that you've taken a big step in sharing your thoughts and feelings here with our wonderful community. We're so sorry to hear that you're feeling so alone, but please know that you've come to safe, non-judgemental space to talk things through and our community is here to offer as much support, advice and conversation as you need.

We understand it can be really tough to cope sometimes, especially if you struggle to open up or don't have a lot of support from family or friends. But you don't have to keep these feelings bottled up inside, there is always support avaiulable for you. If you would like to talk these feelings through, or would like some help finding mental health support, you are always welcome to get in touch with our Beyond Blue Support Service, which is available 24/7 on 1300 22 4636 or get in touch through Webchat 3pm-12am AEST here: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport One of our friendly counsellors can offer you some support but also provide you with advice and referrals for seeing a counsellor in a more ongoing way if this is something you feel would be beneficial. ​​​​​​​Many in our community have experienced similar feelings and will be able to talk through these feelings with you. Please feel free to keep us updated here on your thread and let us know how you're going, whenever you feel up to it.
 

[KM11]

Hi anonymous,

I’m so sorry to hear that your parents have broken up. And that it went nasty.
I had a similar situation happen to me last year. My dad cheated on my mum with a much younger girl and now that chick is trying to get revenge from my dad. My parents are still together but she’s trying so hard to mess it up a lot more.

I also understand that you have no one! I’m literally the same. I have one bestfriend but I work with her. I’ve noticed that I’m trying to bring my work life into my own life. And out of work I have no friends. Being alone sucks. And in this difficult time yes we can’t go out and have fun. But you just gotta find things you love to do. Yep I’m finding that hard as well. But we will eventually get there.

May I ask... Are you living with your dad or your mum?
because for me I got my own rental so I could escape the negatives. It’s hard because I wanted to be there for my mum. But you can’t let yourself be involved because it hurts you.

I hope this really helps you