I feel like I can't talk to anyone, because I feel I'm not being listened

AceCowboy · ‎02-01-2022

As the title says, I've found myself in a rut that I cannot seem to find a way out of. I suffer from anxiety and depression, and I have serious trust issues stemming from mental abuse from my mother. I also feel like I've failed in life, as I have basically given up any interest I've had because of toxic people, with nobody there to help me or encourage me to continue. Even now, I'm overweight, no matter how much exercise and dieting I do. Work at a horrible job where people are trying to get me fired. And no friends/relationships to talk to. I've been to 3 different therapists, and all 3 have not helped. Every time I try to talk to someone about it, I mostly get people disinterested to hear it, or they downplay what I say as "attention seeking" or stupid. The very few people that will listen, I feel they are not seeing things how I describe it, and tend to go in circles around the issue and ultimately not getting anywhere. Only for them at times to get fed up and claim "I'm don't want their advice". Sometimes I feel like maybe my mother was right, that I'm worthless and people would be better off if I were gone

Sophie_M · ‎02-01-2022

Hi AceCowboy,

Welcome to our friendly online community. We are grateful that you have reached out here today as we know it can be tough to do this for the first time. We are so sorry to hear that you are feeling worthless and are struggling with your depression and anxiety. We understand that this feeling must be overwhelming, especially when you are trying to get help from therapists and friends but are not feeling understood. Please know that you do not have to do this alone. Many in our community have had similar feelings and understand. Hopefully a few of them will pop by and offer you some words of kindness and advice.

We think it's really strong of you and so important that you have been so proactive in recognising you need some help and seeking it. It’s unfortunate that you did not find much help from the three therapists that you worked with, hopefully there are others that will have a better understanding of your issues and can explore them in ways that work with you.
We acknowledge that your situation must be an overwhelming situation for you, so we just wanted to let you know that there is help available to you.

The Beyond Blue Support Service on 1300 22 4636 or our friends at Lifeline on 13 11 14 are available to provide support and advice 24/7. Please do feel free to use these services to talk through what's on your mind when it's feeling like too much to cope with.

Please also feel free to keep us updated here on your thread with what you are feeling and experiencing whenever you feel up to it - we hope that you find this to be a safe and non-judgmental space.

sbella02 · ‎02-01-2022

Hey AceCowboy,

Thank you so much for your post, and a warm welcome to our forums.

I'm sorry to hear that your friends aren't being receptive or understanding to you opening up about your struggles. We all deserve to have people in our life who will listen to us with patience, acceptance, and without judgement. If you're looking for a place to find new people to connect with, you could always try searching for state/area-specific Facebook groups, and form either online or real-life friendships in a safe and cautious manner. I know of a few groups that are specific to where I live, and there are always people looking for new friends and connections. Online friends may also be a fantastic source of support, without the obligation of having in-person meetups. Discord is a great resource for these kinds of friendships.

You are definitely not worthless, I can tell you that right now. Every human life is valuable, including yours. You're also not alone in your feeling of being stuck in a rut; particularly after the pandemic, I know of a lot of people going through very similar situations, or at least a lot more people being vocal about their struggles.

I understand that you've been to a few therapists, all of whom haven't been much help. Have you tried your GP, a counsellor or psychologist? You may even find that it'll take you a while to find a mental health professional who you really connect with and who can help you work through your struggles in a way that feels personal and productive. From experience, it's always worth changing to see somebody else if you're not happy, to ensure that you receive the best possible support.

In the meantime, do you think that it would be worthwhile to seek another job? From the context you have given, I understand that you do not enjoy being at your current workplace. If you would like to find another job, you may have to tough out your current job for just a little while longer until you find somewhere else where you enjoy working and are respected and supported by the people around you.

I hope I can offer you some words of encouragement, and that it gives you some kind of solace knowing that you're not alone through your struggles.

Also, from experience, please don't give up your interests. Especially when you're not in the greatest headspace, engaging in these can be so rewarding and fulfilling. I believe in you!

Please feel free to keep chatting to us! We're also here to support you.

All the best, SB

AceCowboy · ‎02-01-2022

Hi sbella02,

Thank you for the reply and I appreciate the advice and kind words. However, in the risk of doing what I stated earlier about people getting fed up and claim I don't want to take their advice, some of the examples you have provided are stuff I have tried before, with not the results I was hoping for. I've been on a few Discord groups, where some people have flat out told me I'm seeking attention and told me to leave. I don't join up things and immediately state my problems without warning, just in case you think that. But the moment I even mention anything about not feeling fine, it became negative. There are other groups I have joined, but I don't speak much, because I don't want a similar treatment.

Even outdoor activities, I have tried and something tends to eventually happen. I have tried pro wrestling in the past (where my username stems from) and have been told "Everyone has problems, so your sh*t doesn't matter" by my trainer. I'm currently playing Ice Hockey, which I'm heavily enjoying. But my last game, I made 1 mistake trying to score a goal, and was constantly told how horrible I was, despite scoring a goal and 2 assists earlier. Stuff like that reminds me of what my mother said and makes me want to give up, even though I know it will be worse.

I should have put more detail my original post, but yes I have seen a GP and my 3 therapists were psychologists. I generally lump them in the same group, even though they are different jobs. I've also been switched to higher dosages of medication a few times, to varied results.

I have made preparations in looking for new work. In my current job, I'm essentially working 5 different job roles all at the same time, which I try as best as I can do. But with that amount of work, I still get threats of coworkers trying to sabotage my work, threats to be attacked, called homophobic slurs, and even have been punched once. I've reported this stuff, but nothing ever happens. So while I'm trying to tough it out, it's becoming harder.

But I do appreciate your kind works. Thank you

sbella02 · ‎16-01-2022

AceCowboy,

It's fantastic that you've tried Discord, I'm sorry to hear about your experience on it. If you haven't tried it out yet, my other suggestion would be Reddit, which can be a bit hit or miss sometimes if I'm honest. It's not really a chat site exclusively, but it is great for finding people with similar interests and experiences.

That's fantastic to hear that you're looking for new work, well done. I'm so sorry that you're receiving threats, being called homophobic slurs, and being physically assaulted. If you haven't already, I would probably also see if you can have a chat to Fair Work Australia (assuming you live in Aus) and learn what your entitlements are as a result of your experiences there, what further action to take on these matters, and the steps involved. If you feel comfortable, that is. It's totally up to you.

I will say, it's impressive that you're working 5 different job roles at the same time, but it sounds to me like this is a toxic workplace for you. If you do end up finding a new job, I hope it offers some relief from your current one.

Also, I know that "attention-seeking" is often used with a negative connotation but I really don't think it's a bad thing, everyone deserves attention. Especially when it comes to your mental health and happiness, I think it's okay to seek attention because it's a way of letting people know that you have a need that isn't being met.

With regards to seeing a mental health professional, is there somebody you're seeing at the moment? If so, do you feel like they're meeting your needs exactly how you require? If you find that the answer is no, I would push to find somebody who can understand your experience and give you the support you deserve.

You've got this.

All the best, SB