I feel different from other people

DefiantPanda · ‎17-01-2016

I feel like I almost always have different points of view on things. I tell myself that other people don't understand where I'm coming from, that they're being overly harsh on me because they have their own issues, or that they're biased or whatever, but it gets so tiring having a different point of view from everyone else. Just for a while I'd like to agree with others to know what it feels like to belong. But that would be wrong. I shouldn't have to do that. My opinion isn't wrong it's just different.

Zeal · ‎18-01-2016

Hi Defiant Panda,

You're right, your opinion is not wrong but just different. If you are receiving harsh criticism or treatment because of your different opinions and beliefs, try to avoid pushing these. If you long for others to see things from your perspective and try to convince them of your opinion, they may become reactive and uncomfortable. You might not even do this, but it's worth keeping in mind. If you know you are talking to people who have vastly different opinions about significant issues/topics, avoid being confrontational with your take on things. You should never have to agree with something you don't believe, but this doesn't mean you need to make it clear that you disagree.

Let's say you and a few others are discussing nuclear energy (which hypothetically you are against). If the people you're with are talking about the benefits and you want to participate in the conversation, you could diplomatically mention a disadvantage. If they disapprove of it or start trying to argue their point to you, you could say something like "Well, each to their own" or "There are so many different views on this issue" to show that even though you don't share their opinions, you don't disrespect them for it. In some cases, it might be best to just listen, especially if the people discussing a viewpoint you don't agree with are strangers or people who are very intense.

There will always be people who share similar views to you. There are too many issues/topics and people for this to not be the case. It seems you just haven't been talking to people who share your opinions, or haven't talked about views/ ideas you have in common.

How about we try something a bit fun - and possibly lame, but who cares! If you feel comfortable doing so, you could list a few topics and your opinions on them.

For example, I support same-sex marriage. I don't participate in the Australian drinking culture (I don't drink at all actually), and I personally wish that smoking would be banned in open-air malls and green spaces. I realise this would be pretty tricky, and also understand that some people got addicted and genuinely want to stop, but are struggling to.

Maybe you share one of my views? If not, that's totally fine. You can mention some of your opinions and values, and perhaps I will share one!

Best wishes,

SM

DefiantPanda · ‎19-01-2016

Hi SM,

I get what you're saying but it's not me being difficult about differing points of view - it's others. I'm fine with people having a different point of view to me but I find other people aren't fine with my point of view if it's different.

Zeal · ‎19-01-2016

Hi Defiant Panda,

Sorry I was on the wrong track with trying to give advice! It's hard sometimes to know how to approach things online. I'm glad that you're totally accepting of others' viewpoints. It's a pain that the people you communicate with are judgemental and unaccepting of your values. If any of your friends are like this to you, calmly tell them that their dismissal of your opinions is hurtful. This won't solve the problem, but at least they will be aware of how you feel about their actions.

Hopefully you can meet people who don't treat you unfairly because of your views.

Best wishes,

SM

Starwolf · ‎30-01-2016

Hi there DefiantPanda,

I agree with you that having different insights can often result in a sense of isolation. This can be a painful condition. I hear you.

Tolerance doesn't come easy to many people. Confrontation with someone else's point of view often causes insecurity about their own, particularly if yours makes too much sense. Most of us humans are reluctant to question what we think we know although many of our opinions and beliefs were acquired from doubtful sources. People spend a lifetime acting / reacting according to those opinions and beliefs which are the very foundations of their personality. They don't like them to be shaken and -understandably- find it painful to realize that they may have been misled all the way. Change often requires courage and a lot of thoughtful work. Not all of us want to go there.

So of course, many people with different strong views are going to resist yours. The more sense you make to them, the more they're going to resent you for pushing against their self-imposed boundaries (the shooting the messenger's approach).

I have found that there is nothing to be gained by trying to make sense to someone who doesn't want you to. Banging one's head against someone else's brick wall only results in frustration and headaches. It wastes a lot of getting nowhere time and energy. I know, I once did it a lot. These days, I still put forward my own insights but withdraw as soon as I feel the other person is not willing to consider them. Their inclination not to question is after all none of my business. I respect the fact that they're entitled to it. Yes, I do present different options and alternatives. That's my part of the potential exchange between us but that's where it stops. I have done my bit. I am not attached to its results.

SM is right, there are people out there you could connect with. Limiting close interaction to people who are on the same wavelength (or at least can approach yours without discomfort) is I think the way to go. Exchanging communication quality for quantity. As long as YOU remain open to different or new perspectives...you'll be fine.

A capacity for alone-ness does help.

Happy trails.