I don't know who I can trust anymore

[Latte_Lady]

It is a year since I had my first meltdown, followed by another approx 3 months later. I have tried to pretend that I am ok. I have tried to take medication, and see a psychologist. I am pretending everything is ok, but some times I am only just getting through the day. I don't know who I can trust. I feel like everything I see or hear is targeted specifically at me. I guess you would describe it as being paranoid. But I honestly believe that some strange events generating an overwhelming fear of threats has caused this. I don't know what to classify my problem as. The doctors told me it is a psychosis. My problem is, though, that if something actually happened to generate fear to the extent that a paranoia results, then is it psychosis? Is it fear? is it anxiety? I am struggling to know who I should be speaking to, particularly when everyone I tell even a part of the events to, seems to think that it is not possible.

Any advice appreciated to clarify where I sit in the spectrum and plethora of possible diagnoses.

xxx

[Just Sara]

Hi and welcome to our caring community LL;

I really appreciate how difficult things are and applaud your courage on coming here and asking for help. 🙂

I'd love to be able to give you the answers you seek, but in all honesty, the only people who can diagnose you are your medical/psychiatric advisors. Pretending your life is fine does nothing to help your situation. In fact, it makes matters worse.

We see on here all the time how people feel scared to open up to their psych's and GP's for fear of looking or sounding silly. It couldn't be further from the truth. They care ok.

Self diagnosis is one of the most destructive habits to form because there are as you say, a plethora of 'labels' out there.

I urge you to really think about how your life will be in time without professional advice and diagnosis based on your 'real' situation and symptoms. If you feel paranoid, worried or scared to trust anyone, a psychiatrist can help, but you need to be open and honest for them to assess you accurately.

We're not professionals on BB forum; we're members of a mental health online community that give peer support to each other suffering with anxiety and depression.

Psychosis is a psychiatric symptom that requires immediate attention from professionals at your hospital or Dr's. Otherwise it may end up putting you at risk of worse complications.

Please seek help in your local area, or call the Mental Health Crisis Hotline in your state ok. It might feel safer to talk on the phone than face to face. I'm really concerned for your safety, so please consider my advice with your own well-being in mind. Once you've investigated your MH with professionals, life will improve immensely. I promise.

Take care Lady and let us know how things go; kind thoughts...

Sez

[Latte_Lady]

Thank you... I guess I just needed the "shove" to go do something. It's not that I don't like the psychologist, I just know that it's not going to fix the issues as there are many and they are complex, and I have spent much time trying to find all of the pieces of the puzzle, but when you get to a 45 minute appointment, you don't even get to touch the tip of the iceberg. I was looking up the website for St John of God thinking maybe I need to check myself in for some serious attention, however I don't know how much it costs, or even if that is something that would help. If there was a magic button to press to sort this out, I would be pushing that button relentlessly. I have been an extremely strong person my whole life, am well educated, and have surprised myself with the tenacity that I have pushed through some of life's difficulties with, but the roof seems to have all of a sudden caved in. I will seek help tomorrow. xx

[Just Sara]

Hi again Lady; (Love your Avatar!)

Psych visits can be frustrating when we have so much to get thru, but even though it's tedious at times, you need to remember how long it took to become the person you are today. It's not an overnight healing success by any means; it's lengthy and complex...one small step at a time.

A diagnosis can only be given by a psychiatrist. Once this happens, treatment and medication plans progress. As for spending time in a psych ward, I'd always advise this to those who're experiencing adverse responses like psychosis. I did 10 days this yr and it changed my life.

I called the Mental Health Crisis Hotline and spoke with a trained consultant who called an ambulance and told me to pack a bag. Police turned up to make sure I was ok. I was totally fine, or so I thought.

I'd been planning my suicide in a calculating way without any emotion to speak of. As I wrote my action plan, I noticed I was void of any feeling, so I called to ask if this was normal. (Thank God!) No wonder they jumped into action.

The thing is, I felt totally ok. I was completely detached from reality and didn't even know it. The following day I fell to pieces and was really glad I had proper support on hand at the unit.

So when I read your post last night, I thought of the worst case scenario. When psychosis hits, you'll need immediate support ok. I hope today went well and you opened up about how things really are. Please let me know how it went, would love to hear back from you.

Take care...

Sez

[White_Rose]

Hello Latte Lady

Just a couple of comments to add to Sez comprehensive replies. Private hospital admission costs a bomb so you really need private medical insurance. Public hospitals are free and when someone is as unwell as you sound they will be admitted to the hospital. I add my voice to Sez to say please get some immediate help.

Two common actions by pretty much everyone with a mental health condition is to deny it's happening, both to themselves and to others. No one wants that label. The other commonality is to want/believe therapy to cure everything in a short space of time, preferably without much work from the person concerned. Yes, it's true. We want a pill that will make it all go away and of course this is where suicidal thoughts creep in.

It will be a long road. I am so sorry to say that. I have been on that road, on and off, for 15 years. Some times are great, other times are the pits. The trick is to understand what is happening and have processes in place to stop being overwhelmed by this wretched illness, whichever one it is for you.

Take yourself to hospital for at least a check up. Sez has painted a graphic picture of her circumstances. I hate to think of you going down the same road. Call an ambulance if this is the only way.

Please keep in touch with us.

Mary