Hi Mmads and welcome to our forums
It's good you've found your way here. That's a step in a direction for change. Self love is not always easy, it can be difficult especially when we carry around so much bag baggage about ourselves. That inner critic becomes so vocal at times doesn't it?
Not sure how much you've done towards helping yourself, so forgive me if you've tried things already. Do you have anyone you talk to? E.g. your doctor or a health professional? I'm not a health professional, just someone with lived experience. I always find talking is good.
For many years I had this anger inside me that was always taken out on others - verbally. I'd flare up at the least provocation. I hated it and while working with the Health Department, learnt some psychological techniques - Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. This helped me to change my responses to situations. I no longer had the flare ups or the anger bouts. However, because I didn't really see anyone about the underlying causes for my inner anger and self loathing, the CBT only masked how I was. My anxiety and depression became worse over the years.
Eventually, I could no longer keep things inside me. It all came bubbling to the surface about 9 years ago. Since then I've had intensive trauma therapy, counselling and put on medication. I'm not saying this will be the same for you. But perhaps you might need to see someone to help you identify why you are so angry with yourself?
What do you think?
You're not alone mmads. Keep reaching out if and when you want to. No pressure.
Kind regards
PamelaR
