I Don’t Know What is Wrong With me But Everyone Else Does and My Hope Draws Thin.

[Random_Hpern]

I’m a year 10 student and my senior studies are approaching faster than expected. I’m struggling to focus on what matters when I’m on the brink of losing all who I care about at school. My friend group, solid for almost a year until a few months ago, was open to me when I joined with my brothers, two, who look identical to me. This challenge of being a triplet and identical is something I hear many people say must be so cool or amazing. But, not a day goes by where I wish I wasn’t. Three people attached emotionally to each other from birth, is a burden to any group as its three more opinions to listen to and possibly an eye sore, or embarrassment. I thought we were safe in that group having suffered severe bullying from previous schools, but as the terms passed we began being marginalised. The fact that I was always called “triplet,” instead of my name after all these years only makes me feel like an abomination or a failed lab experiment as I’ve been jokingly called. My brothers and I were diagnosed with pessimism and social anxiety a year or two ago and I can’t keep holding my head up. Most mornings I no longer want to wake up as I know the sadness I am destined to experience until I can again be unconscious in sleep. My days now are just a cycle, I no longer sit with the people I once called friends, only one person I can rely on I cower near, and all day besides the name calling, I’m forced to be shunned, my opinions or voice means nothing, and despite the horrible things others in the group do, my every action warrants some from of abuse whether verbal or physical. My parents are blind to these issues and I can’t tell people because the reaction from my “friends” would for sure  grant me out of their group. Without these people, some of whom I exchange in hatred, and others I let belittle me, I have no where to go, and I no I won’t see my 30’s when my mind matures if I am to still be depressed in adulthood. I can’t keep failing to fit in despite being at my current school for 5 years, and I can’t keep telling myself that I’ll be free in 2 years when school finishes. Even today a simple harmless prankster act I did (in retaliation to an identical act from a student mere seconds prior) aimed at being funny, warranted snickers and pushing from my “friends.” I don’t know what I’m doing wrong! Why do I fail at being human when others do it fine every day. I’m done being classified as something other than just a person or an individual all my life.

[white knight]

Hi, welcome and thankyou for a well written detailed post.

You've come to the right place because we all have a mental illness but our lived experience means we can help others like you on the topics like bullying which we all have here.

Name calling, physical abuse including intimidation and even snickering that you mentioned can be terrible to live with. Yet I think there is a good chance if you were alone with one at a time they probably wouldnt do it, its a gang mentality. That is the first remedy and could be addressed by your school principle or counsellor in that if they are aware of any bullying they could pair you up with one at a time on projects. Or they could face all of them to instruct they stop their poor behaviour. This is necessary because what they are doing is cruel and you have a right to a safe and happy environment.

Some of the name calling you'll have to tolerate I'm afraid. I had it in my high school as a 16yo but luckily I had decided to join the Airforce at 17yo and 4 days after that birthday I joined. I was then among adult all older than me and no bullying took place, it was heaven plus I earned a good income and travelled.

Recess and lunchtime can be spent in the library where you can study. That way your grades will improve and you should be left alone.

I would talk to your parents again and ask them what they would do if they were bullied. You could also tell them that you have written in here and received some advice and that includes asking your parents what they would do because if your pleas are ignored that is unacceptable. It might have been a long time since they went to school but students in your situation can be effected by bullying all their lives and fall into mental health challenges that otherwise wouldnt happen.

I hope I've helped.

TonyWK