I can't bring myself to do anything

[Rock]

I don't usually reach out like this because I'm a very secretive person, but I'm just so desperate right now. I've had severe depression for years now. I'm stuck in a real bad down time at the moment. I've been on medication for a while which has blunted my emotions and stopped my panic attacks. I can usually pick myself up, at least enough, after a week or so but this time it's just not faltering. I just can't bring myself to DO anything. I've tried making a schedule and just forcing myself but I just end up feeling even more empty and lost. I used to be so passionate about art and studying just for the fun of it. Nothing feels fun now, not even games, and I just sit here all day doing nothing. I don't know how to kick myself into action. Please, if anyone has any suggestions, I'd really appreciate it.

[White_Rose]

Dear Rock

Hello and welcome. I'm sorry you are in such a dark place. Certainly not good news. Do you have anyone you could ring, just for a chat or perhaps suggest going out. Have you tried phone Beyond Blue 1300 22 4636 or Lifeline 13 11 14? They may have some coping strategies for you in the short term. In the long term it sounds as though you need to see your doctor or psych, or whoever is helping you. If you are not receiving counselling maybe this is the time to start. You have been severely depressed for a long time. It's not going to cure itself.

You may need a change of medication, at the very least a review. I understand you have no energy or motivation but this is one thing you must make yourself do. See a doctor immediately.

Please continue to write in here and tell us how you are going.

Mary

[james1]

Hi Rock,

I don't want to add any more than Mary's very useful advice.

I just wanted to let you know you're not alone in this and we're here to listen and support you. I'm also going through a dark place at the moment and the only thing that gets me up each day is, frankly, having to go to the bathroom. And once I'm up, it's too much effort to make a good excuse to take the day off work, so I go to work but I've been late most days.

Even if you've lost the will and care, others haven't and they will want to hear your story. I'd love to hear how you go because I'm in a similar position, and I feel like we can share our experiences on the way to, not necessarily getting better because that sounds really hard, but at least not getting worse.

James

[Music_Freak]

We've all felt like that from time to time. I certainly have.

When I'm in that kind of funk, I go back to baby steps. Go for a walk around the block and listen to the noises around you, sit and watch funny youtube videos (I like cat ones), watch a favourite movie or TV show. Try and find something you enjoy, even smiling can help your mood. You may fail more than once and continue to have bad days, but don't give up 🙂

I would also talk to a GP/beyondblue/a psychologist etc. they'll have advice too. It's hard, but worth it. Continue to post here too, there's plenty here to help you

[Rock]

Haha, I can definitely relate to only getting up to use the bathroom.

Thank you a lot for the reply. It makes me feel a little better to know that someone is interested and experiencing the same thing. My psychologist suggested to me a while ago that maybe a good idea is to make a list of necessary things I should do each day and mark them off as they're done. (Feels a little degrading, but I honestly can't even be bothered getting dressed most days so I think I should take what help I can get!) And also to make a list of goals broken down into very achievable smaller goals and implement a reward system. I get panic attacks and really dark thoughts sometimes, so a sort of 'recovery kit' with calming/distracting stuff in it was also an idea. I haven't done any of it due to overwhelming despair and lethargy, but I think, maybe, I'll try my best to give it a go. Maybe something like this could help you too? I'll post again tomorrow evening to say how it went.

Jenny

[Rock]

Hello, thank you for the reply. I do have one person that I have confided in. I haven't phoned anyone or spoken to anyone else because I pretty much have no friends or family besides my parents to talk to and I have really really bad social anxiety so the phone terrifies me. I'm seeing a new psychologist that I've only had a first session with and have seen a couple others in the past. But due to finances and distance I can't have very regular sessions. I'll discuss medication next time I go.

[james1]

Hi Jenny,

I can't even begin to express how happy I am to hear you reply back. It's embarrassing, but I'm getting just a little bit teary here, and I don't even know why!

Yes, I think I've been making mental lists to myself of what I need to do. Most days go like this:

• Stop my annoying alarm (I always tick this off!)
• Fall out of bed to go to the bathroom (inevitably, reluctantly)
• Tell manager I'm 1.5 hours late (i usually succeed in telling him...sometimes i just appear sheepishly)
• Get dressed (sometimes I think ahead and I just leave my clothes on from the day before, but put on a jumper so people don't notice! pretty gross i know, haha)
• work (I do a little bit because it's more effort to explain why i couldn't didn't do it)
• eat (sometimes)
• walk around the block (sometimes)
• sleep

On weekends, replace manager with friend and work with breakfast, and 1.5 hours late to 2 hours late. So clearly, all my friends are envious of my very very successful life!

Yes, my psychologist also suggested i think of some calming/distracting things. I like walking with music - it's not enjoyable, but it's really blank. And I think that's why I like it most: because I don't have to be doing or thinking anything while walking with music playing, but each to their own I guess. Thankfully, my psychologist approves of me walking.

I'm looking forward to hearing from you tomorrow! It might not be the best day, but it's another day you can tick off as having woken up to, and gotten through! That's what I tell myself every night: that day sucked too, but I'm still here.

James

[Rita10]

Hi Rock.

Man I relate. I posted about lack of energy a couple of days ago. I am also an artist. I use to get such joy and felt so propelled by it. But at the moment I feel numb. I recently upped my does of medication from 20mg to 30 mg due to major anxiety after a few bad things happened. Although this stopped the anxiety I feel blunt. Like I have no spark. I'm so so tired all the time. I hate it. I really relate to what you're going through and can only suggest talking to your G.P about your medication. I'm going back to 20mg tomorrow. I'd rather fight through anxiety then feel so blank. I'm usually quick witted and inspired . 20 mg had no adverse effects on my art. 30 mg and I just feel like everything can wait until tomorrow.

I also recommend positive affirmations? Some days they really help. I started doing them and at first and took the advice of just saying them even if I don't believe them. Trick your mind.Some days I really believe them and actually physically feel different. Everytime a negative thought creeps in I scratch it and say the opposite internally. Like ' I feel so tired' - change it to ' I'm not tired ' see if your body follows suit. An excellent mentor said to me once ' the only thing we have control over in this life is our internal dialouge ' seems trivial but it's true. Our thoughts create our actions which create our world. Ahhh so simple and yet so complex.

Keep in touch and let us know how you're doing.

x

[Rock]

Hello

That thing about internal dialogue is interesting. I'll remember that. And I'll give positive affirmations a go. I doubt I'll believe anything at first but I'll give it a chance. Thank you for the advice, I appreciate it.

I feel exactly the same about the art. I used to consider myself a somewhat smart and witty person, and I dedicated myself to art. It's my thing. Unfortunately, my energy to draw has been drained for quite a while now. The most frustrating part is that I actually feel quite inspired and have a lot of ideas, but I just don't seem to be able to bring myself to do anything about it. I've tried to make myself draw but it feels like such a task. I really hope it'll be better some day.

Jenny

[White_Rose]

Hello Rita

Nice to meet you and welcome. I want to make a comment about your affirmations. Every time a negative thought creeps in I scratch it and say the opposite internally. Like ' I feel so tired' - change it to ' I'm not tired ' I understand that the rephrasing a negative thought or statement needs to be done in a positive way. Saying "I'm not tired" doesn't help the brain much as often it ignores "not" and you are left with "I'm tired". Try "I feel energised" or something similar.

I think you will really feel the difference. It is now accepted we can change our brains, or rewire them to be what you want. It's called neuroplasticity. Look it up. I think you will be surprised at what happens. All good stuff.

Mary