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I am worried I can't suppress my depression any longer

Xprince
Community Member
Hi, I am xprince, a guy who's fighting with his own demon of deep depression hidden and carried on for years till this date. Lately things are resurfacing and I am worried I can't suppress my depression any longer. I get frequent headache and really feeling weak overall of my body motivation. Am trying to fight it off and I am trying hard to function as normal as I could in everyday activities, but my deep emotions or memory of what's happen to me in past or recent times, is profoundly impacting on my brain.. Hence these on and off headache I am getting. At this moment I can coupé but it's really pulling me down.. I have told know one of my condition till this day, I can't easily just voice this type of matter to just anyone I personally know.. But my aspiration to live on to every morning or day, seems less excited. I feel I've become completely irrelevant to my being on this earth. But my deep desire wants to live on and contribute in a positive way on this earth.. But I feel like am constantly a failure in all my endeavors and I tend to just leave everyone I once knew. Leaving me alone to just discuss my matter on this web page or online because I truly don't have the answer to what? Or how? To deal with what am going through now... I feel I am dying out in silence and I feel the worse may come to be, if my unhappiness continues on.. I seek and welcome those whom are more well verse or professional in treating or advising me on my issues to help give me some indication to what I should do next please. I feel lost and deep sadness arises time to time for which am trying hard to suppress it down.. I get headaches and weak body at times which this is the hardest to avoid or struggle with. Any advise I truly appreciate it.
3 Replies 3

Starwolf
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Welcome to the forums, Xprince,

Kudos for taking the plunge and sharing your concerns with us. This is a safe space to give voice to silent suffering. You have come to the right place.

Depression comes and goes in waves. Sometimes it is triggered by some situation in our life, sometimes it just happens. Space between waves vary. It is a medical condition (different from feeling depressed, a passing state) and should be considered and treated as such. Like all other medical conditions, it cannot be suppressed. The good thing is, with the right help, support and commitment, it can be managed. Peace of mind and quality of Life can and will improve.

Due to a childhood of abuse, among other things, I ended up with PTSD, depression, anxiety and dissociation. So I have a fair idea of what it is you are going through. My heart goes out to you.

A first step would be an open, honest talk with a GP. Booking a long appointment may be the way to go. Appropriate treatment may involve medication and/or referral to a counselor or therapist. In either case, it will help you reclaim some measure of control over this demon. Struggling alone would only lead to more exhaustion and despair. Too difficult and unnecessary.

You are right, each and everyone of us is unique and has a contribution to offer that no one else can offer. Your willingness to aim in that direction is an encouraging sign. You are on the right track. Unfortunately, Life often deliver challenges and curves that temporarily make self-realization difficult. So the priority is of course to attend to them. Being such intricate maze, the troubled mind requires a guide to help point us in the right direction. Otherwise, the chances are we will wander around endlessly without finding a way out.

Rest assured you are totally relevant on this planet. Right now, you just need help to to ensure that -in the future- you will be able to apply yourself to whatever you feel called to do.

It is not unusual for mental/emotional issues to become physicalised. Particularly when the emotional side of it is not being attended to.

Please take good care of yourself. No need to feel embarrassed. Statistics tell us that 1 in 5 of us will experience some form of mental illness during our life time. You are not alone.

Meanwhile, I'd suggest you do the K10 test (top left of this page in the Facts section) to help you figure out the nature of what you are up against.

Good to have you on board.

demonblaster
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hey Prince and Star 🙂

Feel for your pain bud, you've taken the first step to getting back up. Well done. You have support here already

As Star said prince if you start with your GP bud. Do you think could help printing your post & give to doc. So clearly well written I hope you got a good release outta that.

You probs don't see or feel it atm but I'm seriously seeing a lot of strength in you . Hold on to that

Talk as much as you need we're listening care & understand ok 🙂

Sometimes posts take a while because of volume just so you know you're not being ignored

bbl hope you get some quality sleep











Blue_Jane
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Xprince

Welcome to our forums. It is very brave of you to share how you are feeling. As someone who suffers from a mental illness I too found it hard to be open about how I am feeling.

Depression is such a tough gig. The headaches you mention sound exhausting and I agree with Starwolf and Demonblaster about seeing a GP. They are there for expert guidance and support and sadly hear from people every day going through something similar.

It sounds like you are getting by but could be so much happier. Can you tell us more about your life? What do you enjoy doing? Do you have much contact with family and friends? Do you have any pets? What exercise do you do?

I look forward to hearing from you.

Blue Jane