I am so tired of having a bit of hope/motivation, only to go back to my old ways. I see no way forward or out of this.

[outofhope123]

I am 23 year old male, almost 24.

Since about 13 or 14, I feel I have been depressed. Anxious since much younger.

Started using drugs and alcohol around 14/15 and struggled with mainly cannabis addiction up until about 6 months ago, when I finally quit. However in the past few years, I have also been abusing alcohol as well as prescription drugs. Every 6 months or so I seem to relapse on them while drinking, blacking out badly.

I was sober for one year off prescription drugs, until 1 month ago when I took some while drinking and felt so ashamed. I will add that I never used them daily. It was always just a random one off.

I have been sober off of alcohol for one month now.

I am now in my mid twenties. I have been employed basically non stop since I was 14. I have tried so many different jobs, and quit them all, because I was miserable at them.

I went to TAFE and quit after almost 2 years because I found it too difficult and thought I was bad at it. I went to university and dropped out after one single semester.

I am now in a job I thought HAD to be my calling. Now I am 2 months into this job and it is sucking my soul. I feel like such a whiny child.

Everyone else seems to be able to suck it up and just get on with the job, but I am always so miserable I quit after a period of time. I don't enjoy my job. I have no idea what I'm doing at work and feel like an imposter as a result. I feel so lost.

I have friends, but I don't really want to see them. This lockdown has honestly been great for me. Absolutely no social obligations. But then I feel like I'm weird for having absolutely no issues with being socially isolated. My roommate is a friend, and is losing their mind. I feel guilty for not putting in more effort to hang out with them.

I browse useless subreddits trying to improve my life. Find a passion. I sometimes find a bit of hope and start eating healthy, cleaning my room, trying to find a hobby (something totally not me, like knitting), getting out of bed and being productive, exercise, cooking, responding to friends, not watching porn or drinking, but I ALWAYS go back to my old ways. ALWAYS.

Seen a psychologist since 16, recently started seeing a psychiatrist. Tried an atypical antidepressant which did nothing. Too scared to try traditional anti depressants as I already struggle with erections...

Pls help

[Sophie_M]

Hi outofhope123,

It sounds like you’ve dealt with a lot over the years, and it’s so strong and proactive of you to take the brave and powerful step of sharing this here today. We hope you can see how good it is that you took this step.

We’d really recommend giving the Beyond Blue helpline a call on 1300 22 4636. We’re also on webchat if you’d prefer to speak to counsellor there. Our kind and understanding counsellors can talk this through with you and help you to figure out how you can better address these issues and get some support on the path to sobriety. Some other really good people to discuss this with are our friends at Counselling Online, who have some really good resources on Making a Change, here. Headspace are another great option, they have some resources for you here, too.

This is a judgment-free space, so please feel free to share, knowing that you'll be met with understanding. Hopefully a few of our welcoming community members will pop by soon to welcome you and offer some words of support and advice.

Kind regards,

Sophie M

[james1]

Hey outofhope123,

Welcome to the forums! It's nice to meet you. I am 29 years old so a little bit older, but I still remember a lot of similar worries about starting work, finding work I'd like, and it's really only recently that I've come to accept how introverted I really am.

Which is not to say we are the same and there is a lot of stuff you've had to deal with which I've been lucky to avoid, but I just wanted to reassure you that you're not alone in all this.

I guess there is a lot you are struggling with and perhaps it's a bit tricky to address everything at once. I often find it easier to go one at a time, starting with things that are hopefully within our control and perhaps which we have other people's support in. From your post, I understand you've actually tried to do things in the past to take steps forward - you mentioned cleaning your room, eating healthier, socialising and generally things that sound really quite positive to me. These are all steps I would normally suggest to people who are struggling to just work out what to do when nothing seems to be working - may I ask what happens which causes you to go back to your old ways, as you've told us keeps happening? And do you have any friends or family who are supporting you throughout this?

James

[jaz28]

Hi there,

I feel we all experience moments like this. But the reality is - we are always growing and changing. You seem to have been through a lot during your lifetime and these experiences have helped you grow.

You don't have to have it all figured out. You're 24. You have plenty of time to find your "dream career" or even find yourself.

Keep trying with a psychologist - maybe bring this up, there might be a method of working through it?

Stay strong,

Jaz.

[james1]

Hey outofhope123,

Just sending you a quick note to ask how you are doing?

Has work been any easier these last couple of weeks?

Please feel free to respond whenever you feel you're up to it. We're here to support and walk with you.

James