So after having been depressed for ages, questioning my diagnosis as I’ve been eluded of high episodes for so long; here she finally is! The long awaited upside!
I don’t generally get euphoric highs, usually more the irritable ones with a pang of euphoria throw in. This one is different, I’m high as a kite with a pang of irritability thrown in. This mostly when my husband doesn’t understand that I’m on a mission and stands in my way.
I’ve been up since 1:30 and it’s been a ball. Dancing around the living room to my favourite songs. The house is sparkling. I cleaned everything from my spice bottles to my mop, not cleaning *with* the mop but actually giving the mop a scrub down with gumption. Beautiful outcome I might add. All those task that I didn’t do for 6 months; consider them done!
Fair enough my husband’s breathing is annoying me, he’s been under clear instructions not to touch me, and the outside world seems a bother but I feel like a million bucks.
I feel sexually invigorated (but not with my husband as he does everything wrong), I feel light and free and not unimportant anxiety-less.
My husband came out at 4:00 being a Debby Downer saying I need to see my psych.
I do like my psych but I know he’ll also be a buzz kill. Here, have some pills to make you feel less good. “Sure I’ll have them” - said no one ever.
I do know I need to see him but also feel entitled to have this brief respite. I’m still functioning, perhaps bit hyperactive but nothing more than that.
There is an emerging school of thought amongst progressive psychiatrists not to medicate hypomania. Their oath is not to do any harm after all. A little hypomania has never hurt anyone, if anything it bettered them.
I’m still taking my meds as described so you can’t fault me for that, however, my main med is an anticonvulsant (which name I can’t mention due to community rules) that is known for curbing the lows but not so much the highs, you in the know will know.
I’ve quit my job and fear that will send my psych into medical analysis overdrive about my state. I personally think it was a long time coming with me having to take stress leave twice in only a few months.
Would it be possible at all to ride out the high and rely on my meds to offer protection against the low? It’s been brilliant in doing that thus far so I don’t see why not now?
I would really just like to enjoy the brief respite from months of stress, dance around my living room like no one is watching and, you know, enjoy life.
