How to manage my depression as well as my partners?

[Wharp3]

Hi. I'll try to keep this as brief as possible.

So my partner and I have both being suffering from anxiety/depression for well over a decade now. Most recently, my partner has found out she has to have surgery/procedure and met with an anesthetist today. While the surgery is minor and not life-threatening, my partner is very afraid as they are overweight so the risks of complications are higher under general anesthetic.

This has made my partner and I both anxious and terrified, and now we are just numb.

I am doing everything I can to snap out of this for my partner's sake so I can be strong for them and help them find the positive. But at this very stage, I feel absolutely lost and cannot snap out of the "what if things go wrong" thoughts racing in my mind. It's to the point where I am making them more miserable than the thought of the procedure itself.

The procedure/surgery is minor and only takes 20-30 mins, and I know I'm probably blowing up this situation more than it is. I know deep down in my "sensible self" that they will be fine. I'm just so scared of losing my partner. I don't know what to do, how to think, what to say for both our sales.

What can I do? How can I snap out of this and be there for my partner?

[smallwolf]

Hello there and welcome to beyond blue forums.

That sounds really hard what you are both going through at the moment.

You did ask about what you can do... And the only suggestion I can make is to examine the evidence of something going wrong.

my own experience says that while you can logically know that something going wrong is close to 0 that it is easy to make it much bigger than it really is.

Also do you have any tools and strategies to help you to distract yourself from negative thoughts?

Listening to you.

[Wharp3]

Thank you so much for responding.

I've done a lot of research as to what could go wrong (which I should really as Dr Google is the last place I should be looking for examples)

Distractions-wise we've watched movies, shows and listening to music, but it is still lingering at the back of our minds. We keep yo-yo-ing back and forth. One minute we're fine, the next we're terrified.

[geoff]

Hello Warp3, I am really sorry for your partner to need this operation and understand how frightened you both are of any consequences, but the doctor's and the surgeons are aware of what may happen and if it will only take 20 to 30 minutes then perhaps she may be awake during the procedure, and that's to her benefit.

It's the outcome you should try and focus on and what she will then be able to achieve, rather than worrying about what the surgeons are going to do, she will need your help once it's been done and that's more important than be concerned about doctor's who have trained and experienced this type of surgery many times before.

You know if you go into having something done with a positive mind the quicker you will heal as I've done myself after many an operation.

Geoff.

[Wharp3]

Thank you so much for replying and your words. Helps a great deal.

I will certainly focus on that!

[smallwolf]

Not sure if this would be helpful for you... there was a time when I could not get the negative thoughts out of my mind. I physically left the space I was in then starting using the tools in "virtual hope box" until those thoughts leveled out - it was about 2-3 hours that time. There are been other occasions but time wise not so bad. There are also times when I can ruminate on the one thing over days with lesser intensity.

Perhaps the other thing might be... what would you tell a friend in this situation?

[Wharp3]

I'm not exactly sure what you mean when you say "virtual hope box"?

[smallwolf]

it is an app on my phone that was recommended to me by my psychologist... sorry.

[Wharp3]

Oh ok. Thank you. I will check it out for sure.